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AIBU?

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AIBU to ask husband not to take job that would make me solely responsible for childcare during the working week?

282 replies

Veganornotvegan · 21/11/2025 11:17

My husband and I both work full time 5 days per week Monday to Friday, typical office hours. We both do a combination of in office and WFH (average 2 days in office / 3 days WFH per week) but exact days vary week by week depending on our diaries. Both of our offices are approx 20 minutes away.

Our toddler son is in nursery approx 10 minutes away.

We currently split drop offs and pick ups between us 50/50 (I typically do pick ups, he typically does drop offs) but we communicate daily on this if we want to swap for any reason and this works well for us.

My husband wants to take a job which would be a little extra money (not significantly more, and whilst we are not rich by any stretch, we are comfortable (and not in the middle class way where comfortable means rich! Just comfortable)) but accepting the job would mean he would be out of the house 7.30am until 7pm every day. These longer hours would mean that I would have to do all nursery drop offs and pick ups, as well as all dinners, and bedtime prep for our toddler (which we currently split). I would also have to do all kids sick days as I would be significantly closer to the nursery than my husband, so it wouldn’t be fair to expect our child to wait 90 minutes to be picked up by dad, when I am 10 minutes away (nursery is in between our house and my office, so whether I’m WFH or in the office I’m still only 10 minutes away.).

WIBU to ask my husband not to accept this new job? As a household we would walk away with only a little extra money, which arguably we don’t need, but I would have to take on more of the childcare responsibilities. My husband isn’t unhappy with his current job, he’s just bored, and this new one would be more interesting for him.

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 21/11/2025 11:29

How long would those hours be required? Is it a stepping stone to something else?

Ask him what's in it for you and what's in it for his child.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/11/2025 11:27

Not unreasonable of you. That job isn’t an option to a new parent.

Tiswa · 21/11/2025 11:27

I think you more need to phrase it as to how it will work. That you cannot take on pick ups and drop off and sick days (especially in once he moves to school) as that would be detrimental to your job. And you cannot take on all the other responsibilities
that you understand why he wants it but he needs to figure out if he can make it work - there is no harm in pushing back and seeing if there is flexibility in it - will working from home be possible (even if there is a moment at the start when there isn’t) and how he is going to make his side work because you cannot take on much more than you have

Fitzcarraldo353 · 21/11/2025 11:25

How does he also see this working when your child is on school?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 21/11/2025 11:24

Yes, don’t do it. You’ll segue seamlessly into default parent, lose progress at work, burn out. And he’ll talk about how hard it is being out 7pm-7pm.

His DC won’t seem him except at weekends. You’ll be a single parent all week.

jay55 · 21/11/2025 11:24

Have you asked him what his plan is to cover his share? Because you are not the default option. And your career shouldn’t be taking a hit to plump up his if the money isn’t significant.

DisappearingGirl · 21/11/2025 11:21

I agree that's not fair.

This would be a much better plan when your child is a bit older.

Flexibility in work arrangements for both parents is absolutely invaluable for little kids who need a lot of tiring physical care and also get ill a lot.

There have already been several threads on here this autumn from desperate parents who either can't find reliable wrapround care or are struggling to manage time off for ill kids.