DH wants to meet up with his ex while abroad with work

I think it’s perfectly acceptable to tell him this makes you feel uncomfortable. Even if you completely trust him, I would be very upset about my DH having a lovely date in Paris with any woman that wasn’t me. Then let him decide where his priorities lie.

I think after two weeks working away he really shouldn't be staying an extra weekend, regardless of who he is meeting!

He should be keen to get back to his wife and child.

Its a tricky one...I totally get how this could feel uncomfortable.

I've ex -partners from years ago who I feel a fondness for...if I hadn't seen them for years and visited their city without catching up I'd feel sad and dismissive of our shared history...and by that i dont mean romantic history but that period of our lives...the shared friends from the past the times and places we'd experienced. They feel like old friends. I have no romantic feelings toward any of them....when one mentioned he was getting married it made me smile for the rest of the day. I'd possibly extend a trip for a day or so to meet up. Do you think you husband might feel this way about his ex?

So much relies on how he feels about his ex now...has he mentioned enough in passing for you to have a gut feeling?

If my DP said he didnt want me meet up with any of the ex's im fond of, I'd feel he'd deprived me of connecting with my past...but I've probably dropped enough in to conversation for him to understand how I view them.

If I proposed meeting someone he sensed I viewed with a romantic nostalgia id understand why he'd feel uncomfortable and id feel uncomfortable if the situation was reversed.

Isn't it great nobody said that :) When you are forced to use strawmen to try to win an argument, you know you have no argument.

It would be a big fat no from me OP

Ooh look, a coolwife apologist in the wild. I genuinely give zero farts in a windstorm what you two get up to, go for it.

He's there for two weeks and is staying for the weekend between the two weeks.

I wouldn't see a problem. Is it not nice that he isn't nasty about her but they realised they weren't compatible and kept being friends.

Unless there is a backstory though.

I still follow more than one of my exes on social media and my husband is fine with it. Does that make him a coolhusband? Or maybe he just understands that I’m my own person and trusts me.

It didn’t sound like he’s extending the trip, just not coming back for the weekend in the middle of the two weeks he’s away.

I’m not a ‘cool’ wife, but I don’t think I’d have a problem with this. I trust my husband completely, but if anyone is going to cheat, that can do it in a pub toilet in Solihull if they really wanted to.

I know my husband wouldn’t have a problem with me doing this.

I'm surprised at all the people saying no. It's a chance to revisit his youth and share some memories. That's it.

It’s good he asked you first rather than doing it behind your back, which he easily could have. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it at all though, especially not for wine in the evening. It may be different for a coffee in the morning.

I'd ask him why he's asked you if it's OK, what answer he's hoping to get from you and what answer he thinks he should give her.

My husband wouldn't even ask me this. He'd politely tell her no.

Well he could have done it anyway and not told you …

So much depends on context. Was she the love of his life who cruelly walked away breaking his heart? Was it a mutual decision to split after their relationship had run its course? Have you seen the messages between them?

If it is as you’ve described. Two people who used to be a couple but are now happy and settled with new partners meeting up for a drink or dinner then there’s nothing to worry about. You can and probably should tell him how you feel but I can see it from both perspectives. And if it would be very hard for you to deal with then he should cancel. I would have suggested the husband goes with them but that would be really weird and boring for everyone involved.

@Erns, your H’s extending his trip to meet up for a date with his former love is a very bad idea. I would be extremely uncomfortable (as would my H) and wouldn’t hesitate to express that.

Such a rendezvous could be a perfect storm for an unexpected flaring up of feelings: build up of excitement, fun and intimate 1:1 drinks in the city of their romance, nostalgic reflection of their younger selves, shared in-jokes and reminiscences, mutual attraction, etc. He will be thinking about her when he gets home.

I’ve seen this exact scenario and the results were tragic for both marriages and families. ‘We didn’t mean for feelings to reignite.’

Their following each other on SM has fueled their continued connection and desire to meet. Even in a group setting it would be tempting to pair off and focus exclusively on each other.

This is a window that needs to stay closed.

It’d be a hard no from me. But following her on insta would have being a hard no too. Its disrespectful imo

Your instinct is that he knows how to behave. I would trust that.
People can meet for a coffee without it leading to trouble.

I would tease him a little about his ‘date’, tell him to have a nice time and that you were looking forward to hearing about it at 10pm.

If you are feeling pangs tell him afterwards, not to make him responsible for your feelings but so you can talk about it.

There are plenty of shitty horribly un-romantic parts of Paris op, and in late November it's gonna be grey, cold and miserable too.

My DP used to visit Paris for work about every 2 months, he even once was there for valentine's day which was great....

Would you be as concerned if they were meeting in Birmingham, or Hull? They could shag in a Travelodge beside the M4 if that was their intention.

As a PP said, it’s not up to you to “allow”another grown up to meet whoever he wants to. Of course you can tell you feel uncomfortable with this and see what he says. I personally would not try to stop this from happening. It’s a good sign he’s told you - he could just meet her in secret too if he was up to no good!

I think banning him from meeting her is controlling. If he wanted to, he could have met her behind your back but has told you. He shared a life with her once, yes they have share some memories. Doesn’t mean they are both going to run off into the sunset.

Well - do you trust him? If yes then there’s no problem. If no, why not? You have bigger issues. I would have no issue with my husband doing this. He’s been open about it and they’re both married.

Oh and don't belive the hype; paris is freezing grey and not romantic right now. I can also suggest the most unsexy bars and restaurants known to men (and women) for them to meet up in if you'd like.

I'm going to weigh in as a French Parisienne woman. I would find it to the contrary strange to not meet up with someone who you shared a bit of life with if you're in their city and haven't seen them for a while. I'm also less wary of exes that I am of other women, they've lived what that had to live together already and they are exes for a reason. later in life we all have pasts. Our pasts also shape us and the people we love. I would also think that the fact that he told you he's going to meet up with her means that it is just "friendly".

But none of what I think matters OP. What matters is how you feel about it. If it makes you uneasy, tell him you don't want him to meet with her because it's making you feel inconfortable. Explain it to him. And if he's a good partner, he'll understand and take your feelings onboard. Do you know why you're feeling uneasy or untrusting?

I hope you find a solution that suits you both.

The woman in question isn't just " a friend" though is she, despite OP's H minimising their connection by terming her as such?
She is someone he had an emotional and physical connection to.
And he obviously still has some emotional connection to her otherwise he wouldn't be following her on Instagram and wanting to meet up with her.