To not really get why people don’t like clothes?

Hmm I’ll get pasted on here if l post that.

Simple and unfussy l guess.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow not entirely on topic, but as someone who has an MA in this area I'm genuinely intrigued by your own aesthetic.

Could you tell me a bit more about your personal style and where you shop? Has your style changed as a result of your studies?

I used to work with art teachers. They were just like this.

Design teachers however were a different matter.

I’m wearing somewhat trendy jeans and a pale pink frilly top with black boots.

(Space for assumptions to be made…)

My sister bought me the jeans and the top is my least favourite but only clean one that allows for breastfeeding access. The trainers I wear every day are in the washing machine, the boots are old token ‘work’ ones that were near the top of my box of unworn footwear. I don’t think any of that is visible in the outfit nor do I think it conveys anything accurate about me to anyone walking by.

I had some minor interactions with people this morning - a builder, a barista and a random old lady - I think from exchanging a few words they formed a far more nuanced impression of who I am than anyone could based off my clothes. Can’t tell you what any of them were wearing except the builder who was in fetching fluro - from our short interaction he was a polite, slightly shy, affable man. Couldn’t tell that based off his clothes designed for visibility and practicality though.

Adore the visual arts. Collect paintings, love theatre, concerts, gallery, museum, cinema, photography, books. Just not interested in clothes 🤷‍♀️

Some people just aren't very "visual." They get no joy from the visual arts, their imaginations work in words, not pictures, and they just don't have any preferences about how they should look visually. Their brains don't work that way.

Others might have sensory issues that mean the comfort of their clothes is more important to them than anything else.

A few might have grown up with the message that it is shallow or even sinful to care about clothes, so they've trained themselves not to.

Some people who grew up so poor that they just had to wear whatever cast-offs were available might never have unlearnt the habit of being grateful for what they had.

Some might secretly long to dress more individually but be afraid of criticism. My mum was one of these!

Me, I love clothes that are a bit different and am not afraid to stand out and be noticed. I guess to someone who slavishly followed mainstream fashion that might seem like a sign of "not caring."

I love clothes. I love thinking about what outfits to wear and what combinations I can wear. A cracking outfit really lifts my day.

But today I'm in the house all day, so I'm wearing fleece lined leggings and a hoody, which feels one step up from pjs. My ds has absolutely no interest in clothes whatsoever. We do not understand each other😄

Ok. So now I know clothes are a language.
Is it a universal language?

Do we all know the same language?

So if im feeling low, should I wear black to show my mood or bright clothes to make me feel more cheerful?

If im wearing black will people know im depressed ? If I wear bright clothes will they know im feeling low and trying to cheer myself up or will they wrongly assume im a cheerful upbeat person?

What clothes mean what mood or personality trait?

Im currently wearing a long grey dress with some lighter flecks in it. Its got a v neckline and a wavy trim on the sleeves and hem. Im also wearing leggings under it.

What am I telling the world about myself by choosing this outfit?

A) im cold

B) its clean and i could reach it

C) its dirty because ive been wearing it for 3 days and cant be bothered to change it because I am feeling so low

D) I am a mysterious individual who is reserved and private

E) I am practical and wise, with a secret mischievous side

F) something else, all ideas welcome and I've invented a new game. Describe what you're wearing and we'll guess what you're feeling and who you are.

To you. Clearly, not to some other people.

I love this. We need to get joy where we can.

I like clothes, make up and putting together an outfit but it’s more for how it makes me feel and the happiness it brings rather than how people perceive me.

I honestly never realised people actually cared so much about what total strangers choose to dress themselves in.

Ok, but you can’t assess a uniform. Running late is a one off and doesn’t happen to everyone. If someone’s bf is buying their clothes then they are being controlled but I’ve never ever known that.

Not interested says as much as someone who is interested. Financial reasons l mentioned previously. Although you can still dress well cheaply.

But whatever, they all say something.

it is rare, but some people are not vain
and/or do not judge by the trappings hanging off another

I disagree, because I dress exactly the same way on days when I'm not even leaving the house so I'm definitely not doing it for others. I don't identify with any group or follow trends but I always dress in a particular way (long, dark layers) and that doesn't change on days when I won't be going anywhere.
I don't really care what people think about my style but I wear what I like and it's always a long dress, because since the menopause I find jeans uncomfortable on my belly.
But I always dress in the same way because it pleases me to wear nice things and it would never be leggings or joggers and a sweat even if I was alone on an island. I dress for myself, not for others.

But they might be interested in clothes…you just might not know on the face of it because of any of the reasons listed above.

I never said they were ‘creating a look’ and the point of a themed party is to suspend your identity.

Dress codes can still tell a story,

All the things you are talking about absolutely build a story. Not an obvious in your face ‘l love clothes’ story. In effect what you don’t say is as important as what you do say.

If they are t interested in clothes that’s all part of it.

No, that's what you do.

Are you quite young? I can't imagine anyone over 25 recommending tiktok for inspiration.

