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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think it is okay to keep my home tidy without being called controlling?

31 replies

warrenettie · 21/11/2025 03:56

My friend keeps telling me I am “too tidy” and that my place looks like I am expecting visitors at any moment. For context, I just like my home to feel calm and easy to move around in. I pick things up as I go, I put things back where they belong, and I cannot relax if the sofa is covered in toys and yesterday’s bowls.
The friend in question thinks homes should look “lived in” and that cleaning can wait until the weekend. I honestly do not care how she runs her house. I never comment. But every time she comes over she jokes that she feels like she needs to take her shoes off and whisper in case she “messes up my system.”
I find it annoying because I am not forcing anyone to do anything. I just like my space clean. It makes my day easier and it stops me from losing my mind when everything piles up.
AIBU to think it is perfectly normal to want my home tidy and that she is the one making it a big deal?

OP posts:
Ineffable23 · 21/11/2025 07:31

I think it's mainly fine to be like that but e.g. if someone is building a big railway set (or pick another big intricate, somewhat creative play option) but it isn't allowed to stay out to be played with later or expanded on for another day then that's a real shame. Not all the time, I do see things have to be tidied eventually, but sometimes it can be good to allow stuff like that to extend over longer periods.

Editing to add: to be clear, last night's dishes etc are never a creative endeavour!

BMW6 · 21/11/2025 07:29

Your friend is a cow. Tell her to have her home as SHE pleases but she's no longer invited to yours as she can't stop criticising your home.

Better yet tell her to Fuck Off completely as she's not worthy of your friendship.

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 21/11/2025 07:27

I agree, I used to always clean and tidy in the morning so that I could get on with my day happy although not down to every last piece of fluff or anything. Now with baby and older cat, it's not as easy 🥲

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 21/11/2025 07:15

Your friend is very rude to make these comments.

I think when she sees your nice tidy home she must feel guilty that hers is messy and she is wanting you to lower your standards to make herself feel better.

Everybody is different and everybody has different time pressures so often it's not possible to keep things neat and tidy. I would never dream of commenting on the state of someone's home when I went into it. But if I went into yours i would find it a pleasure to be in somewhere tidy.

Beekman · 21/11/2025 04:08

Unless it’s a hygiene matter, it’s ok to run your house how you want it. I’m probably somewhere between you and your friend in that I keep it tidy and never leave the kitchen in anything but a pristine state before I go to bed but the whole house is not perfect by any means. I think your friend is probably trying to make herself feel better, don’t read anything into her comments other than that

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 21/11/2025 04:04

I’d love to be as clean as you … I’m trying …. but I agree I can’t stand mess and clutter it makes me feel stressed!!

Your “friend” is just trying to empty your bucket to try and make herself feel better…. Try and have catchups outside the house in future or tell her opinions are like farts …. Everyone’s got on inside them but they don’t need to all come outside!!