A man who doesn't see his children

He has taken no responsibility for his child.
I could not get past this

I would be very reluctant to date any man with a child but definitely not in this case.

Someone at work mentioned once that he had a child in his home country with an ex... I have never been able to see him in the same light, I can't believe he moved here and just left his child. Even if the child's mother refused to let him see the child - he should stay in the country and keep trying as hard as he can.

It might be at odds with everything he's showing you right now, and telling you. But it's the situation. Wild horses wouldn't stop him forging a relationship with his child if he wanted to. Has he pursued access via court? What happened?

Bin. Unless the mother left the country against his wishes, in which case I'd be expecting him to visit every chance he got, this is not something I'd be prepared to overlook, because of what it says about him as a character.

I have been happily married for decades. If I were to discover that my DH had had a child who he deliberately had no contact with growing up, that would be the end of our marriage.
Op, run away from him.

He's a walking red flag, never get involved

Yes, I was all ready to tell OP to run for the hills, but honestly, he didn't want the child, and was very clear about it. Not much different to a woman giving a child up for adoption. The little girl isn't going to benefit from forced visitation with an uninterested father who didn't want her in the first place. She's much better off with the parent who actually wants to raise her.

He should 100% be paying maintenance though.

Let’s look at how you’ve described this man and what makes you feel like he’s a catch:

”Seems great” - EXCEPT as a father or as a partner when it comes to supporting the child they both made

“gets on well with his family” EXCEPT his own daughter 🤦🏻‍♀️

financially secure - BECAUSE he’s not taken the financial hit to his career by being a hands-on parent to the child he brought into the world and probably isn’t contributing a true 50% cost of raising them.

responsible - EXCEPT when it comes to his own child.

So, by your definitions, he doesn’t actually have any of the good attributes you want in a man, does he?

This.
It is very, very common behaviour in men, but to my mind it is sexist.

An unborn baby is an inconvenience, he wants her to have an abortion, never mind what it might do to her mental health.
He somehow thinks he has some kind of 'right' to have sex, to access a woman's body as long as she consents, but he doesn't want to be a dad, never mind that no contraception is 100% effective.
That contraception is her responsibility, not his.

Basically, men who want sex but who want nothing to do with babies, contraception, or pregnancy, as all that is 'nothing to do with him'.
Immature and sexist.

No.
And if he had given the child up for adoption, he wouldn't be a dead beat either.

Its a different situation and really not the gotcha you think it is.

A woman can choose not to be financially responsible for a child by having an abortion or giving up the child for adoption. I may be wrong but I don't think a man has that right.

It is the same situation. Before easily available abortion, many women gave up babies for adoption because, like Clare, they were not ready to be mothers. A potential father does not have that right.

Yes this is true, it counts quite alot. But then there are men who do that, don’t have accommodation to have their children there, despite being free and single so to speak, in that they have no day to day responsibilities for kids that means their career is affected. And asked their gf or family to have them at their house.
On top of that a home where the rent is paid for by the state, sorry to me that is wrong. That is a man really having the best of both worlds.

Run

No woman is forced to be a mother. Adoption is an option ( or abortion). I don't think a man can completely give up parental responsibilities. Can he?

It’s not the same situation

If they were in relationship why didn’t he want her to continue pregnancy?
And then depending on his answer to the question above why he had sex with her and unprotected on top of everything?

If you proceed, do it with the understanding that if you have children with him you need to be prepared to be a single parent at any given point. Horrible men can play nice easily for a while to get what they want, don’t be sucked in by the good guy act. Only a deep seated nasty bastard would walk away from a life they created, that’s the part to focus on. Not the meals out and the compliments and the “thoughtful” gifts. We’re talking about an actual abandoned child op!!

Would you label a woman who gave up a child for adoption because she didn't want a child, a deadbeat?

Run. That has nothing to do with the DC who has a deadbeat dad.

Clare Short, the MP, had a child whilst at university and gave up the child for adoption. She didn't want a child but she didn't want an abortion ( or she found out too late). Would you judge her?

My DB had a one night stand when working in a certain area of the country over 200 miles away from where he lives and she ended up pregnant. It took 4 years to find him because she didn’t know his name. He has nothing to do with the child & has never met them but does pay maintenance. He is now happily married with children to whom he is a wonderful dad. I wouldn’t say it’s always a red flag, sometimes circumstances are unfortunate & it’s not always black and white.

RUN and don’t look back, they’re all nice in the beginning, eventually you’ll see the reasons he doesn’t see his child, eg selfish, no morals, disrespectful, the list goes on

Ok but that doesn't stop him from having a relationship with his child does it.

A decent man would go to the ends of the earth for contact. I would not trust this one an inch. Truly x

I would want to know more about it before assuming it was a red flag.
My neighbour split up with his wife, she took their child up to the Scottish highlands and made it very difficult for him to see his dad. As soon as he was old enough, the boy moved back to be with dad.