Hurt by DH's reasons I can’t come on group holiday

Funnily enough we were exactly the same- DD we went to loads of child free weddings etc.
DS is 6 months old and can't be away from me for an hour, never mind several nights!!

And you would be fine if your husband demanded to go on a trip that you had planned with your friends? Imagine it the other way around, my husband asked if he could go on a trip with my uni mates with me, I don't really want him there as I just want time to relax with my friends and be myself, I tried to let him down gently but now he is telling me to book him on even though I don't want him there and is furious with me for not doing it. Aibu to just want time alone with my friends, he is going away with his friends alone too?

I think yabu

I do dance and I used to do weekenders. My DH is rubbish at dancing, he has no rhythm at all. If I still did the weekenders I wouldn't want him there because he would want me to dance with him but I would want to dance with good dancers.

I think it's similar for this sports trip. You aren't good enough and he will feel obliged to play with you, or he won't and you will feel left out. He can't win in either scenario.

It's a boys trip really, I think you need to accept that.

I’d personally be furious if my DH wanted to muscle his way into a trip I’d planned with my own friends.

Yes I'd be annoyed by that.You are only asking to come for a couple of days. Would be good tennis practice for you. And other partners are invited. I'd probably let it go but make it clear I'm coming to the next group trip.I found once our group all started having babies the men chose to go away together without the woman ,when we all used to go together pre kids .Don't let that happen to you!

Not many mothers are happy to leave their young babies in the first year, so yes OP, your circle do sound rather unusual.

Hopefully, your newborn baby will be as chill as you are OP. Trouble is, life has a sneaky way of not going quite the way we plan. Also your DH and his mates sound like a bunch of wankers tbh.

Not necessarily booking yourself on it, but telling him whilst you note his concerns, you still want to come, and tell him to book you on. Would he still refuse to book you on the trip? I’d be furious if he did…

Op it’s great you have holiday plans. Ignore all the babies are hard work brigade. Are you going away as a family at all? And yes when you have a baby on holiday that does make a difference but just have to
roll with the new life.
As for the sporty holiday, why has the new partner got an invite? Did she kick off I wonder? Is there space for you or are you mucking up rooms etc. As for the sporty bit, assuming it’s somewhere sunny, as a new mum I would be reserving my spot on the sunbed for 2 days. My sport would be reading!
And I would love to see the MN reaction when you, shock horror, leave baby with grandparents for the weekend. I think we did from when they were 1. They have both survived the trauma and have turned out to be well adjusted young adults.

I don’t believe being a parent means you have to give up your friends or life as an individual.

As a woman, that's only going to go one way for you- badly. You qont believe me til you have your baby but you won't want to be separated frequently for holidays and will soon get fed up of flipping your life around the baby while DH carries on insisting the narrative that the baby has simply slotted into your life.

How many of your female friends are buggering off on a weeks holiday while their DHs take annual leave to run the home? Be honest. More to the point, how many of DHs friends are staying home while their wives do that? Because his friends are his benchmark for acceptable behaviour.

Doesn't matter, you're still allowed to be hurt.

However, just because like that in your circle, doesn't mean you'll be the same. But that's separate to how your husband has made you feel. You need a chat about that or it'll eat away at you.

Agree. He should he at home supporting his WIFE and his newborn BABY!!

Is this your first baby OP? You and husband have no idea how you'll feel, what kind of birth you will have and whether you'll want to leave your offspring much in the first year.

Tell him he's hurt your feelings and you're allowed to be hurt. That you feel like he doesn't want you around to cramp his style.

Are these types of holiday really your thing, if you're honest with yourself? I go on physically challenging holidays and there's no way my husband would enjoy it, so he doesn't come. I honestly wouldn't want to feel like I needed to look after him.

I think you're under estimating the power of babies OP.

Yeah you can, when you’re queen of the world you can implement laws to ban parents from ever leaving their child with the other parent. But until that day, yeah, yeah we can.

But OP is planning on going away for four nights around the same time so it isn't particularly unfair.

There does appear to be some obsession on here that once you have a baby neither parent is allowed out. Seperate hols is fine.

to be honest, I’d not tag along on my husbands dos with his mates, it does change the dynamic, and I’d not want him coming along when I go with my mates. But everyone is different.

I think it blurs things that some partners are going however it sounds like they must have a keen interest in these sports.

I think it's hard to say without hearing more..obviously it's out of order but for all we know you could be the sort of person who complains a lot (I'm sure you're not I'm just saying if I was going on a holiday for my sport that my DH isn't interested in i wouldn't be desperate for him to come)

Also agree, you didn't ask people if it was unreasonable for him to be going at all. People on here love creating problems where there aren't any.

I absolutely know this isn't the issue but it could be harder to leave the baby overnight at this age than you think anyway. Obviously I don't know how you're planning on feeding or anything like that but 7 months csn b a bit of a tricky age with sleep ans all that.

You didn't have a baby when you went on your trips. He will have a baby so it is different. You can't just Swan off whenever you want willy nilly when you have a child. Your parents can only help you so much. Also, yes it just seems like he doesn't want you to come. Would you actually enjoy it? Do you have history of moaning when doing sports? Maybe leave them to it.

I think I'd be hurt if more of the other partners were going and I was in the minority, but I don't think you can take it personally if just two out of eight partners have been invited.

Having said the above, does him taking those holidays leave him with enough annual leave to spend other time with you and the baby? You presumably being on maternity leave is an unusually good opportunity in that you can go away at any time; it would be a shame if he were missing out on that because of these trips.

Can’t you just override him? Tell him not to be silly, and that you want booking on the trip. His reasons are pretty irrelevant, as it’s your decision on whether it fits in with what you want to do.