Page 7 | To think skid marks are not normal?!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 2025-11-20T15:07:18+00:00

SD’s shitty pants are really, really revolting😫 It’s not normal for a ten year old, is it???

Original poster

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 16:07

Thanks to the people who’ve posted helpful suggestions!

To the rest, I hope you stub your toes and slip on the ice 🙂

OP posts:

FurForksSake · 20/11/2025 16:05

Ds had a special box on a shelf discretely position by school so that he could get his supplies. School can be supportive.

Susiy · 20/11/2025 16:04

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 15:50

You’re right, should have posted it as if she was my daughter, because here comes the stepmum pile on! Top marks, not predictable at all

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Would you have posted the same thing about your own child?
Absolutely not.
It's not just your step-daughter you're trying to shame but her mother too.
Nasty.

Original poster

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 16:03

Susiy · 20/11/2025 15:59

It sounds like she is being neglected or there is an issue at school (no loo roll, boys in the girls toilets, door doesn't close properly, something else). If it only happens on Fridays maybe she is not getting clean underwear every day during the week. She could be wearing the same underpants for 2 days or more etc.

Her father really should be more supportive and not trying to shame her.
That's actually horrible.
Life is hard enough on children from broken families.

If you or he is reacting in a similar way to the tone of your posts, you need to take a different approach and think of the child first rather than yourself.

Edited

Of course I’m not reacting like this to her, I don’t react or mention it at all to her. I don’t breach her privacy by discussing it with friends. But this is an anonymous forum and I’m venting because I am exasperated at, yet again, getting a handful of literal shit from someone old enough to know better!

I will try to get her alone and get her to open up about whether there’s anything else going on.

I expected to be told to keep out of it as it’s for the parents to discuss, or that it’s really annoying but quite normal at that age.

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bigboykitty · 20/11/2025 15:59

JaneEyre40 · 20/11/2025 15:08

Erm it's kind of your job to teach her.

Or possibly her actual parent's job...

Susiy · 20/11/2025 15:59

It sounds like she is being neglected or there is an issue at school (no loo roll, boys in the girls toilets, door doesn't close properly, something else). If it only happens on Fridays maybe she is not getting clean underwear every day during the week. She could be wearing the same underpants for 2 days or more etc.

Her father really should be more supportive and not trying to shame her.
That's actually horrible.
Life is hard enough on children from broken families.

If you or he is reacting in a similar way to the tone of your posts, you need to take a different approach and think of the child first rather than yourself.

SirRaymondClench · 20/11/2025 15:58

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Original poster

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 15:58

Namechange29383929383 · 20/11/2025 15:55

The school I went to (in the early 2010’s) not only had hygiene conditions in the loos that were so foul that I’d hold off using it at all costs but there also wasn’t loo roll in the cubicles. There was a woman who stood at the front and handed you some as you entered. I’d imagine for a lot of people, especially for anything other than a wee, there were times when this simply wasn’t enough. If this is only happening on school days is there a chance factors like this are at play?

Honestly I have never heard of a toilet room attendant in a state primary school!

I think I will get her in private and ask more about why it’s happening though, perhaps she will talk to me rather than DH

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Namechange29383929383 · 20/11/2025 15:55

The school I went to (in the early 2010’s) not only had hygiene conditions in the loos that were so foul that I’d hold off using it at all costs but there also wasn’t loo roll in the cubicles. There was a woman who stood at the front and handed you some as you entered. I’d imagine for a lot of people, especially for anything other than a wee, there were times when this simply wasn’t enough. If this is only happening on school days is there a chance factors like this are at play?

Original poster

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 15:55

GooseyGandalf · 20/11/2025 15:49

It’s a health concern because utis can be picked up that way.

It doesn’t sound like her df is handling it well if she’s getting defensive and fibbing about it.

There could be a reason it happens in school - rushing because time is limited, or because the locks are faulty, being scared to waste toilet paper, toilet paper not being available reliably, avoiding using the toilets and “sharting” her pants.

Surely there’s at least one competently empathetic adult in her life that can help her without turning it into a humiliating ordeal?

I notice it because I sort their laundry into whites, darks and colours. I strongly suspect from the clothes from their mum’s that she washes all their clothes together. A lot of her pants from mum’s house have old shit stains in even when “clean.” So I guess mum’s either not noticing or doesn’t care.

As I’ve said DH has spoken to her about it multiple times, in private and in public, with a variety of approaches and it’s not working.

I could try but to be honest I felt this was better coming from a parent

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Original poster

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 15:50

SirRaymondClench · 20/11/2025 15:45

Your claim that you posted this thread because you weren't sure if 10 year olds were similar doesn't wash because you then mentioned that her 6 year old and 11 year old siblings don't do this.

