Another childcare rant - how do people do it?!

I was a single parent working full time the whole time DD was at school. I had no family help. It was a huge juggle! It was a mixture of childminder and wrap around school care which were all ££! Hardly surprising many people are only having one child. You know it’s going to cost money but until you’re actually trying to work and support a child through school you have no idea how difficult it is.

Relying on one option with no backup strategy isn’t what I’d call “planning.” Planning involves contemplating various (worst-case) scenarios and how you would manage in each. Unrealistic to settle on one thing and assume it will never change.

I am really sorry, but if you have children, they are your responsibility not anybody else’s. You have to cut your suit according to your cloth whilst you need childcare and you have to work your jobs so that there is always one of you available when they are needed.
It is nobody else’s responsibility but yours to look after the children that you created.

How do people do it?

well, I’ll tell you how we did it 30 years ago when there were far fewer wraparound care options and before any subsidised childcare/ free hours whatsoever.

First of all, I returned to work after 3 months as that was the end of paid maternity leave. We spent a big chunk of money every week on day nursery costs. When dc2 came along, childcare was equivalent to my take home pay! So no extra money at all, though I hung on in there for the pension and career progression.

then came the school years. Great, I thought, at least we’re getting 6 hours a day ‘free’ and only paying before/ after school and holiday care. But back then there was no breakfast/ after school club and this was in a town, a fairly large primary school not a rural village. So we ended up having to pay for a nanny style arrangement, employing someone to do the before and after school care. Dh and I staggered our annual leave for several years, so we literally just took one week together, during the school summer holiday when we’d go away. 28 days leave is the minimum you’ll have so that’s 56 days between you, 11 weeks of working days so actually you can cover a fair bit of school holidays without needing to pay for care. Yes it’s a pain when you have to take most of it separately, but try to look at the positives - it means the kids get quality time with each parent.

I absolutely get that it’s not a race to the bottom. But My post illustrates that actually, childcare subsidies and provision are actually far better now than at any time in the past. There’s also the right to request flexible working now which wasn’t a thing when we had kids.

of course it’s not easy and it’s not cheap when you have kids but quite frankly it’s not the governments job to hand every thing on a plate. There will be a solution but living rurally it may mean you just have to throw a lot of money at it for the next few years.

we just accepted in the end that the primary school years cost practically as much in childcare as nursery had. At least the upside was that when they went on to secondary school and hit teenage years we felt we’d won the lottery with no childcare outlay! Then comes university and with means tested student loans, you find yourselves as working parents paying out hundreds a month to pay their rent!!

i totally get how challenging it can feel to juggle it all but it’s really not the Govt’s job to provide everything.

You’re being very dismissive. I very much doubt you would be so flippant if it was yourself or a friend. She might be behind a user name but she’s a person. She lived somewhere where there was provision, the situation changed, do you really think it’s a simple as moving? Potentially selling, buying, paying stamp duty, removals. Would they need to change jobs? That’s before you even get to impact on the children.

It’s not as simple as that and you know it.

There is no magic answer. Flexible hours, part time work, access to better childcare grandparents.

Our access to wrap around was poor too, so I went part time. It closed on Mondays and Fridays a year after we started.

We did 'pick a school' with wrap around, but it closed. Also the concept of picking a school in some areas isnt reality. Everywhere was oversubscribed in my town, and catchments didnt exist. it was just distance, so unless you found a house right next to a school, that was for sale, that you could afford, you couldn't guarantee a place anyway so could waste a fortune.

Agreed. If all it takes to keep your desired childcare open, surely the most convenient thing is one of you joining the committee?! I find it hard to believe that with your first child going into primary school, between 2 working adults you are so busy you can't fit in a monthly meeting.

We chose a school slightly further away that had robust wrap around care. We had to pay for it though. Is yours free, is that why they have volunteers rather than paid staff members?
Otherwise we would have needed to find a childminder.
We both worked condensed hours so had one day off each a week, so only needed wrap around 3 days a week but those were long days. Dropped him at breakfast club at 07.30, picked him up at 17.30.

I couldn’t afford childcare at all in any form. When my first was born my circumstances changed dramatically and I ended up in a situation where childcare cost more than I could earn. And I was the only person to earn anything, and we had to eat, which is why I had to go back to work immediately after my babies were born but also couldn’t use childcare for them (that and they were too young for childcare)

An endless juggle of taking them to work with me (only accepting jobs where I could do this) working with them at home, working nights or through the night, swapping childcare days with friends, creating my own jobs and applying my own hours, leaving them at home on their own, and many many phone calls from the school asking where I was as I desperately pelted towards the school as fast as I could.

I could afford childcare if I had them now, it would have been useful to have had the option but when it isn’t one you just have to get creative (and feel like you are failing them of course)

To some extent, yes. Rural living means less infrastructure. It should be taken into account. I do appreciate that it isn't always simple, but if you've truly got no contingency for back up childcare, and not even a free evening a term to join a committee a small rural school isn't a sensible choice.

Move somewhere where there is. Ideally live somewhere where there is already. Again, I think the issue here is the small village. The chances of there being other people around to look after your DC when you're both at work are massively compromised if you live somewhere with very few other people. If the OP's jobs don't tie them to a small village lifestyle, then it's madness to raise DC there and then wonder why there's no one around to look after your young DC.

OP, you should start looking at school holiday provision, especially for the long summer holiday, now. If you are both working full time and have regular office hours leave, you're going to struggle. How far away is your nearest town?

Well that's why I said "options". Plural.

This sounds so obvious - what if you can’t move, or the school you’re allocated suddenly stops its wraparound care?

We both work compressed hours so only have to cover childcare 3 days a week, we use after school club/sports activities at school. We alternate who does drop offs and pick ups, although DH has just got a promotion but with a longer commute so I'll be doing more mornings , he can now WFH 1 day though so will be able to do both ends that day and on his NWD, my office is very close to home and I've been able to work a day a week from home for some time. The flip side is I have to sometimes travel and be away overnight. We just juggle it between us tbh.

Before schooling, we had a childminder 4 days a week. My husband worked a full time but 4 day week.

I worked 9 to 3 while the kids were at school and my husband a full time but 4 day week. I was self employed so change of hours was simple (although getting the actual work done a challenge).

Holidays involved us and my parents looking after them for weeks on end. Luckily we all live in tourist areas so there was generally plenty to do.

I also agree its the parents responsibility to make their own arrangements for their own children.

Have you looked to see if other schools have ASCs? In some areas they join forces and collect children from each school.

Don’t feel guilty! I do some care to help my DD after school - I love it and it means I get to see my grandchildren every week. If I didn’t do it I’d see less of them as they’re so busy with sports at the weekend.

When I worked I only worked on Sundays for royal mail as a temp and my husband was home. Now I don't work

Just saw there are no childminders - could you do a nannny share ? Is there a local facebook group you could post the question there might be a nanny who is open to wraparound

That's all very well, but A LOT can change between deciding to start a family and that child starting school.
Many couples do not have the option of living near a good school with wraparound care when they choose their first home.
Are people really asking around about wraparound care when they're trying to get pregnant?

And what if the situation changes like the OP’s where the club closed? That happened a lot after Covid, the rise of WFH saw many people reduce their usage of after school clubs and as they’re usually businesses many of them were not viable anymore and closed or reduced their offering.

We use a childminder before and after school?

I am not sure why people are castigating OP for not planning? The school they selected does have an after school club which she is using.