Hurt by DH's reasons I can’t come on group holiday

Yes @fayesfair - people are going off at a tangent.

To be honest, I get what he is saying. He wants to go and let his hair down doing things he really enjoys. If you are there and not as into it as him/the rest of the group, he probably feels he would need to hold back to “babysit” you (apologies for the word but it’s early and I can’t think of a better one at this moment lol). The other partner going is a red herring - you’re not the only partner not going by the sounds of it.

You are ok with him going away so just let it be and try not to focus too much on you not going. 💐for you and your baby

Plenty of parents take separate holidays in the real world. I went on plenty of trips with friends when my kids were younger, they always stayed with their dad who was more than capable of looking after his own DC.

It is a bit rude what he said. I guess he doesn’t want you to go. Maybe he is looking forward to some time with friends, so doesn’t want a partner there. To be honest, I wouldn’t have wanted my partner to come on a friend’s holiday as does change the vibe.

You might not care when you have your baby. Some women carry on with their social lives, others want to be home.
You don’t know which you are yet.

People may sneer and tut and eyeroll at OPs "naivety" over having these holidays booked, but for many families it works. A good few people here have said they did it. In our child's first year, both myself and my OH holidayed separately with groups of friends and there was absolutely no issue! OP has said if they feel differently when the time comes they will change their plans. Surely that's the end of that and we can focus on OPs actual question....

YANBU @fayesfair - I would feel upset by this too.

She asked what other people do, I told her what we did. I don't have living supportive parents so no idea how that feels

He probably doesn’t want you there.

Would you have wanted him tagging along on a trip with your friends?

I do think he’s being unkind to say you’re unwelcome on the trip. As a pp eluded- he’s planning a break away from family life seemingly.

I don’t think it’s necessarily overly ambitious to plan holidays away from a new baby but in my experience it depends on the type of baby you get as to whether they’ll come off. DD was fab- we both had time for fun. DS was another matter entirely and I didn’t take a day/night to myself until he was almost a year old.

He probably wants to go away wig his friends on his own, like you did with yours.

Out of the 8 men, only 2 have invited their partners.
I would not go tbh. He just wants to have some time with his uni friends. It’ll be a different type of break with you there.

If you’re not bothered about the time he’s spending away, leave him to it.

I don’t think he’s being offensive by saying his friends play tennis to a high standard. There’s a reason men only play against women in mixed doubles.

If the 1st girl already knows the group & the 2nd one doesn't, I think she'll be glad of your company as it may be a tad awkward for her. I don't know the girl obviously, she may just get stuck in and be absolutely fine but equally she may need someone else there in the same position.

But the op has said her parents will come. They'll probably be more helpful than dad back at work, most of whom seem to do not a lot in the early days of multiple night wakings. OP good on you for planning not to get all consumed by babyhood. I'd let this one go, let him have his mates trip but if you're happy to leave the baby once its here, take time out for yourself.

Three holidays booked between both of you before baby is even 1 year old?

My daughter knew when her dad wasn’t around as a baby and woke up hourly on those nights instead of 3 hourly. Every single time from very young. I dreaded him going out.
Your husband sounds like one of the dickhead dads who wants the single life still despite being a husband and father.
Neither of you have any idea what your baby will be like in terms of sleeping and being left with other people. He seems very keen for you not to be there and you’ll be wondering what he’s up to with these sporty girls that share his hobbies.

I don't see any problems with the separate holidays if you are in agreement. I left my baby for a week when he was seven months with DH. There was a back story that i wont go into but my DH was fine about it. He was perfectly capable, as he should be, and was happy to do so.

I think your DH probably had the week all planned and you unfortunately are not part of the deal, especially if other partners aren't invited. He could have been a lot nicer about it rather than blame your sporting ability.

I think you should let this one go, but make sure you have time to relax and enjoy yourself without the baby at some point, if you want to.

To be honest I'd probably not want to go if it's how he has described and he doesn't want you there. That's ok.

I say that kindly, I don't think he's being hurtful.

You might be over sensitive right now.

I think it's great you both have plans. I do hope you have got a few days planned too either as a family or 3 or just as a couple.

I think DH doesn't want you on the trip and thats fair enough if its a university reunion. Maybe the partner who is invited has been invited because she's done these water activities with the group before? Unless other things are worrying you bout your relationship Id let it go.

Yeah, I'd be annoyed. Why doesn't he want his mates to meet you and the baby? You are popping along, not joining in. You must have met all his mates and their partners, especially with all thse holidays and close friendships.

Have you made friends with any of the wives/ partners? Two holidays a year sounds a lot, with a new baby, cost of living etc.

I must say you sound like me, before the real live baby arrived. Breathtakingly naive:)

He may not want to be honest about the reason he doesn’t want you there. If you being there will change the dynamic and he wants to relax with his friends, isn’t that a good enough reason for you to say “ok I won’t come, have fun”.

if you never got any time away or you weren’t consulted and he was just taking himself off then that would be different but as you’ve explained that not the case I think you might have to let this go. Does it really matter what his reason is? He doesn’t want you to come.

I disagree the group have decided this. It’s the OP’s partner who has..
Assuming you’ve been invited in the past, I suspect it’s because he’s struggling to see himself as a family man at this point. Men don’t have pregnancy to reset their brains in the way women do.
My own DH wanted us to sign up to a boating weekend with a newborn which thankfully I refused. When it actually came around, we were barely making it out for pub lunches more than 5 miles away! He very quickly had a revelation.
I know you don’t think it’s part of your thread but I’d slow down the holiday bookings as 9/10 people I know didn’t go away along with babies under a year.

This thread is a really refreshing read. My DH and I have always maintained a healthy independent social life and 23 years and 2 children later still going very strong. It might not work for everybody, but it has for us. We also work on ‘if it doesn’t work at the time, we’ll cancel’ policy, mutual respect and support!

OTOH. I’d be really hurt if my DH blocked me attending because I wasn’t ‘sporty’ enough. It sounds like he hasn’t factored you in his ‘vision’ of this trip. Surely it’s up to you to decide if you’d find something boring. Perhaps he just wants to ‘check out’ for a few days and just think of himself which is fine if you get the opportunity to do that too, but it would pinch that other partners are going.

I would approach it again with him, if only to explain his ‘sporty’ comment was unnecessary.

I think its a dick move by the group to invite only 2 partners deemed "sporty enough" to attend the holiday. Surely it's either invite all or none. Then add on top of that that you've asked to go and are being told you can't come, yeah it's hurtful. I don't know whst the solution is though.

It just feels like he doesn’t really want me there? @fayesfair
Maybe he doesn't but doesn't want to upset you by saying it.

It seems you want to have it both ways though, on one hand here you're defending both your decisions to have holidays without each other, but then you're upset thst he wants a holiday without you.

Why do you want to go?

Do you also have any plans for time away together?

I think it’s fine for him to be going away. Like you said, you’ll have plenty of help and plans can change if they need to. I also think it’s fine fir him to want to go on his own. He may feel he has to ‘babysit’ you if you’re there and it will change what he wants to do.

Yanbu- I would be hurt if my DH didn’t want me there. I think his reasons are pretty crap too. So what if you’re not sporty, it’s an opportunity to spend some fun time together, especially if you’re tied into baby duties normally.