To feel repulsed by sons girlfriend smoking

I don't find smoking cultural at all.
I choose not to spend time near a cigarette.
You can still be smoke free in your own home.

One drink per day would not worry me though I am not a drinker. Alcohol dependence is the cause of much family violence but this woman doesn't seem violent.

Ultimately your DS is the one who chooses his own partner and you have to accept her if you wish to stay as a loving family.

I’m also with you on this OP. I personally find smoking in this day and age to be a disgusting habit honestly and the needing to have a ‘glass of something’ before bed is concerning as well. Sounds a bit much for a 25 year old and I’m saying that as a 30 year old woman myself.

I think you have every right to make your observations about her because this is not just some random, this is your son’s GF and could potentially be your future daughter in law. It is reasonable as a mother to have certain standards that you might like your children’s future spouses to meet and I don’t think wanting them to be a non-smoker is an offensive standard to be fair. Keep an open mind about her though and get to know her more.

I used to know someone, who put me and my dog up for a couple of weeks once. She coughed when the dog was anywhere near her and ordered me to hoover anywhere he’d been every day because she apparently was allergic. Then a few years later she got her own rough coated dog (which shed its coat so definitely not ‘hypoallergenic’) and was absolutely fine. She definitely wasn’t the house proud type and the dog was allowed everywhere, bed, sofa etc. She was a complete drama queen about that and other stuff. Please don’t be like this op. You’ll push your ds away.

As others have said it’s much more common to smoke abroad. According to this 2022 report, 35% of French adults smoke compared to 19% of Brits. https://news.sky.com/story/how-many-people-smoke-these-days-and-do-britons-smoke-more-than-the-french-12630662

Your son is 29 years old. Back off. If he has health anxiety he can take care of it himself. I have a feeling no woman will ever be good enough you.

I’m with you on this one.

Smoking is utterly disgusting and she’s a terrible host for smoking in her home while she has guests.

I grew up with both parents smoking.

My parents smoked in the lounge room and the dining room. They smoked at the dining room table while we ate dinner and they smoked in the car.

I actually thought our lounge room walls were a mustard yellow and a shade of brown in our dining room. It turns out that walls were cream - almost white. The nicotine was so thick on the walls.

I lost my mother to lung cancer and my father has had surgery to remove part of his lungs.

I am physically repulsed by smoking. I’ve ended relationships when I’ve found out they have been smoking. I feel physically sick when I have to breathe it in while I’m out in public.

I worry about my own health and being there for my own child because I was exposed to my parent’s cigarette smoke for 20 years.

I would never visit her house again.

You sound insufferable.

Also I bet “stilted” conversion means that she just didn’t engage much in British performative and flowery small talk 🤣 which is a running joke among non Brits. French are very no nonsense

You are writing as if you never seen a smoking woman before.

you have no idea why or how it can be considered sexy?? Really? 50 years + of beautiful smoking women cinema and print have not clued you up on that?

you just didn’t like her, because she’s your son’s GF, or because she’s not English, or both. Just be honest with yourself

Jesus. You couldn't be more judgemental if you tried.
I love the smell of cigarettes. I've never smoked, but both my parents used to. They're doctors. That's continental Europe for you 😁.
I have to say, cultural differences are a huge gulf.

Maybe put your time to better use and learn another language.

Holy crap, are you still burbling your rage endlessly? It would be great if you left now since you are just obviously trying to start arguments.

I find smoking utterly and totally repulsive. I mean that sincerely. Being around a smoker is totally vile. So maybe OP just feels the same way I do.

There is absolutely nothing I can do about this feeling, I have found smoking vile and disgusting since childhood. This is not, in any way, hyperbole.

However, now that we are no longer subjected to it in pubs, shops, even hospitals and aeroplanes (it was everywhere in the 80s) I just stay away from smokers altogether. I cannot tolerate being around them, at all, but I would never bring it up in real life, as it is their choice and I can easily stay away from them.

There's nothing at all wrong with what the OP feels, they are her feelings. Her problem is she needs to keep those feelings to herself and needs to stay away from the girlfriend's flat and stick to neutral areas since most are smoke fre.

Holy crap what are you talking about? I'm not trying to police your comments at all. I'm going to leave now as you're quite obviously trying to start arguments where there don't need to be any

It's OK to not like smoking. I don't smoke and hate the smell. But repulsive is a strong emotional word though. I honestly wouldn't give it that much energy. I think being this invested in it will not end well. It's not really any of your business at this point. Your son is an adult. If its fine by him then you need to just accept it. Otherwise you risk pushing him away or alienating her and causing him misery in the process. Over something that's really quite trivial.

Couldn't care less? 😅 Yes, that's why you're endlessly burbling nonsense and trying to police my comments 😂

Who cares if you find it ‘repulsive’ that she has a couple of cigarettes of an evening? You’re not the one fucking her.

The only reasonable thing in your whole post is when you say ‘obviously it’s none of my business’.

I can’t believe you took your son aside to complain that his girlfriend isn’t healthy enough for you because she has one drink before bed. No wonder he’s got health anxiety if that’s how you carry on.

Enraged? I couldn't care less. Wow😂

Nope, don't be daft. she just has to not tell him how she feels and try to stay away from the girlfriend's house, easy peasy. Sorted.

You are indeed being ridiculous, imagine pretending you understand for even a fraction of a millisecond how other people feel 🙄 Imagine trying to police a stranger's comments and feelings 🙄

No need to be so enraged that some people find smokers grim, gross and utterly disgusting - as I do.

I mean this gently, but I think you need to work on your anxiety and think about the impact that's having on DS. Try to start modelling being relaxed about things, even at this age it could help as it shows him that anxiety/habits of overthinking is something that can be broken down and changed.

No. It's just the dramatic grim and gross is ridiculous. Don't like smoking, yes fine, but to be so angry about smokers🙄

😅😆😁Are you incapable of understanding that people have opinions that disagree with your own?

😂😂😂 are you related to OP?

Yuck, smokers are so grim and gross. They always stink too - always. And as for sitting in a room with a nicotine addict - not a chance. Vomit.

Hated it back in the 80s when it was common, loathe it now. Never had anything to do with it being unhealthy, it's just such an ugly, anti social habit.

It's totally imcomparable to any other habit like eating junk or having a drink of course, as those don't stink up the actual air you breathe, linger in your hair, clothes etc and make you stink like a dirty ashtray. It's your air, health and comfort that's being sullied by the grotty smoker, whereas when they drink or eat something you are unaffected. For me it is the stench and reek and smoke itself that is absolutely unacceptable, not the health issues, either way it is the air you have to breathe that is affected.

Being forced to watch a smoker in action is, and always has been, about as sexy as watching someone eat diarrhoea on a sandwich.

Nothing wrong with your feelings. At all.

But there's not much you can do about it I'm afraid, I'd just try and stick to neutral places since most of them are smoke free, thank God, and wait it out.

It’s cultural. Educate yourself. It’s their equivalent of a bottle of beer and a packet of crisps or a couple of biscuits of an evening in front of the TV. Would you judge her for doing that?