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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this inheritance set up unreasonable?

134 replies

Burntt · 21/11/2025 16:34

Couple have been together 8 years.

Thinking of buying a house together/getting married. Blended family and need to have the wills discussion before financial entanglement.

Person A. 2 kids from previous relationship. One is disabled meaning they can’t really work anymore now a full time carer. Kids primary age.

Person B. 2 children from previous relationship now teenagers. Well paid job.

One shared child.

Person A owns a property and will rent it out for some income but it’s pennies compared to person B salary.

The new house will be both on the deeds and eventually spilt evenly between all children in the wills.

Other parent of children B also a high earner and has no other children. While we cannot know how that will go it’s likely children B will inherit well from both parents. Children A will get nothing from their other parent.

The question is about person A property and inheritance likely to come from grandparents.

Person B thinks the rental and both sets of inheritance should be split equally between all children in the wills. Person A would likely use inheritance to get a second rental and the rent would be joint money but once A is dead both rentals divide by 3 children (2 previous and shared child).

I’d like some outside perspective without having to talk money with friends and family.

OP posts:
Celestialmoods · 21/11/2025 21:31

A seems to want her kids to benefit from B but not Ba kids to benefit from her. Either blend or don’t, but don’t decide that one set of kids is more deserving because they are younger and live with both of you. They are not.

Keep things separate and don’t live together or blend properly. As there’s a shared child you should probably do the latter. That means treating all children the same when it comes to inheritance.

Burntt · 21/11/2025 21:28

ThejoyofNC · 21/11/2025 21:23

OP it's pretty obvious that you are A, not sure why you're being so cryptic

Yeah I’m the OP I didn’t want to say which I was as wanted unbiased answers. Can’t really answer questions without saying which I am tho

OP posts:
Burntt · 21/11/2025 21:27

OneAmberFinch · 21/11/2025 20:55

How is the deposit for the new house being funded? By B's savings? (I would count this as "assets" btw)

About equal from both. A equity and B savings. But the ongoing mortgage will be mostly B as he earns 5 times what A earns

OP posts:
TheGiantBear · 21/11/2025 21:26

Poor B, poor B’s children - clearly second best emotionally and now losing out financially too. I imagine their mother is aghast at A’s negative effect on her children’s future.
B must be really gullible.

ThejoyofNC · 21/11/2025 21:23

OP it's pretty obvious that you are A, not sure why you're being so cryptic

Jopo12 · 21/11/2025 21:20

IceIceSlippyIce · 21/11/2025 16:59

A has three kids. B has three kids.
A shares their 50% between their 3, and B does the same. Yes, that means the shared child gets twice as much.

This. You are not financially responsible for other people's kids.

FuzzyWolf · 21/11/2025 21:19

indigovapour · 21/11/2025 21:17

B should leg it as fast as he possibly can.

Yes, this!

FuzzyWolf · 21/11/2025 21:19

BIossomtoes · 21/11/2025 20:47

B earns well and has career prospects and will have A at home keeping house to facilitate this.

If B wasn’t with A he could just pay a cleaner. A isn’t facilitating his career at all.

Exactly. B is able to fully support himself and his children financially and has no actual need for A. B could also hire a nanny for their shared child and have equal custody. If anything, A is a financial detriment and the fact A seems to think otherwise goes to show how deluded some people can be.

As I’ve said before, if I was B this would show me what A was really like, I would end the relationship or not move in and keep finances totally separate.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/11/2025 21:18

indigovapour · 21/11/2025 21:17

B should leg it as fast as he possibly can.

Bit late now having had a baby with her.

indigovapour · 21/11/2025 21:17

B should leg it as fast as he possibly can.

FuzzyWolf · 21/11/2025 21:16

BIossomtoes · 21/11/2025 20:44

This. If I was B I’d be seeing A quite differently.

Yes and if B did decide to split he could go for 50/50 custody and that would be the end of A leaching off of him.

FuzzyWolf · 21/11/2025 21:15

Presumably after you and B die, you want your combined children to continue having a relationship and getting on. Therefore, trying to give your children more is just going to cause resentment amongst them.

KoalaKoKo · 21/11/2025 21:10

Given your update I would either have the new house willed to Bs 3 kids and A’s house and inheritance set aside for A’s kids or I would have all 5 kids down to inherit both properties equally but any inheritance from grandparents (or assets bought from the inheritance) on either side just going to that persons kids.

