Hurt by DH's reasons I can’t come on group holiday

Hmmmmm I understand the hurt and very low level humiliation. My DH is an excellent runner. I am a distinctly average runner. In his group of excellent runners there are about two women to fifteen men and they are exceptional. They need to be to keep up.

I do feel sensitive about it if we are at a race or something, they don't really talk to me, just move in their elite set.

However - and this is the hard truth of it - if you're not at their standard you will mess up the dynamic. That's just the reality. If they are competitive this is going to be a really fun week for them and it will be marred if he can't immerse in it as he has to keep an eye on you. Honestly it would be very annoying for the others.

Btw, I think it's great you're both getting your separate holidays. I went away with a huge group of my friends when baby was six months old. My DH (very very traditional) family were absolutely horrified.

Fair enough.
I think what's more annoying is maybe the implication that you aren't fit enough especially at this time when your body is changing.
If he had said that truthfully he just wants to be with his pals that would be fair enough.

I’m a bit on the fence here. The separate holidays aren’t an issue because you’re both happy with that set up. If he was getting time away and you weren’t then that would be a problem but that’s not the case here.
I can understand the uni woman going because she’s part of that group but I’d be upset too that one of the other partners is ‘allowed’ to go but you’re not.
Having said that, how would you feel if your DH wanted to tag along to your girls holiday or the hen party? I’d find it a bit weird.
You have your holidays and he has his. I’d still be a bit upset though that he’s saying a blank no to you going.

Certainly, but it’s a shock that he’d be so keen to be away from his new baby like this at all.
There’s a suggestion running through this thread (which I must be misreading) that it's only the mother who needs to be closely involved with the infant, and no mention at all about either parent’s strong desire to not leave the little scrap. Are dads not that bothered, never mind enraptured?

(I’m one of those Oldies not that keen on the creed which holds that new parents need not alter their previous busy social life, and that nothing need be sacrificed now a baby has arrived.
Leaving aside the automatic taking for granted of grandparents’ availability and willingness to leap into any childcare requirements, the impression does linger that the newborn child is about as important an arrival in the household as a new TV.)

Don't mind me, super-crabby because I woke up to a freezing cold house and there’s little prospect of improvement today. Grrr and 🥶

Seperate holidays is perfectly fine if that works for a couple/family. That said I'd be very careful to avoid sleepwalking into a situation where parenthood doesn't change his holidays/lifestyle at all whilst you're left making all the compromises/sacrifices.

I think he's being a bit mean, especially when 2 other "girls" are going. Surely you get to choose? Does he not want you spoiling the fun or something? I would not like that.
Three solo holidays, two for him and one for you, when you have a new baby is quite unusual (not many people have the money at that time in life) but if you're both ok with it, it's fine of course.

If both these holidays are a week long I’d be more annoyed about the usage of annual leave tbh. For most jobs it wouldn’t leave a huge amount left for other stuff.

I think people jumped on the separate holiday thing because most of ua don’t have help that can drop everything and move in for a week. I get what pp are saying about many parents do it alone- but of course that isn’t often easy, especially if you’re not used to it.

If two other partners are going but not you - you are right to be upset.

It's hard to know if he doesn't want you there with the baby or just doesn't want you there at all. You could suggest leaving the baby with your parents for this sporty holiday to tease it out. If he still doesn't want you there then are they are all very sporty and you are not? Or perhaps he feels you had your holiday with your uni friends and now it's his turn. Was he upset when you went off with your friends? Also, how does he feel about the other two wives/partners going?
Maybe he just wanted a lads' holiday and now it's turning into a couples' holiday.
Hard to say.

No! He can't go if you can't go. Absolutely not. Nothing to do with 'how sporty'. You don't go - he can't go. Nip it in the bud asap. Not fair. Don't let him go without you. It is his child as well, right?

I'm not competitive so I'm sure I'd spoil it for those who are.

Boat day & water park sound fun to me though!

We didn't have separate holidays when the kids were young due to lack of funds!

did he tag along to your girls 30th trip? Or will he be coming to your sisters hen? Why are you wanting to go in his boys trip? Genuinely interested

I only learnt this on mumsnet tbh once the time had passed. But 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please don't take offence but were all these babies bottle fed?
My DD ended up being and she could be left, she would sleep in a cot and take a dummy.
My breastfed baby DS was on me every hour at 4 months old and permalatched all night. He wouldn't sleep in a cot, only in my arms.

If you are fine with it then why are you guilt tripping by telling him you are upset that you can't come along too? He wants to go alone, you are fine with him going alone then it's all sorted?

OP, is this something you'd usually go to?
Do you want to go because you want to go, or are you a bit hung up on another of the partners being invited but not you?
I mean that kindly, but sometimes it helps to look at our own motivations.
It sounds like you might change the dynamic, and probably not enjoy it. And maybe impact your husbands enjoyment of it.
Unless this forms part of a pattern of not being invited I'd let it go and enjoy a few days with your parents and the baby - maybe take yourself off to do something you'd enjoy for a day if your parents are willing to watch the baby.

It's perfectly normal. But remember lots of people here don't live close enough to a core community of trusted people to have that sort of stability.

It sounds like he wants just uni friends and the partner who has sneaked it got a by as she is a good tennis player. Maybe it’s the dynamics, maybe he doesn’t want to have to think about someone else, maybe he’s embarrassed to ask them. Either way unless you can get him to change his mind then you are at home with a 7mth old. As you don’t know how your baby will be (a sleeper/colic/needy/happy etc) decide nearer the time how you will spend it. Despite what others are saying a first baby can hit you like a ton of bricks so having your parents around , especially in February, will be nice.

Would you also encourage a man to behave that way?

Yes they do but the hive mind of MN is appalled at such crazy behaviour as a general rule.

If it is normal within your circle to go on holiday without your partner then why would you feel upset?

It's not normal within my circle but I'm much older than you so times may have changed.

I still find it odd that a soon-to-be father is having two holidays in a short period of time without his wife and especially once the baby is born.

Unless he views this as his last chance before he settles into fatherhood,
but it doesn't sit well with me. It suggests someone who is used to doing what he wants when he wants irrespective of his partner's needs.

That could change when he bonds with his child but it may not.