To make DD buy her own lunches?

I actually don’t think compromise here. You’re already giving her plenty for lunch! £5 per day is a lot and options from home.
I say don’t compromise because it’s better her realising now it’s ’just x per day’ and thinking it’s nothing. The transition to uni student or real working adult is going to be a lot harder without her understanding now that it’s not always viable to spend that kind of cash on lunch and it’s a luxury x

£25 is loads! Meal deals are less than £5. If she wants to spend more than that she absolutely needs to pay for it herself.

I don’t think you should withdraw her lunch money just because she now has a job. This feels like a punishment to me and I think she could resent it.

I personally would be worried that she’s doing TOO many hours… assuming she’s on minimum wage, that’s 16 hours per week!

I pay for my 6th formers bus pass and she can put whatever she wants on the grocery list for packed lunches. If she wants extra treats when she leaves campus at lunchtime and goes to the local shop, she funds that from her own babysitting money.

Also, it might be a good idea to sit down with her and go through the monthly budget one day, spelling out every expense you incur from council tax to fuel through to subscriptions. That would help her gain perspective of her earnings, and the difference between responsible spending and disposable income.

I would try to get her to open a savings account with the intention of saving 400 per month and having 100 to spend. I would still pay the train pass and the 25 lunch money because I would not want her to feel penalised for the job and I would want her to build savings.

I think YANBU, and it’s extremely important she learns the value of money, even £5/day. But don’t envy or compare your take home to hers (that’s not fair to her), instead do guide her on saving and financial literacy. I wish my mother had done this rather than constantly complain when me and my siblings started working alongside school, telling us we had to start earning our way/paying her back (for parenting?!).

Also, do make sure the food you are providing for packed lunches is healthy and worthwhile. My mother only ever provided us rock hard cheap muesli bars and cheap bread that became soggy & squashed by the time you buttered it (let alone surviving until lunch). And unripe fruit. Occasionally a cheap rice crispee or similar. This was meant to get us through from 6:30am until 7pm. Then she complained that we wouldn’t eat enough. We were always so hungry as kids, and it did affect stamina at school. She packed herself a much nicer lunch with flatbreads, dips, vine leaves, chocolate, etc, and meals out.

I guess my point is make sure you’re actually teaching the lesson you intend to teach, rather than another one.

It's all part of growing up isn't it? You do need to teach her that buying ready-to-eat food isn't a good choice (financial, health and environmental).

Tell her that packed lunches are much better all round, and eating out or buying a meal deal is a once a week treat that needs to be budgeted for - you could reduce her £25 to £10 for example, and she comes with you to the supermarket each week to choose packed lunch ingredients, and makes time each evening to make them herself.

And then of course with her own money now she's earning, she can grab a 5 Guys or a takeaway curry any time she likes!

I would offer the £25 as long as she puts at least £25 a week in a savings account, one that isn't instant access.

Also agree with this.

Nope not unreasonable at all. This is how you teach them. Otherwise they fly the nest, never having had to budget because they've always had the safety net of you buying the essentials and they crash and burn because they just don't know how.

Wow, im genuinely surprised that people are suggesting she get any money at all when you've indicated she can just make lunch at home (using stuff i assume you would say for) and take it in!
I do take people's point about her feeling penalised for getting a job though, but I also think you are being a bloody good parent by identifying she needs help learning how to budget, so in your shoes id maybe sit her down and say look i cant keep affording this, im going to cut it down to £5 a week so you can buy lunch on Fridays and provide packed lunches stuff.

If I can’t afford lunch I make packed and I learnt that from an early age. You’re doing a lot to help her out here and you’re meeting her more than half way.

Completely with you on this. Eating lunch out like that every day is different. I have the same age group daughter and she has a similar earnings level (bit less). I pay her bus pass and then get lunch food in that she can prep and take to school, but if she’s going to ‘upgrade’ because she wants to go to the shop or similar or if she’s been too late/forgotten/couldn’t be bothered to make her lunch then she buys her own. Occasionally if I’ve not got round to sorting the food shop and not a lot in, then I would give her some cash for lunch because that’s different but not if it’s her choice.

We give our DS a fiver a day for college lunches - it’s masses. You can get a meal deal at any high street shop (Boots, Tesco's etc) for much less and the college refectory/cafe is massively subsidised and very cheap, so she should even be able to get a hot meal if she fancied it. Even when giving DS that much we now it is more than we’d likely spend on a meal ourselves. YANBU to expect her to sort herself out.

My kids pack their own lunches and have since they were 7. They get pocket money so can spend that if they want a treat but so far my daughter would rather buy makeup with it. My husband and I bring packed lunches to work so no reason they can’t do the same.

id decide a budget that works for you and she can do what she likes with her own money. Personally it would be less than what you’re doing now but appreciate it can be hard to go backwards.

I think it would be mean not to pay for her lunches. We gave our two enough to get a meal deal lunch, if they made their own lunch they got to keep the cash, if they wanted something nicer then they topped up out of their own money. I think this was a good enough lesson about budgeting (they both manage their money well now, though it was a bit of a learning curve for the youngest and most profligate!)

I feel there's also a danger she will feel punished for earning her own money if you withdraw your support.

Definitely not mean. When I was at 6th form I took a packed lunch from home, but if I wanted to buy my lunch out I had to pay for it myself with money from my Saturday job.

As long as you are buying things in your weekly shop for packed lunches, YANBU.

Mine could grab a juice, breakfast bar, piece of fruit and a snack from.our kitchen even if they were running late to make a sandwich until they got in the habit of making their lunches the night before.

It's learning to budget and appreciating the value of money. It will definitely help for university life.

That’s true. We did a stage as a family of doing interesting ramens in thermoses. Hot lunch and healthier than canteen food.

So maybe OP there’s a third way

I think until she’s 18 you should pay for lunches.

it’s tricky as I see your point - you do provide food at home and she can do a packed lunch. But if everyone else eats at college it can be isolating to have packed lunch.

I think stick with the £25 or even reduce to £20 and she can top up to get any extras she wants. She’ll be 18 soon enough x

We did a bit of a financial inventory recently and as a family we were spending a small fortune on meal deals or similar! We came up with a list of packed lunch things that are more inspiring than a sandwich and a packet of crisps which I have added to the supermarket shop. I will do the lunch (younger DC) some/most days. It has definitely saved money! If they want something else then they use their own money. YANBU.

Until the child benefit stops once school is finished then I will continue to pay lunches etc but if she can't do it on £5 a day she needs to make something at home or get a cheaper meal deal as our teens only take £5 a day

I continued giving my DD her full allowance after she got a job because I didn’t think there should be any negative consequence for getting the job and working which I think is a really good thing. I also wanted to acknowledge that she needs to balance study with the job and she can’t work as much as she would do if she wasn’t studying. I didn’t want her to take too many extra shifts at the expense of her homework. It did feel a bit shit at times that she had more disposable income than me but on the whole I feel happy that she is enjoying her young life, going out with friends etc

Honestly I think it would be a bit unfair. If you'd always not given any money or less, that would be fine, but she's going to feel like she's being penalised for making the effort to get a job, whereas it should be a reward!

Do you give her anything else other than the £25? Mobile phone contract, clothes etc? If not then I really don't think you should stop it. Like a pp said I had £25 a week pocket money twenty years ago - I know that's not really relevant as all families can afford different amounts but I remember because that was still less than the EMA (£30) the students who were considered to be disadvantaged got from the government so was clearly seen as a relevant benchmark, and obviously many things were a lot cheaper back then!