Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think therapist friend should be more understanding of NC

37 replies

Orangesandlemons77 · 21/11/2025 11:10

I am NC (no contact) with my mum. She's got mental health problems, and I do feel guilty but it was also affecting me mentally.

Recently my dad died (she and him were divorced) and before the funeral I received a letter form her telling me that it was a time to 'come together as a family'

I mentioned this to an old friend, who is a therapist and she told me 'well, I think she's right'

AIBU to think that someone who is a therapist might be more understanding of my feelings on this?

I felt like it was guilting me into resuming contact at a time when grieving and was inappropriate given the circumstances.

OP posts:
butterycroissants · 21/11/2025 11:47

Orangesandlemons77 · 21/11/2025 11:39

I don't find NC 'savage' it's peaceful and calm

And that’s fine, it’s your decision and your life, but your friends are not obliged to agree with you.

HeadyLamarr · 21/11/2025 11:45

She may be a therapist but she's not your therapist. She is your friend. And she answered you honestly.

Friends don't have to agree.

Peoplemakemedespair · 21/11/2025 11:42

PieNotProtocol · 21/11/2025 11:12

Cut that friend off immediately. She’s not good for you.

Also stop having high expectations of therapists. Many of them are flawed individuals, in it for their own gain in a very unregulated industry.

What are you even talking about?? Actually think you could do with a therapist.
Op it’s hard for us to say. Presumably your friend has details about the situation that we don’t

Original poster
Orangesandlemons77 · 21/11/2025 11:39

I don't find NC 'savage' it's peaceful and calm

OP posts:
Slothisavirtue · 21/11/2025 11:30

I think low contact is often a better option that no contact. No contact is just so savage.
I cut my parents out for a bit and I am so glad we healed things.

I also think our best friends don't just tell us what we want to hear.

butterycroissants · 21/11/2025 11:28

PieNotProtocol · 21/11/2025 11:12

Cut that friend off immediately. She’s not good for you.

Also stop having high expectations of therapists. Many of them are flawed individuals, in it for their own gain in a very unregulated industry.

What a bizarre overreaction.

TheRealMagic · 21/11/2025 11:23

itsthetea · 21/11/2025 11:16

Being a friend doesn’t mean agreeing with you on everything

perhaps she sees something that you are missing

Agreed - and actually, the role of a therapist isn't (or at least shouldn't be) to agree with and endorse everything the client wants to do. Sometimes pushback is both appropriate and the best possible thing a therapist can offer.

SquirrelosaurusSoShiny · 21/11/2025 11:22

itsthetea · 21/11/2025 11:16

Being a friend doesn’t mean agreeing with you on everything

perhaps she sees something that you are missing

I wondered about this too. I feel like a lot of context is missing.

Therapists are only human and she's your friend, you're not getting 'therapist her' you're getting 'friend her'. Maybe though she thinks this is a chance for you all to rebuild a new relationship because bereavements can bring a lot of change and fresh energy into families and the dynamics.

butterycroissants · 21/11/2025 11:18

She’s not your therapist though - her career is just that, it has nothing to do with her personal feelings towards your situation.

itsthetea · 21/11/2025 11:16

Being a friend doesn’t mean agreeing with you on everything

perhaps she sees something that you are missing

Justbecauseyoucandoesntmeanyoushould · 21/11/2025 11:14

It wasn't a therapy session, she isn't your therapist. However, I'd still expect a more compassionate response from a friend!i

PieNotProtocol · 21/11/2025 11:12

Cut that friend off immediately. She’s not good for you.

Also stop having high expectations of therapists. Many of them are flawed individuals, in it for their own gain in a very unregulated industry.

Swipe left for the next trending thread