Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To double our mortgage at 36?

108 replies

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:12

We (DH and I, both 36) bought our 5 bed 2 bathroom home 7 years ago as a project for £267k. We've since done a lot of work, remortgaged and currently owe £221k, with 33 years remaining on our mortgage. The house is worth £400k and our current interest rate is quite high as we have had some financial struggles in the past which limited our lenders. We pay £1250/month. Aside from electrics & plumbing I've done the majority of the work myself.

Our home is great but has room for more improvement if it's to be our forever home. We have 3 DC (8 and under), two of whom may live at home longer than usual due to additional needs. We're located less than 10 mins from my Dad at the moment, and the same distance from DC's school (and also the high school theyre likely to go to). The area is OK, its not the nicest but our street is safe and its more affordable than where my Dad lives, hence why we could afford a good sized house for a decent price. But there is a ceiling on the value. My biggest issue is the small garden we have, which was the only compromise when we bought it.

Another house has caught my eye. Its another project- on a bigger scale than our current home, but its in a frankly amazing area where most properties are £800k+. It's currently listed for £525k but isn't selling - it would require a lot of work which may put a lot of people off, but the potential is huge. Its got such gorgeous original features and is double fronted which is my dream. It also comes with an acre of land, a mixture of a large garden, small wooded area and open field. DH and I viewed it and I fell in love, but the catch is that its 40 minutes away from where we are now and would be a similar length drive to my Dad & DC's schools.

I'm completely torn. In theory we could sell our house, put down a 10% deposit (ideally pay 450k-500k max), leaving us £100k for immediate works to get it liveable & we'd then either do the rest ourselves or refinance. It would take about £200k to get it completely done to a nice spec, but then it would easily be worth £1m+. Obviously we'd be saddling ourselves with £400k+ of debt at 36, but the repayments wouldn't be too much more than what we're paying now due to us being more likely to get a better interest rate now. And we'd end up with a beautiful home which would be more likely to rise in value over time due to its location (very rural, no neighbours, adjacent to coveted Yorkshire village). The outdoor space would give us the opportunity to have a mini smallholding with a couple of goats, ducks and some chickens - always a dream of mine (and DD would love this too)

DH earns £85k/yr (a fairly recent development due to career progression), I earn £22k/yr part time (which is needed so I can accommodate our 2 children with additional needs, 1 of which doesn't attend school full time). It feels like a heart vs head choice. Staying is the head option - if we stay here we'd probably spend £50k on an extension to give us a better configuration, additional bathroom, utility room, downstairs wc. But overall mortgage debt would be half so better chance of repaying it/retiring early etc. But my heart is telling me to go for the beautiful dream location which would provide better long term financial growth with short-medium term inconvenience due being 40min away.. DH is happy whatever I decide.

Help please! My late mum would be my sounding board and since she died I'm without someone to talk this over with. AIBU to move to the big project house? YABU = stay put, YANBU = move

OP posts:
Choconuts · 20/11/2025 18:18

Have you actually checked the mortgage repayments as I think they’ll be about £1000 more than you’re currently paying.

Elektra1 · 20/11/2025 18:14

40 min drive to school: no. And that’s without the financial stretch. Stay put, enjoy being near your dad and your kids’ school friends and school, and improve what you have as and when you can afford it.

Bohemond23 · 20/11/2025 18:10

Be wary. You possibly won’t get a mortgage with an uncompliant septic tank. My friend went through this exact scenario. The seller had to sort the tank before the sale could go ahead.

bilbodog · 20/11/2025 18:08

house sounds gorgeous OP. We bought our ‘forever home’ an edwardian double fronted house when we were late 30s. It was in good but dated nick so we spent the first 7 years decorating ourselves. Had a new boiler and central heating done when money allowed. We did more expensive changes when i received an inheritance. We never regretted living there even though we had to downsize earlier than planned due to my DH losing his job a couple of times and we all wish we still lived there. We didnt get rid of a mortgage until we were late 50s and have now downsized to suffolk and have managed to retire to our second dream home.

any chance of finding a similar house which would be closer to schools?

mindutopia · 20/11/2025 18:07

Depends on the sort of happiness and lifestyle it would bring you. Dh and I earned probably a bit more than you (self employed so it’s hard to say an exact salary, but I’d say over £100k but not by loads).

