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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To double our mortgage at 36?

108 replies

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:12

We (DH and I, both 36) bought our 5 bed 2 bathroom home 7 years ago as a project for £267k. We've since done a lot of work, remortgaged and currently owe £221k, with 33 years remaining on our mortgage. The house is worth £400k and our current interest rate is quite high as we have had some financial struggles in the past which limited our lenders. We pay £1250/month. Aside from electrics & plumbing I've done the majority of the work myself.

Our home is great but has room for more improvement if it's to be our forever home. We have 3 DC (8 and under), two of whom may live at home longer than usual due to additional needs. We're located less than 10 mins from my Dad at the moment, and the same distance from DC's school (and also the high school theyre likely to go to). The area is OK, its not the nicest but our street is safe and its more affordable than where my Dad lives, hence why we could afford a good sized house for a decent price. But there is a ceiling on the value. My biggest issue is the small garden we have, which was the only compromise when we bought it.

Another house has caught my eye. Its another project- on a bigger scale than our current home, but its in a frankly amazing area where most properties are £800k+. It's currently listed for £525k but isn't selling - it would require a lot of work which may put a lot of people off, but the potential is huge. Its got such gorgeous original features and is double fronted which is my dream. It also comes with an acre of land, a mixture of a large garden, small wooded area and open field. DH and I viewed it and I fell in love, but the catch is that its 40 minutes away from where we are now and would be a similar length drive to my Dad & DC's schools.

I'm completely torn. In theory we could sell our house, put down a 10% deposit (ideally pay 450k-500k max), leaving us £100k for immediate works to get it liveable & we'd then either do the rest ourselves or refinance. It would take about £200k to get it completely done to a nice spec, but then it would easily be worth £1m+. Obviously we'd be saddling ourselves with £400k+ of debt at 36, but the repayments wouldn't be too much more than what we're paying now due to us being more likely to get a better interest rate now. And we'd end up with a beautiful home which would be more likely to rise in value over time due to its location (very rural, no neighbours, adjacent to coveted Yorkshire village). The outdoor space would give us the opportunity to have a mini smallholding with a couple of goats, ducks and some chickens - always a dream of mine (and DD would love this too)

DH earns £85k/yr (a fairly recent development due to career progression), I earn £22k/yr part time (which is needed so I can accommodate our 2 children with additional needs, 1 of which doesn't attend school full time). It feels like a heart vs head choice. Staying is the head option - if we stay here we'd probably spend £50k on an extension to give us a better configuration, additional bathroom, utility room, downstairs wc. But overall mortgage debt would be half so better chance of repaying it/retiring early etc. But my heart is telling me to go for the beautiful dream location which would provide better long term financial growth with short-medium term inconvenience due being 40min away.. DH is happy whatever I decide.

Help please! My late mum would be my sounding board and since she died I'm without someone to talk this over with. AIBU to move to the big project house? YABU = stay put, YANBU = move

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 20/11/2025 19:00

It's all very well your dad saying not to factor him into your decision but practically speaking he very much is a factor and being that much further from him might end up being stressful for you.

The house does sound wonderful though!

Panicmode1 · 20/11/2025 18:54

I would wait and see what the Budget brings next week before upsizing into a house which could potentially trigger large annual property taxes.....!!

jbm16 · 20/11/2025 18:50

Whatever you decide I would ensure you get a proper survey done, if desirable and potential to be worth more than £1m I think you have to question why it's not selling, sure a developer or someone would be able to see past the current state.

Therandomtrekker1 · 20/11/2025 18:49

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:43

Yes that's the sticking point. Less the driving to get to school but more moving further away from my Dad - we're close and he's got dementia so will only need more support as time goes by. But equally if I talked to him about it he'd insist on us moving and not factoring his needs into the equation 🙄

The house needs a lot of work but its liveable. There are a few "big" issues that might scare off less seasoned renovators, e.g. cellar has a well in it, bottom of the garden floods, septic tank isnt compliant. Its also on a very quiet road and hasn't been advertised well by the agents which I think makes a difference (feels like our little secret at the moment!)

