AIBU to step back from my husband’s hobby event after all this?

He doesn't sound great, but TBH you sound like a bit of a martyr. Let him do it himself.

You are absolutely insane (a) spending £1500 of your own money on this and (b) banging on about balloons. Let your useless h deal with the will thing yourself while you rest.

What were you THINKING??

Tell him you want your money back and tell him you wont be participating or pumping anymore money into his ego trip. And you want your money back.
In short: tell him to shove it up his arse 😆

Utter madness. Fundraising events shouldn’t make the organiser fork out circa £2k of expenses and not be able to recoup it.

Who cares if he fucks it up apart from you?!

Seriously, let him get on with it and stop his access to your joint account if he's going to blow it on tacky centrepieces.

Yabu, you say say you’ve avoided taking over, but you’ve obviously massively helped. It’s his hobby event and you’ve paid, wtf?! Just why? Step back. Let him crack on and do Temu centrepieces, sounds like they’re going to be few people to see anyway,

This makes absolutely no sense, the £1500 you’ve “spent” could have gone to the charity your supposedly fundraising for. You’re both as bad as each other him for planning it and you for going along with it. The phrase “more money than sense” springs to mind.

You have doormat syndrome. Many women who write to mumsnet have it. There's no point in offering you advice, as you will continue to be a doormat.

If you need more attendees contact local newspapers and online papers to ask if they’ll write an article advertising the charity event. Even a quick one online might help.

I agree with this tbh.

I voted yabu because you've said you want to leave him to it and are (rightly) concerned about sinking money into an event for his hobby, but then you've also said you don't want anything basic or cheap which was what he was planning to do.

I think yanbu to leave him to it, but yabu to care if he buys cheap stuff (temu is ethically dubious obviously, but that isn't why you've said you don't want stuff from there)

I’d still help him… if he admitted you weren’t being awful. I’d just lay it out to him that it’s his event, his club, his chair and that you’ve helped a lot which isn’t actually a requirement of you as a wife.

If he continued to flounce leave him to it.

I do agree that DH sounds unpleasant though. His text messages are awful 😖

I can't imagine ever getting this involved in DH's hobby. Is it also your hobby? Why would it be embarrassing for him if you weren't at the event - do you know all the people who will be there?

You sound slightly controlling and over involved. DH clearly isn't bothered about balloon arrangements which is why he has no urge to do trial runs etc.

Are you worried that without your help, the event will be a bit of a flop?

'Right now I’m thinking: leave him'

I shortened this stand out sentence from your OP for you. Texting you after ten minutes to see if you had reflected on how awful you had been? You have much bigger problems than this event, that's just a red herring.

This whole thing is insane.

Why are you entertaining any of it?!

Read Let Them by Mel Robbins. Then let him.

I've organised several charity balls. Didn't put any of my own money in. Blagged great venues, decorations and entertainment free or at discount. Sold tickets, had auctions, made between 1.5-3k per event for the charities. When short of ticket sales the event was cancelled. No balloon extravaganzas needed.

I also don’t want to show up to an event full of tacky Temu centrepieces and have people assume I played a part in that

Looks like this is the crux of the argument.

It's his event
It's his tonareange and decide the level of tackiness

But you seem to feel its your event
And that you don't want to be judged for it.

Walk away. Let him sink or swim.

Stop trying to organise and just help him if he asks and if the ask is reasonable like we all donwith our partners.

It's NOT your event

I’m not convinced the OP is the better organiser. Fund raising is not something you can spend your way to success in. It seems almost like she’s approached it as if it were someone’s 40th birthday bash.

YABU because you should never have chucked this much money at the event and you should have left him to it. Instead you're wasting a lot of money and taking over.

Get your money back and back off, it's his hobby and he's being rude. Stop martyring yourself because you're a better organiser than him. So what! He can just do his best.

I can't believe you've spent so much on a fundraiser though.. hopefully you'll get some back......... you don't have sponsors?

Am I reading this right? £500 room deposit and then another £1000 that you say
Still, I’ve sourced and paid for a few bits to make it look good because he’d happily settle for the cheapest, most basic options.

so £1000 on decorations? That are balloon arrangements? Are you mad?
The fundraiser has to generate £1500 before it breaks even!,

for a hobby event.

I think you should have left him to it and had him source the cheapest, most basic options. By spending so much, you’ve upped the stakes and the stress.

I did a lot of fundraising for my kids private school back in the day as treasurer and we never ever spent that much on an event. We got sponsors to donate food, the venue, often the decorations….

Well I can see why he would be upset and why you are wanting to bail. It’s a train wreck.

He has behaved atrociously. Does he usually? Is he always so rude and bloody ungrateful? None of this is your problem. It’s his problem. He should be falling over himself to thank you for everything you’ve done so far.
You are getting your money back aren’t you?