DH recently became chairman of his hobby group, which means he now has to organise the annual fundraising event. So far it has put us nearly £1,500 out of pocket. I gave him money from my annual bonus for a room deposit of £500 and allowed him to use family money, so about £1,000 has come from me personally.
This is his hobby and, frankly, his ego boost as chair. I’ve kept quiet, avoided taking over and being the default organiser like I did with our wedding, kids’ christenings, birthdays etc. and told myself that if he wants the title and the praise, he can do the legwork!
Still, I’ve sourced and paid for a few bits to make it look good because he’d happily settle for the cheapest, most basic options.
One of the decorations is a balloon arrangement we need to make 15 of. We needed to test one last night or tonight so I can make the rest the day before the event. Yesterday I’d done a 13-hour day and had a long drive to and from the office. He invited a friend round to discuss event plans without asking me, even though I needed to be part of it. I sucked it up and got on with it, even though I was exhausted.
Tonight I told him he needed to do a test balloon arrangement so I know what I’m doing when I make the bulk of them. He couldn’t find a suitable pump, kicked off, and said I was being BU and “lazy”. He gave a nasty tirade about how awful I was being and then texted me 10 minutes later asking if I’d “reflected on how awful” I’d been. His argument being that he has had a busy day and looking for a lump is physical whereas last night I just had to talk - as though his physical exhaustion is worse than my mental exhaustion.
All I actually said was that we should’ve done the balloons last night, and that I’ve already put in a lot of effort and money for his hobby event, not mine and we need to do this test run as we wont get anither chance then it will be done last minute and we will bith be stressed. He insists he’s had a long day and it’s apparently fine for me to sit with a glass of wine while he looks for a pump, but he’s completely dismissing the work I’ve put in sourcing favours, raffle prizes and decorations of which I am sorting during wfh days around housework and school pick ups too (his job is FT office).
Right now I’m thinking: leave him to it. Let him run his event however he likes and remove myself from it entirely. In my head that’s the sensible option, but deep down I know it would be a huge blow to him and it would be embarrassing for him if I didn’t attend - the point I am making maybe not worth the fall out.
I also don’t want to show up to an event full of tacky Temu centrepieces and have people assume I played a part in that.
AIBU?