The septic tank has to be made up to date by the seller. Our mortgage company withheld some money until the work was completed after we moved in then gave them some money back. Just beware that they run the project and it needs to be checked by the council for completion. Also we moved from a 3 bed £40 -70 a month gas and electric to a 5 bed £500 a month for the gas and electric do er upper. Bit of a shock hopefully less after new roof insulation, next year will be double glazing.
we do love it though.

HarryVanderspeigle · 20/11/2025 18:48

If you move, would you still be in the catchment for the secondary school or schools you want? Would you be in the same county, as it can cause issues to change local authority with an ehcp. Have you asked the estate agents why it isn't selling? You would probably get a vague answer, but they can't outright lie if it has sever subsidence and is riddles with asbestos.

RecordBreakers · 20/11/2025 18:47

HermioneWeasley · 20/11/2025 18:35

You already have a 5 bed house

40 mins each way to school - so nearly 3 hours of round trips to schools each day

it sounds quite remote so as your kids get older and want to see their friends not hang out with your goats you’ll also be taxi-ing then to get anywhere. And what if they want to do activities after school and at weekends?

Absolutely this.

Not counting any extra journeys (picking one up early or late or a performance in the evening etc).

This would make me say no more than the financials or the work you'd need to do.

Theseventhmagpie · 20/11/2025 18:46

I would go for it OP. You’re still young.

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:43

chickenfucker · 20/11/2025 18:39

They do say the best way to make money through equity is to take the maximum mortgage you can afford. Which sort of makes sense assuming prices are increasing. We did this at exactly your age and it's quite scary but we do have more than double the equity now seven years later than we had when we moved in, despite borrowIng more for new kitchen and bathroom. We also have a fuck off mortgage payment every month though.

God your username is cracking me up 😂
How do you feel about the decision now? Did you make the right choice?

OP posts:
EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:41

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:38

And properly looking at the negatives - that drive will be brutal. Can it work with working, do you have any leeway if prices go up. Exactly why is it that price (because there must be something)

you cannot make this a heart decision it has to be head because as you yourself indicate there is no safety net return - the house you are in is a unicorn and is irreplaceable so it is a one way move

do how you feel is actually irrelevant it is whether it can financially and practically work

and you need to answer that first and foremost

Thank you this is exactly what I need to hear (and just what my mum would be saying to me).

OP posts:
whirlyhead · 20/11/2025 18:41

It’s a difficult one, as it’s easy to get carried away over a property and over commit finance wise only for it to come back and bite you in the bum. I have a fantastic builder who quoted on my current house, but when he started the work all sorts of problems arose so the original 100k price ended up closer to 200k and we still haven’t finished. Prices keep going up!

40 minutes is a long journey to do several times a day especially in terrible weather.

but you’re young still so maybe none of these things bother you. It’s up to you at the end of the day.

AdoptDontShop2025 · 20/11/2025 18:41

I'd do it. We did it. We did it. No regrets.

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:41

@EponymousEponine and I think if you were my daughter I would tell you it is your decision but one which you need to be completely and totally aware of all the factors, all the risks and all the rewards and actually make sure your heart isn’t leading your astray.
Your children are relying on your to make the right call and it isn’t one you can do lightly

chickenfucker · 20/11/2025 18:39

They do say the best way to make money through equity is to take the maximum mortgage you can afford. Which sort of makes sense assuming prices are increasing. We did this at exactly your age and it's quite scary but we do have more than double the equity now seven years later than we had when we moved in, despite borrowIng more for new kitchen and bathroom. We also have a fuck off mortgage payment every month though.

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:39

HermioneWeasley · 20/11/2025 18:35

You already have a 5 bed house

40 mins each way to school - so nearly 3 hours of round trips to schools each day

it sounds quite remote so as your kids get older and want to see their friends not hang out with your goats you’ll also be taxi-ing then to get anywhere. And what if they want to do activities after school and at weekends?

See this is exactly what I need to hear - when you put it like that (3 hours of round trips!) it feels more impactful. Ive posted in previous replies about my kids - if only after school clubs existed that meet their needs!