We bought our first house when I was 40. £500k mortgage and £1700 repayments. Very happy with that choice and it’s been very manageable. We’re able to overpay and hope to be mortgage free before we’re 50. It’s a great house in a lovely area and has meant we have a good life that we enjoy.

I wouldn’t spend money just to spend it. I’d buy a place that allows you to live the life you want, but I don’t think a mortgage of that size is wild at your age. 36 is not 56.

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:02

LupinLou · 20/11/2025 18:00

You say you don't have a good rate on your mortgage because of past financial troubles. If they're recent enough to still be affecting your mortgage I'm not sure that someone would want to lend double with a presumably a bigger ltv

It was down to our household income being low due to my business closing in Covid, plus loans we had due to the business struggling financially. I'm now in permanent employment and DH has doubled his salary since then (& we're almost debt free!)

OP posts:
ThatGladTiger · 20/11/2025 18:01

There is a reason it’s not selling. Many people take on renovations.

What happens if you have grossly underestimated the £100k it needs to fix? You’ve then maxed out your mortgage and have to live in a building site.

I wouldn’t do this. Financial security especially in these times is more important.

LupinLou · 20/11/2025 18:00

You say you don't have a good rate on your mortgage because of past financial troubles. If they're recent enough to still be affecting your mortgage I'm not sure that someone would want to lend double with a presumably a bigger ltv

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:59

Helenavets · 20/11/2025 17:55

Instagram has a lot to answer for these days 🙄

Not sure what you mean by this but if my mum were still around her first response to this would be "Heidi has a lot to answer for!" As my goat-owning dreams started at the age of 6 when I first read Heidi 😆

OP posts:
EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:58

Crofthead · 20/11/2025 17:57

The extension you describe will be more than. £50k

How can you possibly know this? 😂 it won't, but thanks for your concern. We've priced it up with our builder and that includes a 10k contingency 😊

OP posts:
Crofthead · 20/11/2025 17:57

The extension you describe will be more than. £50k

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 17:56

Has it had a in-depth survey on it (like all bells and whistles one) because it needs it

Helenavets · 20/11/2025 17:55

Instagram has a lot to answer for these days 🙄

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:54

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 20/11/2025 17:51

Do it.

It's so clear you have fallen in love with the house. It sounds fabulous.

Think of the slow Sunday mornings, think of your Christmas decorations!

Do it, do it, do it!

Haha are you me?! 😄

OP posts:
EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:53

sunights · 20/11/2025 17:49

You'd need to check a lender would be willing to offer a mortgage if there are significant issues with the house. But in the meantime, why not book a viewing and have a chat about options with your current mortgage provider? That way you are at least assessing against realistic options...

Great advice thank you. We've had a viewing already, its a real heart stealer in person!! But I will definitely speak to our lender, that's a sensible next step.

OP posts:
WithDiamonds · 20/11/2025 17:52

We considered adding to our mortgage in our early thirties . We decided not to when the survey of the house we liked showed subsidence. We paid off our mortgage by 40 and now don’t need to downsize. Plus all those years with smaller bills. Do not underestimate the impact of a long day on children with commuting to school. One of the reasons we struggled to find anywhere was because of wanting to live very close to the school.

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 17:52

the problem with heart over head is that all of this is the wonderful bits of moving and none of the actually quite hit negatives.

and in order to make the right decision I think you need to be honest and look at exactly what those are and not through rose coloured glasses.

it is like you have just met a wonderful man who you think is your soulmate and the blinkers are up to his faults. Because they exist and you need to be realistic as to whether those faults are dealbreakers.

the biggest one being the price because you know you don’t just get that big a drop on work needs to be done and puts people off - some significant structural issue (damp/mould/subsidence)

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:51

StrumpersPlunkett · 20/11/2025 17:44

would there be a way that you could move and over pay on your mortgage when DH gets his annual bonus? over paying can reduce your term or your monthly payment, so you could over time bring the term in so that your end date is sooner?

