Your responses and approach are all wrong, its not about being confrontational, youre giving her too much leeway. Opinions are like ar*holes, everyone has them, and usually they shouldn't be shared...
Youre dealing with someone who treats everything as her domain, gets her sense of importance from judging, and masks control as “preference.”
A big problem you have is also DP. Their ability to ignore it combined with the lack of boundaries + over-sharing just keeps giving MIL ammunition to wade in.
- Stop giving MIL information. Full stop.
MIL only criticises what she knows. So cut the supply.
And DP needs to get on board. If he can ignore his mum, he can also stop feeding her intel that you can’t emotionally shrug off.
- Don’t defend, don’t justify, don’t explain
your interactions give MIL the rope to keep tugging.
MIL: “I hate those flowers.”
you: “I like colour because spring….” (explanation = open door)
Instead:
“Noted.”
“We’re happy with it.”
“That’s okay. It’s already decided.”
Then change the subject or walk off.
3. Use one boundary sentence — and repeat it
“We’re not looking for input on this.”
“Thanks, but this decision is ours.”
“It’s sorted.”
“We’re doing it our way, but thanks.”
calmly, without debate. If MIL pushes again, repeat it verbatim.
4. DP does need to step up — but strategically
stop protecting DP from being uncomfortable. If his mum isn’t bothering him, great — but she’s hurting you.
and partnership means he acts even if he doesn’t personally feel the sting.
DP only needs to do two things:
- Stop telling her details.
- Back You Up in the moment.
MIL: “That venue is awful.”
DP: “We love it, and that’s what matters.”
Then he ends it there. She can huff, but she hears the message.
MIL’s disapproval is about control, not taste. You'll never get her approval so stop trying.
Once you stop trying to win approval, it becomes much easier to shrug off.
You’re not crazy — she is draining you. Stop giving her the information she uses to pick things apart, stop explaining your choices, and have one line ready for every negative comment. And DP needs to back you by keeping details to himself. You don’t need her approval — you just need space from her negativity.”
f you don’t put boundaries in now, she’s going to trample the wedding, the house, the baby situation one day… everything. The wedding is your first big chance to reset that dynamic.