OneAmberFinch · 21/11/2025 20:55

How is the deposit for the new house being funded? By B's savings? (I would count this as "assets" btw)

BIossomtoes · 21/11/2025 20:47

B earns well and has career prospects and will have A at home keeping house to facilitate this.

If B wasn’t with A he could just pay a cleaner. A isn’t facilitating his career at all.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 21/11/2025 20:46

A isn't facilitating B earning well. He already did that.

BIossomtoes · 21/11/2025 20:44

FuzzyWolf · 21/11/2025 19:23

I must admit that if I was B, I wouldn’t be marrying A and would be protecting my assets and finances given their CF attitude.

This. If I was B I’d be seeing A quite differently.

Burntt · 21/11/2025 20:33

Mixed responses! This is very helpful thank you.

To answer some questions;
B will be bankrolling the family essentially if they merge . A does work a bit but is low pay and B earn very well.

A bought their house before disabled child’s needs become so great they impacted earning potential.

currently A is assets roach but money poor. B had high income but rents with no assests. Over time it will even put as B will find the family home.

A kids if we dont merge will be better off due to grand parents inheritance. Obviously this isn’t gaurenteed due to care costs. But even with care costs there is likely to be a decent amount. B kids it’s hard to say as as it stands they won’t get anything from their parent as he rents and has no assests and doesn’t plan to buy unless merging families.

B has been about since youngest of A children was 1 (the disabled child). He’s been a father figure much much more that their own father. He has seen how the disability progressed, supported practically with childcare and has such a beautiful amazing bond with the disabled child. Genuinely like it’s his own child. A has the kids full time. B has his kids every other weekend and being older the bond hasn’t been as strong between A and the B kids. They will have bedrooms and always be welcome but they don’t live with us to bond like the younger kids have so it feels uncomfortable leaving A inheritance to them. They also have a good mother so don’t need the step mum like A kids have latched to the stable and loving step dad. Also with having a disabled child A knows they will never build more inheritance than they built pre kids so the rental is more precious. B earns well and has career prospects and will have A at home keeping house to facilitate this.

curently A supports herself on UC and child maintenance. WitAs B earns well and currently pays maintenance for the shared child it’s manageable. As A owns a property she gets less UC than if renting and could not survive without the maintenance from B. Moving in together with the increased expenses of mortgage etc day to day A and A kids will be worse off. Finances have to merge as A looses UC and child benefit. B breaks even as he saves his current maintenance for the shared child. But he builds assests with the house. I do t want to insult him he’s a great guy but he’s not financially sensible considering he has such a good income it’s madness to me he hasn’t got assests.

I think I will keep reading responses and have another conversation. This has been a very helpful thread so far thanks so much.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 21/11/2025 20:20

Don’t get married it over complicated what is already complicated and could very much make things harder!

any inheritance from either side stays that side

A keeps their hiuse
B buys the new house in their name

both go to their respective children

UnbeatenMum · 21/11/2025 20:14

Does B have any assets? What kind of amounts might each child inherit if you didn't blend families?

me24x · 21/11/2025 20:14

I don’t agree with person B saying person A’s assets should be divided between children that are not his/hers. Person A splits assets between their children equally and person B should do the same.

ThejoyofNC · 21/11/2025 20:08

IceIceSlippyIce · 21/11/2025 16:59

A has three kids. B has three kids.
A shares their 50% between their 3, and B does the same. Yes, that means the shared child gets twice as much.

This is the only way.

bridgetreilly · 21/11/2025 20:07

Whatever his children get from their mother is irrelevant. If you are all together as a family, all five should inherit from both of you at the same level, with an exception for whatever further provision needs to be made for the child with disabilities.

FuzzyWolf · 21/11/2025 20:04

Even without the risk of taxes and carer/care home fees, the expectation of an inheritance is a gamble because few can guarantee how long they will live. It’s possible the grandparents will outlive the grandchildren or their estates will have nothing left.

MissAmbrosia · 21/11/2025 19:54

My dad and SM had mirror wills leaving everything equally between the 4 of us - 2 kids each. My SM never worked and my dad effectively paid for everything, but I never saw this as unfair - all kids were treated equally. In this scenario - I would look to divide everything by 5, after maybe looking to see if the disabled child is helped by having a larger proportion. You would have to check that a later will could not disinherit your own kids though OP.