Am I unreasonable to stop my mum helping me with driving the kids to school

Let her bask in her shame (that’s what it is).
She has been choosing alcohol over the safety of your kids/her grandchildren. Bye bye.

Ok just say for instance I had a couple of beers the night before but somehow i dunno spilled one on myself so i smelt of it (for arguments sake) and then my children asked me not to take my grandchildren to school. I would be mortified, apolgetic, offer explanations and no doubt everything would be ok. I would NOT be getting angry and cancelling Christmas. You already have suspicions around her behaviour and things otherwise you may not have even noticed the smell or could have explained it away easily. Funny, my mother did the same, but then decided to "forgive" us and turned up, then got drunk and ruined it for everyone.... that was our fault too though apparently.

Tell her you love her and want to help but she can't be allowed to drive you or your children. The woman needs help

Let her

she’s manipulating you due to you calling her out

She does not have to be over the limit to be in a situation where I would definitely not allow her driving my children
ANY drink ... especially in the morning would have me very firmly taking her off the school rota.

Well thats punishment manipulation via ultimatum. Shows you that you were absolutely on point to say something.

Don't back track..

This just confirms that she’s an alcoholic who puts alcohol higher than her family so she absolutely cannot be trusted

What I would do is tell her that the next time she drives to my house with alcohol on her breath I will report her to the police.

But I would report her anyway. Today.

You are doing the right thing. If she’s really is “only” drinking in the evening before, she’s must be having a lot each night to still smell of alcohol the next morning.

This will be better for you in the long run. She's an alcoholic who lies. The consequences don't bear thinking about. Christmas might be cancelled for her, but you and your family can have a better time without her.

My dad once cancelled a table at a restaurant and refused to go to dinner with me because I asked him not to drink for one meal. It is denial, the person acts as though it’s a personal attack because they associate their identity with drinking. It is easier to do that than accept that they have a problem

Let her cancel HER Christmas if she chooses to do so but don't allow her to spoil it for your kids. Tell her to crack on and you'll enjoy it just the same without her. She's clearly choosing drink over her family at this point

if she is drink driving you need to report her. I hope you have done so. People get killed that way. You need to protect her - and others as hard as it is.

You are doing exactly the right thing by stopping her from doing the school runs, I would also limit access in other ways so she was always supervised around the children.

She’s an alcoholic and will blame you and twist things and make you think what they are doing is normal

dh was the same

and denial is the biggest issue

I didn’t have a drink

im Not drunk

def don’t allow her to drive your kids. She could kill them or someone else

My OH too.
If he has 1-2 beers, sometimes you can smell it the following morning.
He doesn't drive so its not an issue there either way.
But he is a good example of it being present the following day without a recent drink.

Definitely she cannot drive your kids, I'd happily fall out with my parents over this because it's literally life or death. Is there anyone else in the family you can talk to about this, stage some kind of intervention. It won't just be you who smells it, and she's a risk to herself, other road users, anyone in her car. I think you need to find a way to get her help or at least stop her drink driving. Maybe call a charity and find out some options or best ways to help. It might also be that no longer being allowed to drive your kids around gives her an eye opening moment. It'll be awkward but you have to do it.

Forget the breathalysers. If you reasonably believe she's been drinking, she doesn't drive your children. If you use a breathalyser and she blows under, do you let her drive them? No, so there's no point. She has no boundaries so you have to have really clear boundaries. She will try to test them, of course. It's a zero tolerance situation.

So what if you are. You should be pushing her out. She should not be driving full stop let alone putting your kids/her grandkids and the general public in danger.

So if you said, 'ok mum, I'll call the police, they will be perfectly happy that you're driving won't they' and make the call..

You can buy inexpensive breathalysers from Halfords, Amazon etc. Ask her to take a test. Chances are she will act offended and storm then you have your answer. I'm sorry.

Soooo many issues with this. She would definitely be over the limit if you can smell it on her. But why is mum drinking so heavily in the week? Why is she not able to abstain the night before if she knows she has to do the school run? Why is she being so blasé about others being able to smell alcohol on her (even the morning after a big night out, personally I’d be mortified). Is she working? Is she depressed? How’s her appearance and hygiene otherwise? Any financial issues?

She really could be an alcoholic given how she’s been so far, and alcoholics offer have to hit the bottom of the barrel before they accept they have an issue. I would be inclined to call the police and report her next time she gets in the car after you smell alcohol on her breath- proper 999 stuff so they can get the traffic cops to pull her over. Aside from keeping everyone safe, it may force her to face up to her drinking issues.

You're no longer letting her drive your kids because their safety is more important than her feelings.

Frankly, fuck her feefees. My husband was maimed by a drunk driver and I know a couple people who are dead because of drunk drivers.

What would you do if she got pulled over smelling of alcohol with your kids in the car? She gets breathalyzed because she smells of alcohol and she's off to jail. Then your kids get carted off separately and you get a ss visit because you let a woman smelling of alcohol drive your kids.

I'd push her out because I had an alcoholic parent and I wouldn't have my kids around her. Been there, done that, got the scars.

PLEASE report her! She could kill or injure someone. To know that your mother is driving under the influence and not report her is completely outrageous and indefensible.

Just stopping her driving your children is not enough. Other people's lives matter too.