You really don't like your SD do you OP?

I really hope she never finds out you made this horrible thread about her.
I'm a SM by the way and I'd never have shamed my SS like this.

You’re right, should have posted it as if she was my daughter, because here comes the stepmum pile on! Top marks, not predictable at all

OP posts:

GooseyGandalf · 20/11/2025 15:49

It’s a health concern because utis can be picked up that way.

It doesn’t sound like her df is handling it well if she’s getting defensive and fibbing about it.

There could be a reason it happens in school - rushing because time is limited, or because the locks are faulty, being scared to waste toilet paper, toilet paper not being available reliably, avoiding using the toilets and “sharting” her pants.

Surely there’s at least one competently empathetic adult in her life that can help her without turning it into a humiliating ordeal?

Original poster

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 15:49

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Every weekend

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Beekman · 20/11/2025 15:48

This whole thread is dreadful. Not the issue itself, which is fairly common with kids, but the way you speak about SD. She’s only ten. Maybe she has toilet issues when she’s with you for a reason.

SirRaymondClench · 20/11/2025 15:45

Your claim that you posted this thread because you weren't sure if 10 year olds were similar doesn't wash because you then mentioned that her 6 year old and 11 year old siblings don't do this.

You really don't like your SD do you OP?

I really hope she never finds out you made this horrible thread about her.
I'm a SM by the way and I'd never have shamed my SS like this.

Bestluck · 20/11/2025 15:45

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Bestluck · 20/11/2025 15:45

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Original poster

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 15:44

FurForksSake · 20/11/2025 15:34

I’d be getting DH to wash them.

Wype make a gel you put on toilet paper and wipe with, it’s great and comes in small sizes.

she’s obviously embarrassed, so finding ways to positive reinforce when she’s getting it right at the weekend is good.

I have got one of my kids to wash his own pants, similar age. It was done very gently and with the question with who he expected to clean them and why he thought that was ok rather than checking until the tissue was clean? It did work. But as a step parent I don’t think I would go down that path. dh and her mum need to discuss that.

I don’t think the issue happens when she’s relaxed at home, it seems to be at school or on fun days. She doesn’t carry her bag around at school yet so that wouldn’t work but thanks for the suggestion

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Original poster

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 15:42

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I do the laundry because I WFH, if DH does it he ends up leaving laundry in the machine for ages as he has a long commute. With three SC into sports, a toddler and a DH who works outside the laundry builds up fast!

DH does his fair share on other tasks.

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Myfamilyisquirky · 20/11/2025 15:40

Please don't shame her be gentle school is stressful so are school toilets. she will grow out of it have a calm chat try not to get stressed it will pass. My life is dealing with a lot of poo / wee incidents with my 11 year old autistic son I sympathise but you don't know you are born.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 20/11/2025 15:36

Wait... she blames her little brother for soiling her underwear???

😂😂😂

FurForksSake · 20/11/2025 15:34

I’d be getting DH to wash them.

Wype make a gel you put on toilet paper and wipe with, it’s great and comes in small sizes.

she’s obviously embarrassed, so finding ways to positive reinforce when she’s getting it right at the weekend is good.

I have got one of my kids to wash his own pants, similar age. It was done very gently and with the question with who he expected to clean them and why he thought that was ok rather than checking until the tissue was clean? It did work. But as a step parent I don’t think I would go down that path. dh and her mum need to discuss that.

OriginalSkang · 20/11/2025 15:34

I know a child who claimed that they didn't know it was happening/why. They were told if that was the case they would need to see a doctor about it. It suddenly improved

CluckerHam · 20/11/2025 15:32

It can be a constipation thing

Original poster

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 20/11/2025 15:31

Muffsies · 20/11/2025 15:26

This is actually the most likely explanation in her age group. Anal retention is a real thing, and it's not something that kid's conciously do on purpose. It can be caused by a physical or psychological issue that she cannot help. She might even be avoiding the loos because she's getting bullied, making the situation worse. I'm sure that her peers at school have noticed by now.

My sister used to wet herself from about 8-12; the teachers told my mum it was attention-seeking behaviour. It turned our to be caused by an abnormality in her ureter. That whole period in her life still affects her self-esteem today, and it makes me bloody mad.

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She has a very regular poo every morning at our house, I can’t speak for her mum’s.

I’ve noticed it on days we’ve had a particularly fun day, either out somewhere or with friends staying, so I don’t think it’s medical, just rushing/forgetting.

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