OP posts:
Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:38

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:34

This is my problem - I get emotionally attached to houses in a big way. It was like that for our current and previous homes. I still occasionally drive past 'the one that got away'.. but yes you're absolutely right. I think I posted to see what comments would come up to help me weigh up how I actually feel about this and whether its worth the time investigating it further.

I think next steps are calling our lender, putting a spreadsheet together (be still my beating heart!) & seeing if our builder will come along to another viewing with me.

Edited

And properly looking at the negatives - that drive will be brutal. Can it work with working, do you have any leeway if prices go up. Exactly why is it that price (because there must be something)

you cannot make this a heart decision it has to be head because as you yourself indicate there is no safety net return - the house you are in is a unicorn and is irreplaceable so it is a one way move

do how you feel is actually irrelevant it is whether it can financially and practically work

and you need to answer that first and foremost

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:37

cestlavielife · 20/11/2025 18:28

Factor all the extras insurances mainenance (paying gardener?) . Higher council tax? Heating bills . Paying childcarers so you can fit in the DIY.

Multiply your reno budget x 3 just in case. What happens if dh gets sick? Get goid insurance to cover that.

If youhave good contingency ...

Yes you're right I need to put together a full multi year breakdown. Its unlikely to be more ongoing costs as our current home is a similar age/size (& a pain to heat!), but being able to save & eventually afford the different stages of building work that would be required is important. Thank you

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 20/11/2025 18:35

You already have a 5 bed house

40 mins each way to school - so nearly 3 hours of round trips to schools each day

it sounds quite remote so as your kids get older and want to see their friends not hang out with your goats you’ll also be taxi-ing then to get anywhere. And what if they want to do activities after school and at weekends?

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:34

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:29

@EponymousEponine you seem to almost be in limerance to this house batting off any negative as if it doesn’t exist.

and you can’t buy a house like this - this decision needs you to go in seeing it exactly as it is warts and all and accepting of them and that they exist. You need to know what the flaws are and be ok with them.

you need this to be a head and heart decision

This is my problem - I get emotionally attached to houses in a big way. It was like that for our current and previous homes. I still occasionally drive past 'the one that got away'.. but yes you're absolutely right. I think I posted to see what comments would come up to help me weigh up how I actually feel about this and whether its worth the time investigating it further.

I think next steps are calling our lender, putting a spreadsheet together (be still my beating heart!) & seeing if our builder will come along to another viewing with me.

OP posts:
opencecilgee · 20/11/2025 18:31

you have more than 30 years of working life left. So yes, go for it!

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:29

@EponymousEponine you seem to almost be in limerance to this house batting off any negative as if it doesn’t exist.

and you can’t buy a house like this - this decision needs you to go in seeing it exactly as it is warts and all and accepting of them and that they exist. You need to know what the flaws are and be ok with them.

you need this to be a head and heart decision

cestlavielife · 20/11/2025 18:28

Factor all the extras insurances mainenance (paying gardener?) . Higher council tax? Heating bills . Paying childcarers so you can fit in the DIY.

Multiply your reno budget x 3 just in case. What happens if dh gets sick? Get goid insurance to cover that.

If youhave good contingency ...

Zanatdy · 20/11/2025 18:27

from someone who has been doing the school run for 27yrs. Do not move 40 mins away, as it will a lot longer in morning traffic. Takes me 25 mins to go 3.5miles.

rainsbows · 20/11/2025 18:24

Tricky! I’m 37. Our combined income is £102k, house is worth 920k, the mortgage remaining is only 57k. Size wise it’s perfect for us. Location could be better though it’s only 15min drive to school / work and a bus ride to station / big town centre. I too regularly think of moving. But for the same size house in a “nicer” area, eg 2 miles down the road, our 57k mortgage would become ten times that easily. It’s insane.

HeyThereDelila · 20/11/2025 18:23

I love the sound of it and can see why you do too…. But… don’t do it.

Two DC with additional needs, 40 mins away, far from your DF who is presumably now a widower, you earn £22k, it’s more debt and a big project.

I wouldn’t do it, sorry OP. Look for something more manageable nearer to your DF.

TwoTuesday · 20/11/2025 18:19

You'll spend your life on the school/ dad run for the next ten years, the mortgage sounds ok though.

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