Mum asked to stop breastfeeding a TWO YEAR OLD in shoe shop.

The trauma isnt in denying a child BF, its in absorbing/projecting/perpetuating messages that there is something wrong with BFing a child.

The above is in response to your post.

so alternative situation , daddy is in the shop ,with the same distressed 2 year old - how does daddy comfort that toddler? Or does mummy always need to be present? How do you think toddlers learn ? Do we always give children the option that’s easiest for ourselves or do we support them to learn other behaviours that mean they will be less distressed in future situations? You aren’t thinking ahead. And , no, there is really very little evidence of the benefits of continuing to feed older children past 2 in developed countries, otherwise the guidance would be to carry on as long as possible!

I’m sure you’ll agree that getting your breasts out in public is hardly comparable to giving a child a glass of milk.

But the cuddly toy comparison means the bf isn’t about nutrition

ive Never been to Poole and I don’t know this shoe shop. If it’s very small and her being in there with her family not buying anything meant other customers were deterred then I can see why they had a problem. If it’s big enough then can see her point

There are some awfully aggressive women on here. I feel there is sometimes an element of at least some mothers just not wanting their child to grow up because they still want a ‘baby’ and where they themselves instigate it and are getting more from it rather than because the child actually needs to do it when they are already clearly weaned.

I remember when I lived in east London there was a woman who used to sit at the bus stop every week breastfeeding a little boy of easily five or six years old. He was so big his feet touched the ground as he laid across her. I always felt that it was more about what she herself was getting from the arrangement than because the child was desperate for nourishment.

People who are repulsed by breastfeeding in public as they see it as a sexual thing to be done in private really need to change their perverted way of thinking. None of them would be repulsed by a mother giving a child a cup of milk in public.

The cuddly toy is a good example to be fair.

Initially, my line of thoughts were ''If my 2 year old was whining because they were hungry, I'd tell them they have to wait for a snack until we got out of the shop'' but if my 2 year old wanted his cuddly toy....I'd just give it to him.

Maybe I've changed my mind. 🤔

You’re talking about a toddler as if they’re supposed to have the emotional regulation of an older child. Toddlers don’t “self soothe” in the way you’re describing, they learn to calm down through a caregiver, not by being pushed to cope alone.

And dragging in nursery, working mums, and dental issues doesn’t suddenly make withholding comfort good for development. If you want to talk about brushing teeth after night feeds, fine, but that has nothing to do with whether you respond to a distressed toddler.

You’re treating normal dependence as a problem and normal comfort as spoiling. That’s not child focused, it’s just adult convenience framed as parenting advice.

So are you telling me that if your 2yo had a favourite cuddly toy, and that toy brought them massive comfort and sense of security and made them feel safe etc. And you were out in a shop and your 2yo got upset because they felt a bit sick or sore or ready for their nap or whatever (they can't really quite telll you yet) you'd say - no sorry darling your cuddly toy is only for bedtime, even though you had it in your handbag and could give it to them because you were worried about what other people would think? Even though there's no reason why you couldn't give them the cuddly toy?

For me the only difference in all of this is the sexualisation of women's breasts as opposed to focusing on their purpose as a source of nutrition and comfort for small children and babies.

"we sometimes over attribute benefits far too much to BF older children that is really not evidenced"

There is SO much evidence on the health and cognitive benefits for mother and baby. I'm not sure why you keep saying its not really evidenced when there is a lot of evidence and that's why the WHO and PHA promote 2 as the minimum age for breastfeeding weaning. That's based on research and evidence.

"there is far more to successful parenting than automatic BF whenever your child is distressed." Of course there is, but why should a parent have to offer an alternative when bf is an easy and convenient option?

Ever heard the saying that you can't do your best parenting when you're worrying about what others will think?

I'm surprised there are people with such weird, prudish hang ups about breastfeeding and potentially seeing part of a breast 😱😱😱 Have they thought of not staring at the woman's breast? I guess they are worried about being turned on by it, but that's not the mother's fault they have a fetish about seeing a mother feeding a child and are embarrassed by that. Most people aren't sick like that.
The Victorians were supposed to he prudish but they wouldn't have been bothered by a breastfeeding mother.

I'm really sorry that you have inappropriate sexual feelings about toddlers feeding from their mother's breasts. Please don't project them onto other mothers.

