To feel repulsed by sons girlfriend smoking

But you’re here too. You can’t be posting on Scumsnet, and simultaneously think that I post here, therefore I am a scumsetter, and you post here and somehow aren’t.

I have no problem being a Mumsnetter - I feel no rage, only bemusement, that you would think some randomer on the internet cares what you think!

The people reading this are laughing at you. I have no idea who you are, but if I had to guess I would say your an abuser who has been dumped because your ex got solace and support here. You certainly read like my abusive ex, he used call it Scumsnet too.

You, sir, are a Scumsnetter!
Welcome to the club.

Eh? I don’t feel triggered or targeted bc I very rarely feel those things. Anyway, why would I when I was simply expressing a view that you are being impolite bc there have been lots of genuine answers on here?

Yeah, it's just the usual scumsnet pile on, unfortunately

That’s a bit rude. Loads of us have given constructive answers.

Some have agreed with op.

But just bc the majority of posters have read the op and reached the conclusion that the op is on balance being too judgemental, doesn’t necessarily equate to a pile on, it can also be objective genuine opinion based on the information provided.

And op did ask on AIBU!

Yeah, it's just the usual scumsnet pile on, unfortunately.

OP is entitled to her perfectly normal, non controversial views. The only thing I would say is she shouldn't talk to her son about it, it will only get him defensive, and it is his choice to make, after all.

She does need to avoid visiting the smoker's home and just stay in neutral places which are nearly all smoke free anyway. It's unlikely they'll end up together long term, and if so that's a problem for another day.

Yep, her rage, and yours - the irony 😂

The pearl clutching is off the scale on this thread 🤣

So many grown adults who are interpreting some third hand words as GOSPEL instead of actually applying some common sense. OP says her son JOKED that his girlfriend can't go to bed without a drink. She just likes a drink in the evening, that's all. There's absolutely not a shred of evidence that points to anything else.

As for the health anxiety. Good grief. She is an adult smoking a couple of cigs in her own flat. If he is worried about his health, he doesn't have to be there. And OP most certainly doesn't have to be there. It's very doubtful the girlfriend would ever have her over the threshold if she knew how unkind and judgemental she actually was. Nobody is saying that smoking isn't harmful, they're pointing out that citing "health anxiety" over a completely unrelated person's smoking habits is ridiculous.

This has reminded me of my MIL’s cat’s bum face when I ordered a glass of wine at lunch once in the early years of my relationship with now DH. It’s very rare for me to drink at all these days but I always make sure to do it when she’s around now to wind her up 😃

I would suggest if you don't want to push them even closer together you remain non committal with the odd nod of, yes she's lovely.

And your comment was unnecessarily nasty.

I was giving context to how I am physically ill when I am around smokers or in an environment that they regularly smoke in.

Would that be France which has one of the highest suicide rates in Europe (well above the UK) and a happiness level below the UK and towards the bottom of the table? Mind you if their go to enjoyment is slugging an alcoholic drink each night and smoking some chemicals it’s not surprising

Yep my mum always told everyone that smoking wasn’t that bad - she’s had copd and heart failure for a few years now in quite a bit of pain dying from lung cancer. Apparently still nothing to do with smoking!!! Still insisting her children and grandkids should sit in a smoke filled room. The delusion of addiction knows no bounds.

Oh, calm down OP. It's just NOT a big deal. If your son was in an abusive relationship then yes, be worried or 'repulsed'. But his girlfriend enjoys a couple of fags and drinks? Come on! He's 29.

Have you ever heard of the 'French paradox'? Essentially rates of heart disease and cancer are often lower in some European countries, despite the higher rates of smoking and alcohol consumption. Possibly because they do things in moderation, eat more healthily, and know how to enjoy life!

I am laughing myself silly about the idea that health worries relating to smoking is made up.

I also think there is a huge red flag about anyone who can't settle for the night without an alcoholic drink, every night.

The amount of stick this worried mother has got for being judgemental is insane!

I wonder too….

I would not go to the house again. I do not date women who smoke as the taste is disgusting to me , but its self choice

Oh and you are right, it is none of your business.

First post says it all OP. You don’t like her, you don’t like her lifestyle and frankly, why are you bringing up your sons HA into the mix? That’s for him to sort out, surely??

The context clues are there that you are an overbearing mother. If my MIL had insinuated while I was dating DH that I was an alcoholic because I liked a glass of wine in the evenings, she'd have got short shrift and been put in her place. The fact that you feel comfortable to say something so judgemental and manipulative to your son, and that he doesn't have the bollocks to tell you to bugger off and mind your own business is a huge red flag.

You should show his fucking diva of a girlfriend this thread and let her decide for herself whether she has the inclination to be part of a family like yours.

I want to be her friend as well!!!

She’s 25. Normal behaviour for many 25 year olds. If she was pregnant it would be concerned but she just sounds young and living her life how she wants to. If they are not compatible long term they will work this out themselves!