A man who doesn't see his children

His name doesn’t begin with B does it? Sounds like the type of shit my ex likes to spout.

Tells people I don’t let him see our ds when in reality he has always been told he is welcome to see him but hasn’t since he was a baby.

I wouldn’t trust any man who doesn’t care about his own flesh and blood.

Yes it would be for me but I’ve lived through a couple of men being denied access to their children with (genuinely) no valid reason. So whilst I’d be very cautious of this man I know from bitter experience that some women really do use their children as weapons. If I got even a hint that he wasn’t fighting to see his kids, I’d be out of there.

ok, so responded before reading whole thread. Ignore me!!

Its fucking irrelevant. He stuck his dick in and didn't want the responsibility.

This could be you being told to terminate.

Run.

There’s your answer. It wasn’t a one night stand that resulted in accidental pregnancy. He didn’t WANT kids in the established relationship he was in and she did. The relationship broke down bc he didn’t want to stay with her and bring up their child. It’s not about being barred from the kids life and respecting the mothers wishes - he didn’t want the kid to be born, he’s unlikely to be bothered about a relationship with them now.

How does this make it better?

Yes, it's a red flag. A friend of mine dated a man who had children (different Mothers) and 1 child he didn't see. He made up some cock-and-bull story that his ex has stopped him from seeing his daughter. To cut a very long story short, she ended up having to do a Clare's Law request, it turned out the reason he didn't see his eldest daughter was because there was an indefinite restraining order against him, he wasn't allowed contact with his daughter or to contact her Mum. I'm not saying that the reason this man doesn't see his child, is as extreme as this but it's entirely possible, and you always should remember, you are only hearing one side of a story. Yes, there are dreadful women out there who are bitter and use their children as weapons, but equally there are a lot of shitty Dad's out there too. The truth is very often somewhere in between, but a man who doesn't see his children, should always be a red flag.

makes no difference, it's not a choice thing that 'good men do because they are kind.' It's a legal requirement! The man still doesn't see his child- he's a douche bag.

you do know 'paying child maintenance' doesn't make it ok? It is often not voluntary, it's a legal requirement. My child's father pays maintenance because he is forced to not because he has a heart. He has no moral compass.A judge ordered him to pay!

Did he give financial support or at least set aside money in case the child looked for him? He didn’t want to upset the mom with court means he didn’t want to pay most likely. He didn’t want to have a kid, but he has sex. I am
not impressed with this man.

I’d run. He’s either a deadbeat or there’s drama. Neither of which i’d want in my life.

Did he make this decision when he was younger? Paid the maintenance and moved on with his life, thinking one-night stand? Personally, he wouldn't be my kind of person, so I'd pass.

That's HIS version remember.

How old is this man?
does he have other children? Ones he is involved with?
does he pay child maintenance ?

I'll never understand why men who are so adamant they don't want children, won't have a vasectomy.

she wants nothing to do with him. The child is a whole different story.

A friend married someone who didn't see his teenage daughter. He went off with someone else when she was pregnant.

I would run for the hills. Trust me.

Selfish arse. 100%

Hope YOU are using contraception or you'll be on your own with another child of his.

If she dumped the baby with its father and didn’t contribute financially then yes I would. But she didn’t do that.

In the case of my narcissist ex, he wasnt interested. Neither was his equally narcissistic old bag of a mother. He is, however, now quite ill with possibly not long left. The tables have turned and his now adult kids arent interested 🤣

He's a selfish arse. Regardless of whether you want children or not, if he can put himself before his own flesh and blood to that extent, he's a deadbeat loser.

Wouldn't touch him with a barge pole.

I dated a man who was denied access to his daughter.
I was dubious at first but he fought tooth and nail to see her, paid csa, travelled to the other end of the country to court. The mother didn't turn up and eventually was warned she would be arrested if she absconded with her child again.
The man eventually died of pancreatic cancer before getting any kind of access.

That was the only situation in which i would date someone who didn't see his child, one who was actively trying to.

Your guy sounds awful tbh.

I do know a man who went to court to gain access to his child and admittedly it does cost money which not everybody has. But I would want to hear a backstory of a man fighting for his rights, paying child support and trying to figure out what he could do at the very least. Not just shrugging his shoulders "respecting the mothers wishes." Sorry.

I couldn’t be with a man like this. How can you just go about your life knowing you have a child somewhere, no clue weather they are being taken care of or worrying about the rejection they might feel because you haven’t tried, all red flags in my opinion.

And he's not contributing to his child, at all?

Feeble excuse and lazy with it. Not my kind of person.