Yes good idea- to date he's only been eligible for bonuses the last 2 years and we've used it to repay loans from the most recent building work on our current home.

OP posts:
MadisonMarieParksValetta · 20/11/2025 17:51

Do it.

It's so clear you have fallen in love with the house. It sounds fabulous.

Think of the slow Sunday mornings, think of your Christmas decorations!

Do it, do it, do it!

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:50

herbalteabag · 20/11/2025 17:42

I doubled my mortgage at 39 and in many ways I regret this as I would be mortgage free by now. Instead, I will have the mortgage until around 64. Currently I'm early 50s and already wishing I was in the position to drop hours at work in the near future, like other people I know. This is unlikely to be possible as I am now separated. So I would personally stay where I was or find another, less expensive house than the one you currently like, but it's up to you of course.

Long term we'd probably look to downsize if we weren't able to repay the mortgage before retirement. The idea being we'd have enough for a decent home for ourselves in a less rural (& cheaper) area with some cash leftover to Gift to the DCs to help them out

OP posts:
sunights · 20/11/2025 17:49

You'd need to check a lender would be willing to offer a mortgage if there are significant issues with the house. But in the meantime, why not book a viewing and have a chat about options with your current mortgage provider? That way you are at least assessing against realistic options...

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:47

FastTurtle · 20/11/2025 17:34

I think the 40 minutes to the school is two much as that would be hours a day there and back there and back plus at weekends to see your DD.
Is there a house C option?
Do you both like the idea as buying property as a way of making of money or would you like to live in a finished house?

There isn't a house C - our current home is a bit of a unicorn and we'd be unlikely to find anything that's the right size/meets our needs (believe me, I'm a rightmove obsessive!)

Personally I love DIY, having projects is my hobby & we've picked our homes well to ensure they were good financial decisions. Neither of us come from wealthy families so the idea of having a home worth six figures feels a bit bonkers but also like a solid financial decision to build a decent inheritance for the DC.

OP posts:
StrumpersPlunkett · 20/11/2025 17:44

would there be a way that you could move and over pay on your mortgage when DH gets his annual bonus? over paying can reduce your term or your monthly payment, so you could over time bring the term in so that your end date is sooner?

RecordBreakers · 20/11/2025 17:44

FastTurtle · 20/11/2025 17:34

I think the 40 minutes to the school is two much as that would be hours a day there and back there and back plus at weekends to see your DD.
Is there a house C option?
Do you both like the idea as buying property as a way of making of money or would you like to live in a finished house?

I agree with this.

It isn't the increase in mortgage (and value of your home) that would concern me, but the distance from schools, and the time spent traveling back and forth every day for years and years and years.

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:43

MidnightPatrol · 20/11/2025 17:29

I think the mortgage is the uncomplicated bit tbh.

40 mins drive to family and schools is quite a lot given it will be multiple times a day.

Where I live 36 is a not unusual time to be a first time buyer, so I wouldn’t really say age is a factor.

TBH I’d be wondering what was wrong for it to be so much more keenly priced than other local properties and still not selling. Flood plain?

Yes that's the sticking point. Less the driving to get to school but more moving further away from my Dad - we're close and he's got dementia so will only need more support as time goes by. But equally if I talked to him about it he'd insist on us moving and not factoring his needs into the equation 🙄

The house needs a lot of work but its liveable. There are a few "big" issues that might scare off less seasoned renovators, e.g. cellar has a well in it, bottom of the garden floods, septic tank isnt compliant. Its also on a very quiet road and hasn't been advertised well by the agents which I think makes a difference (feels like our little secret at the moment!)

OP posts: