DD moved in with Ex full time, now her schedule seems dangerous

If she is happy then let her be. I think it's lovely that this is all driven by her enjoyment of these activities and not tied to competition!

I had a lot of music activities and competitions growing up and I think the competing did do some longterm damage to my sense of self as I can't enjoy just "being" - I'm constantly in competition with myself and against others otherwise I feel a bit worthless/like I'm wasting time. I don't think it's a healthy mindset overall and am working on it. It also gave me a bit of a complex about failing (which impacted my ability to pick up new things and complete tasks that I couldn't execute perfectly).

But she is not her brothers? I assume she’s always enjoyed sport.
People are different. Kids are different.

She loves something. She does it without complaining.
Yet you have branded it dangerous. Said she likes ‘showing off’, doesn’t compete. You have told us apropos of nothing that she’s not academic and didn’t get into her brother’s schools.
But she finishes her homework. She has plenty of friends.

Clearly something else is going on. She moved out of your house at a very young age. Presumably her dad is happy to facilitate all this. Do you think she can sense that you disapprove of her?

My sporty 13 year old's winter schedule is 3 x a week after school sport, 1 x evening sport, 1 x weekend training, 1 x gym and often a match too. In summer she has 2 additional evening trainings and more matches. She also has a lot of school sport and competes for the school in various competitions. So it doesn't sound too much to me.
What I do find unusual is the variety of sports and the not wanting to compete. All of the activities you've mentioned, except maybe volleyball, need commitment if you're going to excel at them and you get better by competing and testing yourself. It's great that your DD is clear that that's not what she wants, but it suggests to me that she's not yet found her passion and when she does, there might be less variety and she'll concentrate on that, whatever it may be.
In the meantime, as long as she's getting her homework done, enough sleep and eating well, she sounds fine to me, as long as it's all affordable.

i think it’s positive, she mostly exercises for an hour each day, sometimes two and so it’s not all day every day. It’s something she loves and she clearly loves improving her technique. If only more kids were this active instead of sitting on their bums for hours.

You won’t excel at a sport doing it once a week, and that’s the buzz - getting stronger, beating your PBs etc. Ice skating or playing tennis (my boy plays tennis) is pointless once a week. I assume she is seeing ‘friends’ at tennis, swimming, ice skating etc. The time imo is justified simply because she enjoys it.

My daughter doesn’t compete, she does three amateur shows a year and she’s done a couple of exams (she’s 13). Currently she’s dancing 1-2hrs on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. On top of this she dances in the school dance team Wednesday lunch and Wednesday after school before her regular dance classes. I’m happy for her to do this as long as her school work is up to scratch- the only pressure surrounding this is on my purse.

She can still recite Gilmore Girls word for word, has healthy relationships with friends (both dancers and non dancers!) eats more McDonald’s with mates than I’d like and has managed to strike up a ‘friendship’ with a new lad called Harry! Embrace her energy, so many teenagers don’t come out of their room!

This is all being said presuming your daughter is in good mental health, does not display disordered eating and your not concerned in relation to ‘over excercising’ in a negative way with regards to weight. This is always at the back of my mind due to the prevalence of disordered eating and dancers/performers.

But she’s fit and healthy.
what is ‘dangerous’ about this?
you don’t seem to like her. She’s not like your sons. She’s not academic.
she is ‘showing off’ with her sport.
she’s not bringing you glory by competing (which would have compensated for not getting into her brothers’ school?)
your dislike of her personality is not that subtle.

If she wants to do it all then its absolutely bloody brilliant. So many girls stop doing sports around this age and that has a long term impact on their health and fitness. I would encourage her and be happy for her.
My 14 year old DD has volleyball training 3 times a week (4.5 hours in total) plus matches about once a month and I absolutely encourage it for her health, fitness self esteem and friendship outside of school.

My 7 year old has a pretty intense schedule too - Mondays and Wednesdays ice hockey for 1.5 hours (in winter, in summer he has football those days), Tuesdays he has an hour of multisports club in the afternoon then 75 minutes of wrestling in the evening (which he also wants to compete in), Thursdays is scouts so not sports but still quite active, Fridays is circus school which is also very active, and then weekends there is sometimes ice hockey matches (football in summer) and possibly wrestling matches in the near future. He loves it all and doesn't want to drop anything, if he could he'd join more clubs!

The only thing I would watch out for is that it isn’t to manage weight and body image. I say that because not competing is quite unusual- if you enjoy sport then I can’t imagine not wanting to get better and competing is pretty key to that, it’s kind of the point of tennis, which involves someone on the other side of the net playing against you.

There's really nothing unreasonable about her sport schedule. She's presumably happy with it?

So sport one session per day? I mean that’s pretty much the healthy life recommendation isn’t it? It will be less intense just training as games are always more intensity, so sounds perfectly reasonable. My 10yo likes sport, I think he does 7 sessions a week and it will be 8 in football season. Surf school in summer.

It sounds like you don't understand the concept of sport for enjoyment and think it needs to be competitive for some reason.

Leave her to it. As she gets older some of these interests may drop away but if they don't its not an issue unless she can't handle it alongside school work.

Are you perhaps a bit jealous that your ex can fund all these activities when maybe you couldn't?

Sport once a week and sit around doing what exactly for the other 6 days?

In her room, on a games console, watching tv, doom scrolling social media on her phone?

I think her schedule is fine if she’s enjoying it and doesn’t feel pressured. It’s very similar to my daughter’s dance schedule at the minute. I love how she’s socialising and exercising rather than doom scrolling for hours on end. My daughter knows if she does not keep up with school work it will all be reevaluated. I’d leave her to it and be glad she leaves her room 😂

How lovely that she is so sporty and not consumed by screens and social media. Mooching around the house, monosyllabic with a hoody up, ensconced in her room.

I note she asked to do extras (ski slope) at weekends too so she must feel her energy levels are up for it.

If her academic performance is up to scratch and she’s getting her homework done and not yawning from tiredness all the time, with your support, Id let her crack on. The only thing I might do and to avoid strops at the time, is to start gently drip feeding that she might have to cut back as she edges closer to GCSE and A level prep’ but otherwise be proud that she’s healthy, active, socially adept and enjoying a wholesome life. It could be so much worse.

I did sport every day when I was a teen, often twice a day (practice for school teams morning or lunch time, then a club after school). I didn't compete really other than on school teams. Didn't find it that intense. Had plenty of time for drama, church, watching crappy TV, reading, going out with friends and a boyfriend too (and I did all my homework!).

Has she really dropped piano because she doesn't have time or because she enjoys sport more?

Once a week for sport wouldn’t be much and her friends are probably also doing activities anyway. I don’t hunk the schedule is a problem

Sounds absolutely fine at that age so long as it's driven by the child - which is what it sounds like. She's lucky her Dad is supporting her so much.

That was pretty much my daughter's kind of schedule at that age. All at her request, and she loved all the activities. Unlike me she was a naturally active person who loved her sports and was good at them all.

Unless you feel that your ex is pushing these things on your DD, I'd leave her alone.