The point is that it matters very much to you and this means you’re struggling to understand that it doesn’t matter in the slightest to some others. Telling them they don’t get it won’t help your cause. They don’t get it because it doesn’t matter to them.

The reasons for that not mattering are varied: other more important priorities, lack of confidence, money, time and general can’t be arsedness. All are perfectly valid.

I do watch a bit of GRWM stuff on Insta but I hate the huge hauls of clothes from ASOS, Boohoo, SHEIN etc because of the environmental impact. You can’t replicate that sort of content with decent brands and quality pieces because you’d be doing one a month with one garment.

Anyway if it matters to you to look your best and keep up with fashions then that’s great. I’m sure if I saw you on the street I would note that your outfit looked put together or stylish or whatever. I wouldn’t think you were a nicer or kinder or more interesting human than someone standing next to you in a pair of joggers and a hoodie though.

Through this thread, I have discovered Plumo, if nothing else. . I could actually afford their burnt offerings (there's an up to 70% sale on), but find most of it utterly hideous. Not even functional.

I do wonder who shops there.

Not really - you’re talking about how people perceive appearance and render judgements based on it.

However, that person might have a dress code imposed on them by an event or workplace, they might be running late, or going to a themed party, or have their clothes bought for them by their partner or don’t consider clothes interesting enough to spend time thinking about or they have many different facets of their personality and can’t afford to create a wardrobe that would encompass them all or they’re time poor and clothes don’t make the cut in their priority list or a hundred other reasons that could be behind their clothing choices.

They aren’t making a statement - they’re opting out of creating a personalised ‘look’ but you can’t begin to work out which is the specific reason behind it.

But other people will construct an opinion of someone based on how that person presents themselves, which is what you’re talking about. The person themselves is not making a statement but most of us will make snap judgements anyway and assume we know what lies behind it. We’re usually wrong as our instinctive judgements are based on our culture, upbringing and all the biases that come with that. I might assume that someone doesn’t care about clothes, because I don’t and I understand that motivation, when actually that person has been up all night with a screaming baby and the washing machine has been broken for three days and she’d kill to pull one of her usual outfits together but she’s stuck wearing a pair of workout leggings and her DH’s sweatshirt.

Not communication - judgement based on personal biases.

You keep trying to insist on where the discussion is at. Discussions are fluid, they can move to and fro on different points and don't need to be policed on what should be discussed.

I don't think anyone is missing the concept. I think you're conflating different things and I'm not entirely sure (based on your subsequent posts) what your point is.

From your original post:

I mean in general, clothes are a personal choice. They can express who you are, there’s do much choice out there. Why people say they don’t care what they wear?

Both things can be true at the same time; clothing can reveal aspects of your identify AND people can not care what they wear. Or at least, not care in relative terms i.e. compared to how much other people care or compared to how much they care about other aspects of their life.

People have to wear clothes. Therefore, unless someone else shops for them, they have to choose what to wear at some point. The level of thought and effort that goes into this will vary from person to person. We can assume people who give it low levels of thought and effort care less about what they wear, and plenty of posters have explained that it is simply low priority for them. I think this is what's meant when people say they 'don't care' what they wear. Obviously they care that their clothing is functional, but I don't think that's what you're getting at.

No it wasn’t aimed at you specifically more a general comment.

and yes I agree, so what, but the discussion has moved to the judgement people make based on how we present.

curiously people posting I just don’t care in the midst of an angry text, actually come across like they care very much,they care very much that people maybe making assumptions about them based on their appearance, but everyone absolutely knows it’s the norm to do so,

If by that, you mean me (I don't think my post was angry), I genuinely don't care about assumptions other people, especially strangers, are making about me going about my daily life based on what I'm wearing. I don't deny that they may be making them - but so what? It's not going to influence what I put on.

The emphasis on "It's just that I don't care" is born from frustration and incredulity that no matter how many times and how many different posters have told OP that the assumptions or judgements of others have little or no bearing on what they decide to wear, she continues to insist, like a broken record, that they don't understand her point.

as said uo thread, put 3 women in front of someone, one dressed in a short, tight, low cut body con dress and high heels, with a face full of Botox and hair extensions, one in a Breton jumper, Chelsea boots and mom jeans, with no make up , and hair scraped back, one dressed in a business suit, loafers, neat hair and subtle make uo, and they give 3 very different impressions, even though they may all be the same woman on different days,

But again, so what? Are these 3 women attending a job interview, or some other event where there's a need to impress whoever they're speaking to? If not, let others make assumptions, which may very well be inaccurate. No need for it to take up any headspace, far less influence what they wear.

Liking or loving clothes, fine
wanting to present yourself a certain way, also fine
Not giving a damn about clothes, perfect too

the only rude ones are the: you can only be interested in clothes and what you wear if you are stupid and have nothing else to do with your life 😂
They are the ones who seem to care the most about clothes and outfit, which is telling.