AIBU to step back from my husband’s hobby event after all this?

Same here.

So you’ve currently donated £1500 to this fundraiser??
What a farce.

I can't believe he didn't get sponsors for a fund raiser. We do a beer festival every year. We get the venue for nothing as the owners benefit from the extra footfall and we get all the beers sponsored. Our layout is minimal.

So basically, he’s a Disney dad to this charity while you do all the hard graft to make it functional. Nah. Glad to hear you’ve taken a step back OP but, if I were you, I’d also book myself in for a hairdo/nails/whatever etc that afternoon, otherwise - and you know I’m right - you’re going to get roped in to getting it all set up. Then he’ll wander in last minute, refreshed and raring to go, and ready to take all the credit. Let those petards hoist themselves

If there's no budget for a fundraiser you can't go and spend £1500 and then claim it back. As the chair the husband should be aware what (if any) budget there is for this event and should have stuck to it.

It sounds absurd he's having to pay and you're helping at all. It's his hobby, nothing to do with you. I'd be pissed off he's wasting our joint money on this dross anyway. Never mind wanting to spend more and do loads of work to make it look fancy.

OP, how much money are you expecting to raise at this "fundraiser"? Because the £1500 you've shovelled at what is essentially a subsidised party might as well have been donated directly to whichever 'cause' the fundraising is meant to support!

And how are funds supposed to be raised? You mentioned that people "pay for their food" via the ticket - so, there's no profit from each ticket?

Christ! Are you not completely exhausted and drained by him yet?

This is so wrong! Everything spent upfront should have come from the charity, agreed by their committee/board. If you wanted to make a £1,500 donation (which is what you seem to have done) the spend of that donation should have been agreed by the committee/board.

Your dh cannot use his own money on a vanity project in the name of the charity.

Irrespective of the money you have lost, if your dh does not understand the above, he should not be the chairman / trustee of a charity.

You do need to get your money back. From what people have said on here there is no way they would have used their money for any event like that. Fripperies such as balloons are not needed. Your husband needs to learn from this and he needs to learn quickly as he doesn't seem to have any skill in getting things for free and giving local places a free advert. You could give him a few days to return the money and let it be known it will be a police matter if you do not get your money back. Please let us all know that you will never do the same again, It does not sound like he appreciates the fact you have helped him. I urge you not to get involved in the fund raising ever again. The organisation needs to repay you. Tell them you need the money back urgently. To be truthful I don't know why you used your money. I certainly wouldn't. In future your DH needs to say No in a loud voice and let someone far better at fundraising take over.

You're right, I misunderstood - it's a hobby group doing independent fundraising for a separate charity, so they can't claim expenses from the charity.

Still - the cost of the event should still be subtracted from what they donate to the charity. 100% of profits should go to charity, not 100% of proceeds. Whose bank account is linked to the ticketing?

I do have some sympathy with the OP - unless you are well connected, can pull in favours, and have a good attendance with a decent ticket price and a good auction/raffle, it's hard to raise a lot of money with an event.
I've attended some events that fundraise for my charity, and it's hard to look happy about £100-500 that barely covered our charity's time/cost, let alone make meaningful change for our beneficiaries. They say it's all about building long term relationships, but...

i agree.

And i can see why he’s got the expectation that you were going to help - you volunteered/ interfered! You have definitely created this situation in part yourself.

Pop his pissing balloons and don’t allow him to spend another penny of family money.

Same which means the fundraiser must be under £5000 otherwise it has to be a charity

I get the feeling this isn't a charity, it's just a hobby group with no formal constitution etc in place.

It'll just a bunch of mates who (for instance) go cycling of a weekend and have a fund raiser each year to raise a bit of cash to go on a jolly for a week.

said I was being BU and “lazy”. He gave a nasty tirade about how awful I was being and then texted me 10 minutes later asking if I’d “reflected on how awful” I’d been

the point I am making maybe not worth the fall out.

But you have already had 'fall out' - his nasty tirade and horrible, despicable bullying behaviour. Do you mean that if you don't make this event a success for him you will suffer even worse 'fall out'?
If so, he is an abusive cunt. You need to re-consider your marriage.

deep down I know it would be a huge blow to him and it would be embarrassing for him if I didn’t attend [...]

Why are you concerned about him being embarrassed? Is it because you know he will take it out on you?

I also don’t want to [...] have people assume I played a part in that.

You are far too concerned about other people's opinions. Why care if people judge you?

I'd missed this sentence when I first read the OP:

I also don’t want to show up to an event full of tacky Temu centrepieces and have people assume I played a part in that.

It really does sound as if you have one of those planning, organising mindsets, and that that has prevented you from just letting somebody else's event happen without the benefit of your oversight.

Of course, when it comes to family things like christenings, etc, it is INFURIATING when male partners expect women to take on the mental load. But for something like this, I'm thinking that it is not your DH's indolence and haplessness that has dumped a mental load on you. It is your own restless, anxious need to have control over a situation that has nothing to do with you, but which you have decided is a source of negative or positive judgement of you by the people who attend

The organiser certainly shouldn't have to pay to arrange the event. As others said there must be a treasurer surely you can speak to, to recoup costs? I go to a small local martial arts club and even we have a treasurer!

Is this a charity or just a hobby group? It seems that nobody has a bloody clue how it works. Firstly the committee should agree a budget and it should be adhered to. Secondly, the ticket cost of the event should cover the costs that have been spent (from which you recoup your agreed outlay) and hopefully have some left over for your chosen charity. In addition anything raised on the night should go to the chosen charity.

You can’t just decide to throw a Kardashian style party just to make yourselves look good, and then complain about the cost.

You offset expenses from takings that is just how it works isn’t it. When I did PTA and a year 6 event yes we spent money out of our own pocket but receipts were kept and the money claimed back and very detailed records were kept

charity rules are strict there has to be a treasurer

This all sounds crazy. Its nice you are doing a charity event . But paying for everything seems very odd. Why don't all the members chip in?
And yes all the wives may support the husbands but personally I would resent the way he has spoken to you and wonder how much strain it is putting on your marriage. Is this all worth it ?

Disappointingly, he has not had the extra support he expected he would have had over his predecessors so numbers are as low as ever

Then he should reflect on how awful he is.

No man on earth would have me funding him, doing labour for him, being chastised and called names by him.
Don't give his little hobby one moment of thought. Hobbies are for the individual, no one else's problem. And people who choose to behave badly means no one likes them.

If you don't understand charity finances and he doesn't understand charity finances then you need a sit down with the treasurer.

If there is nothing in the charity's bank account, then claim it from what the event raises. There is a treasurer, and a bank account, right?...
What is the charity's reserve policy amount?

This is all rather batshit. If I had any hobby that expected me to fork out 1.5k for a fundraising event, I’d leave it. It’s all way too much effort surely. The fact it’s his hobby and he’s expecting you to do everything is insane too. Just tell him where to go, it’s all pretty idiotic.