To make DD buy her own lunches?

Many moons ago, my step daughter came to live with us

Now where she lived previously was very cheap , hairdressers a fiver for a cut etc ( where as I was paying £35 )

And of course as a teen she wanted and wanted

So I gave her the family allowance and said that's yours. She had a bus pass, could take what she wanted for lunches. We bought her essential clothes shoes etc, and she had use of the family toiletries, Anything extra she had to budget for out of her allowance and whatever else she earned for doing extra around the house - 1999 - £68 a month FA and a possible £20 a week extra

She soon learned that named brands weren't worth it in most cases, and learned that a pack up from home made her money go further

She's 40 now and a mother of 3, and she too can stretch a pound

I think that if you having the makings of lunches at home - foods that she does like - then let her make lunch or fund it herself . She does the same with the eldest who's out earning on an apprenticeship- make lunch or pay for it yourself

I wasn’t that bought a fresh sandwich, a chocolate bar and can of coke

What I did with ds1 when he got a job was put £15 onto his dinner account and he could then choose whether to take food from home when that ran out, or pay for it himself. He generally paid himself because he didn't want to take food from home.

100% with this. She needs to learn it now. And it’s almost counter productive that she’s getting paid more than minimum wage. I think sometimes that helps to solidify the ‘how much?! That’s an hours worth of work!’ thing that’s really helpful at their head thinking this £ = this of my time and it starts to have more value.

This is exactly my thinking. DD is very entitled and is very much ‘it’s only £X’ when it is my money.

For that reason we have explained DS from an early age (he is 10) that money doesn't grow on trees. If you always buy them everything, and shower them with gifts, they grow up very entitled.
I would still give her £3 daily for lunch and pay her bus pass. It should be sufficient for a sandwich.

I wish I'd learned the life lesson that taking a packed lunch saves a fortune when I was 18. I could have paid off my mortgage several years earlier...

At our local collegf, young people on a bursary get £4 a day for lunch, only on the days they are timetabled.
I think id gives her something that she could top up, or she could take from home, but also I liked the idea of showing her how much she'd have to work to pay for the expensive lunches she is expecting you to pay for..
How many people do uou know has cash to buy a lunch every day? I dont know many!

This made me very sad to read, I'm sorry your mum wasn't adequate x

Came here to say this. I might knock it down to £20 a week , she can top it up or take a lunch one or two days a week. I will be doing this with my college age kid next year.

This is the approach I have taken with my DD who also has a part time job.

Whilst at school/Sixth Form I paid for lunches £25 per week. If your DD gets a job she should not be penalised for it.

I add £20 a month to my DD’s school meal account. She generally gets canteen food on a Friday and a few snacks a week. With a packed lunch / snacks/ drinks from home as standard day to day .

honestly I think £5 every day is really excessive if you are buying plenty of packed lunch foods in the weekly shop that she can prepare and take with her.

I don’t buy a lunch every day as that would be really expensive and isn’t ’real life’ for many people. I pack my own lunch and see buying a lunch / meal deal as an occasional thing.

Could you compromise and give £20 or £30 per month, for the odd drink/snack , and ensure to buy the things she likes in the weekly shop - to encourage her to pack her own lunch / drinks / snacks as standard?

defo still give travel money.

im guessing she will start to see the value of a packed lunch if she has to pay £5 out of her own money every day!

Posters are constantly recommending “if they want that new top/game/shoes they should get a part time job”. Working part time whilst still in school is a tough thing for a 16 year old. Getting a job at that age is to buy the things they want, not to pay for their own lunch. She’s still a child.

This.

I think £5 a day for lunch is fine. I'd continue to just give her that and if she wants more she can pay it herself.

Does she go to college Monday - Friday? I’d find out how much the college meal deals are and give her that each day.
If she wants breakfasts and drinks then she can either eat at home and then take a bottle of water or whatever with her, or that equates as an extra and she can pay for those. I think that’s a fair compromise.

Not at all. My DS is the same age and pays for his food himself. There's the odd day he comes home for lunch when he has a couple of free sessions but the other days he'll grab a meal deal or a greggs. His part time job pays rubbish, usually gets £70 to £100 a week but he manages fine. Ive got another child at high school and school dinners become rather expensive with multiple children.

If she takes a packed lunch once a week then she can spend £10 one day and £5 on the other 3 days.

A fiver a day is only stingy if you’re expecting to go to a fast food shop or coffee shop. My son went for supermarket meal deals, packed lunch or canteen lunches and had enough for some fun or subsidised hot chocolate/coffee at college. He took water from home or drank his meal deal drink.

The point though is not whether it’s reasonable to pay for lunch per se (as opposed to a home packed lunch) but whether it’s reasonable for OP to withdraw that money that was previously freely given, on the basis that the daughter now has a job.

Definitely not mean. It's an important lesson, and sounds like it needs to be learned now tbh.

When dd1 was at sixth form I gave her the choice of making her own packed lunch with food I would gladly provide, or using her own £ to buy lunch. She didn't spend on much else but generally chose to buy a meal deal for her lunches.

Dd2 is now in second year of 6th form. Completely different character, wealthier friends, much more entitled attitude imho. But the same rule applies - make a packed lunch here, or use your own money. I can't afford to buy lunch out every day (and even if I could, I'm working for that money and can choose what to spend it on). Dd2 chooses the packed lunch option because she has a Vinted habit to feed 😁.

Now is the time to get on top of this! We all want to be able to give our kids everything they want, but it doesn't do them any favours and lately I've been thinking I'm actually glad I couldn't, dd2 in particular would be insufferable I think.

Imo, paying for train fares, providing food for lunches/thinking about what they might like = part of the job. Providing hundreds of pounds a month for them to spaff on food = personal choice. But not without risks, esp if she's already inclined to be entitled.

Yeah, she should spend her wages on lunches out/cafes or supermarket supplies to make lunches. If she refuses the bread/sandwich fillings supplied at home to be shared.

I made DS1's lunch for him before he went to uni and will make DS2's lunch until he has finished A Levels. I make my own, so am happy to do theirs at the same time.

I think you have been overly generous to give your DD £5 a day for lunches when there is food at home to take, she just can’t be bothered to take it. There is no way I would do this, nor did my parents.

Can you perhaps give her £5 on a Friday for her lunch and put £20 into a savings account for her… maybe give it to her on her 18th birthday to pay for driving lessons or something?

As long as you’re buying food for the home that she has the ability to take with her I see no issue with saying that if she wants to buy food instead, that’s on her.

You’ve said yourself she doesn’t take food from home because she can’t be bothered, if she now has to pay for this junk food every day herself I can guarantee she’ll think twice about how much she’s spending.

You will be teaching her the value of money, encourage her to stop being lazy and probably bettering her diet.