A man who doesn't see his children

In that case a woman can also decide to not have a baby - she can be sterilised , she can take contraception or she can choose to not sleep with a man who won’t wear a condom . She can not have sex.

But , she can also choose to terminate a pregnancy if she doesn’t do all of the above or any fail. A man cannot .

Abortion is taking long term responsibility for not bringing a life into this world. And it's not as if once it has taken place you never think about it again.

Adoption is making a choice for the long term future of a baby - provided they don't die tragically young. Plus lots of adoptees meet their birth parents later in life - how is that not a long term ramification?

I'd take anything he says with a pinch of salt. My ex told a girlfriend that he met me as a one night stand and that's why he had no contact - he'd known me for 8 years before I got pregnant!
I'd say huge red flag and run for the hills

Unless they are married he can dip out not sign the birth certificate even leave the area its easily done zero responsibility zero accountability even if they could be found its 12% of their wage not from when the child is born but from when the case is opened and they close it if they cant be found

So yes men can and do absolve themselves

I wouldn't be interested in being with a dad who didn't think they were really important to their child and didn't fight to be part of their child's life.

Adoption is handing responsibility over to someone who actually wants the child. Just as this man has done.

I think this is different. And worse. He was in his son's life for four years. The man in OP's has never been a father to the child.

Everyone can seem nice!! I don’t understand why you need to ask - a man who has no contact with his own child is not worth getting to know. Just walk away.

The point is that it may well be a good line, a man who lies about this is likely to lie about anything.

The thing is, it doesn’t fit the rest of the picture you paint. And you should pay great attention to that

So he didn’t want to persue contact. No way i’d want a relationship with a man who couldn’t be bothered to get access to their child. No way.

I happen to think those are too extreme. It's like telling a woman who doesn't want children right now that she should have a hysterectomy or stay a virgin!

Run

A man can decide he doesn’t want a baby. He can have a vasectomy. He can use a condom properly. He can not have sex.

At risk of being flamed…..I never wanted children, so honestly couldn’t care less. I’d judge him on how he treated me.

HUGE red flag 🚩 I say this as someone with a 13yo boy who hasn’t seen their dad (the dad’s choice) for 9 years and really struggles with this.
run away- fast

celibacy or a vasectomy….no one forced him to get her pregnant

Maggie I agree, but the question the op asks is would you run for the hills. Absolutely, if the father doesn't want a relationship, not even for the child's sake, hes a first class wanker, to be avoided at all costs.

First post nailed it.

Run.

I’m going to go against others here after reading all your posts .

You say he said she wanted the baby but he did not. Was she aware that he was not going to be a part of the babies life?

When a woman doesn’t want a baby , everyone will rush to her defence and say she has the choice as it’s her body , regardless of how the man feels ( I am also pro choice btw ) so why can a man not decide he doesn’t want a baby ? Both parties are aware sex can lead to pregnancy , both are able to take precautions and know the implications if they do not . No one would expect a woman to go through with a pregnancy just because she didn’t take precautions. So , if he was clear , I wouldn’t write him off because of it.

However - I would think differently if he didn’t contribute ( unless she did not want anything from him ) . They both made the decision to take risks and get pregnant - either can make the choice to not want the pregnancy to continue but she shouldn’t be left struggling financially because of this.

How beneficial would it be for an unwanted child to have a forced relationship with the person who didn't want them, though? I actually think that's probably crueler and a fast track to childhood trauma!

He was willing to take the long term responsibility of abortion or adoption…

Maggies, yes. As i said, the child has the right to a relationship with her father.

I might have missed this, but have you asked if he pays child maintenance? Even if he didn't want the child, I would expect him to meet his financial obligations.

But at the point that one of the parents wants an abortion and the other doesn’t, they should both have the same right to walk away from future financial and childcare responsibilities. When a pregnancy is discovered early enough, I don’t believe it is fair that one person can choose to absolve themselves from the financial responsibility and the other can’t.

I agree that NRPs should pay for their children, but I think resident parents should be expect to as well. The choice to have a child knowing that your sexual partner doesn’t want to be a parent is both a right and a responsibility that women hold.

Didn't OP say he didn't want a child?