The toilet apparently. 🙄🙄

Again, the idea that it is traumatising for a 2 year old not to be BF on demand and that their parent could develop some other skills for managing their distress, is somewhat laughable! BF is incredibly important , nobody should be telling anyone else not to BF and hopefully more and more women will be successful in doing so ….but we sometimes over attribute benefits far too much to BF older children that is really not evidenced …..and there is far more to successful parenting than automatic BF whenever your child is distressed.

You’re being obtuse. They are referring to soothing a child rather than letting it “self soothe” wtf that means (clue - nothing - kids will shut down if nobody responds to their distress. They are not soothed).

There is however evidence that breastfeeding is related to attachment (in respect that this has been established by the act of breastfeeding between child and mother - there are of course other ways to build attachment that don't involve breastfeeding but it does become an important part of the parent child relationship where breastfeeding is happening consistently) and we also have lots of evidence that secure attachment does help with cognitive development. So that link exists in research.

We know that babies and toddlers don't have the same ability as older kids or adults to 'self soothe' which is why we are now encouraged to avoid the cry it out method for sleep training for example. It is good for children to have their basic needs met, to feel close and attached to their care provider and for children who breastfeed- breastfeeding will be a part of that dynamic. There are also lots of other benefits to breastfeeding related to immune system, gut health etc which are really important for the child. On a population level we know that formula is brilliant for children as an alternative to breastfeeding and affording women the right to choose what's best for them and their child is a hill ill die on any day, but there are some benefits to breastfeeding that formula doesn't replicate. Is it going to affect your child's career goals or old age health etc - no there's way too many variables. But if someone decides to nurse for longer I see no issue with that.

There's also children who are adjusting to a new baby in the family and suddenly having to 'share' mummy and 'share' milk who might need to be nursed more to support them with that adjustment. SEN children often have a much harder time adjusting to weaning. And tbh breastfeeding is super handy. I remember mine being almost 2 before we started weaning and taking an awful stomach bug and I couldn't get him to eat or drink anything, but he would nurse like a newborn which I was so relieved about because otherwise he'd probably have been in hospital with dehydration because they're more vulnerable to that at that age. There are so many, valid reasons why someone might breastfeed for longer and why a child might want to nurse during the day.

I'd expect an adult to be able to summon empathy and maturity about it much more than I'd expect a small child to be able to self regulate until bedtime. Especially since at that age many kids don't have the language to adequately express their needs or feelings.

Anyway, enough of cats, poos and fetishes, I want to hear more about the mother and baby homes theory, but I've forgotten the poster's name!

How can breastfeeding a toddler be linked to mother and baby homes? I'm genuinely curious now!

BF a fetish? You should be ashamed.

Apparently the suggestion is that we should just keep traumatising every generation of children and never ever change this and never actually nurture them properly.

If a restaurant isn't an appropriate place to eat then where tf is??????

I have to say that I think this thread is absolutely saturated with misogyny. Who needs the patriarchy to put women down, when some women on here do such a thorough job of it on their own? Contempt for other mothers' choices; disdain for the needs of small children; equating nursing mothers with animals; support for the contempt and shaming directed at a mother trying to feed her child despite her legal entitlement to do so: - it's all here.

And the judginess - from the OP and from others. Who cares even if this woman was an attention seeker? Not saying she was but believe it or not the law is there to protect all of us, even people who aren't particularly nice. And I write as someone who was never able to BF though I would have loved to. I am so glad the law was on the side of this mother and you would think that posters on MN of all places would fiercely defend the right of other mothers to breastfeed as they see fit.

@BusyExpert so you're saying that the World Health Organisation and Public Health Agency are now promoting child sexual abuse by promoting mothers breastfeed until at least two years of age? Is that correct? Because that is the medical guidance informed by research into the health and cognitive benefits for child and mother related to breastfeeding.

I have just looked out f interest at current WHO guidelines, which say "up to 2 and beyond." No mention of fetish.

So think I'll be guided by WHO as opposed to @BusyExpert - despite the very reassuring username!

Define ‘successfully’. Only then will I be able to ascertain what the cutoff age is that you have arbitrarily decided is appropriate. The age beyond which it becomes a fetish. Fucking hell😬

I’m not quite sure what that’s relevant to here? I would argue with your thought process that BF on demand at age 2 is what leads them to develop into “healthy, well adjusted adults” . I think that would be rather insulting premise to anyone who has been unable to BF or has chosen not to BF and there isn’t really the evidence to back up that up.