DH wants to meet up with his ex while abroad with work

If he wanted to cheat with her he’d do it without asking but I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to say you’re uncomfortable with it.

Also, since when does following someone on Instagram indicate an emotional connection? That’s so bizarre. I never unfollow anyone unless they start posting things that I find offensive. I’m married but still follow both of my exes. One I have absolutely no connection with at all, and the other I’m still friends with.

If they were the kinds of people who were willing to cheat and wanted to do so this weekend, why would it matter what they ate or drank beforehand?

Maybe she means that he’s staying for the weekend in between the two weeks of work, rather than coming home and then returning to Paris. If he’s staying the weekend after the two weeks are up, I would find that odd and unsettling.

I agree it would be unacceptable if it were a date, but the OP hasn’t said anything about her husband suggesting it is, unless you mean date in a non-romantic sense, e.g. coffee date with a friend?

I’d be okay with this if it was a lunch or coffee, less so a dinner date.

I don't understand why he doesn't want to get home asap in order to see you and the DC

You either trust him or you don’t.

@Erns I think this just comes down to your marriage and boundaries. Some people do have quite hardline agreements around connections with exes, others don’t. I wouldn’t feel comfortable in a relationship where a partner tried to say I shouldn’t see an ex without very good reason. It might also depend on the ex - someone that’s been demonstrably unpleasant probably isn’t someone worth meeting up with, but if someone is generally on good terms with an ex, I see no issue with it. It sounds like you don’t have an explicit arrangement either way in your marriage. It’s nice that your husband has asked you, even though he doesn’t need ‘permission’ as such. Is this something you dislike in principle or is it the particular ex who worries you?

If he was planning something illicit he would have kept it secret. Personally I’d have no problem with this - not least because maybe I would meet up with an ex in these circumstances safe in the knowledge that there is no chance I would suddenly feel an overwhelming desire to cheat on the father of my children. And in those circumstances if my partner told me he “would not allow it” I’d be pretty pissed off.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable talk to him about it. But you either trust him or you don’t.

If he was planning something illicit he would have kept it secret. Personally I’d have no problem with this - not least because maybe I would meet up with an ex in these circumstances safe in the knowledge that there is no chance I would suddenly feel an overwhelming desire to cheat on the father of my children. And in those circumstances if my partner told me he “would not allow it” I’d be pretty pissed off.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable talk to him about it. But you either trust him or you don’t.

Just no

Just no

"Allow"? Do you own him? Do you decide who he can see?

That's not how marriage works. You either trust him or you don't.

I’d be annoyed that’s he’s been away a fortnight and now wants to extend that over the weekend. Not exactly rushing back to see you is he?! And to see an old flame? Hmm, no I wouldn’t like that. Why couldn’t he have seen her during the week if it’s that important? I agree context is vital here, why did they split? Was she the ‘one that got away’, etc.

💯

Else what is the point of going to nice places with work. You are a long time dead.

Plus the fact work trips are often knackering and I always need a buffer between them and having loads of home stuff thrown at me.

I really don’t consider myself a “cool wife” (eg I wouldn’t even have married anyone who would consider going to a strip bar) but I honestly don’t get the hang up about exes. Maybe I’m unusual but I have exes from 20 years ago as social media / Xmas card friends and would meet up without a second thought if we were ever in the same city (hasn’t happened for a decade). They’re exes for a reason. I cannot in a million years imagine cheating with them, you know all their bad points!

That poster was very, very angry on the smoking thread as well last night.

It's pretty normal to want to catch up with an ex after many years, if you happen to be in their city.

Given that she is also married with kids, I'm not really seeing why it would trouble you too much.

If my partner tried to stop me doing this I world be annoyed and think they were bonkers and paranoid, which is not attractive.

At this time of year Paris is cold and wet and the restaurants crowded so it's not going to be all that wonderful.

That really is a very odd post.

He’s being unreasonable, really, but there’s not much you can do about it.

You’re not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable. I certainly would, and I’d say so. What he does about that is up to him, though.

I’d hope he could reassure you, either by not going, or explaining his reasons for going in a way that made you feel better about it.

But it’s a bit of a failure of imagination on his part not to realise it could make you feel a bit weird. Bloody men.

I'd feel suffocated if my partner "expected" this of me.

Every time I've travelled for work I've extended the stay by a few days. Work are perfectly happy to pay for a flight on a different day and I get a bonus few days to myself in an overseas location.

it would just be the two of them, sharing wine in one of the worlds most romantic cities

I think these details have blown it up into something more romantic than it actually is.

I have drunk wine in Paris with a few men. It was romantic on one of those occasions (with DP). It was not romantic on the other occasions (all friends, though one was an ex-fling - not a real relationship).

Drinking in wine and being in Paris are not inherently romantic activities. The romance is something that comes with who we're with. Would you feel as uncomfortable if his ex was from Birmingham and he was catching up with her in a pub?

As for keeping in touch with your exes and catching up with them if you're in the same place - perfectly normal if it didn't end acrimoniously or with unrequited feelings. Exes are the people you have the least to worry about - if they wanted to be together they've had all the opportunity in the world to be. They know they don't work together and they don't want to be together.

Haha! ‘You and your husband trust each other to hang out with people of the opposite sex without cheating and I’m going to attempt to mock you for that!’ 🤣

I'd be fine with it.

To add, the fact that he’s asked you about it means he knows there’s a reason he needs to ask, and therefore he shouldn’t even ask or consider it
How often do we read here that posters are upset that their OH have lied about something and that they would gave been fine with the situation if they had told them about it.

In this instance, he is not trying to hide it or lie about it. He is being honest about it and you should be too, not trying to guilt him into deciding not to meet her as it could create resentment and he'll do it anyway and just lie about it, but for him to understand that it makes you feel uncomfortable. In that case, what he should do is call you before and after and tell you about it as he would any meetings he had with a long time friend you'd gave no reason to be worried about.