I know this is long so please bare with me and I apologise but there is so much i needed to add in.
My husband and I have been married 4yrs. Our 3yr old has autism, GDD, is non-verbal and still in nappies.
I had worked in a very well paid self employed job (i did nails / body waxing) for over a decade and worked right up until 3 days before my due date. I haven't gone back due to needing to looking our little boy. He is a beautiful, happy boy but incredibly and relentlessly difficult to look after day to day. No two days are the same.
Lately, my husband has been very difficult with me. He won't cook, does bare minimum cleaning, will think nothing of thrashing the kitchen after i've cleaned it and gone to bed and leave it for me to clean as i get up with our ds every morning (h can wake up at 2am some days and be awake hours and hours before he naps) he will bang and crash about if i ask him to clean up what he's left all whilst talking under his breath. I do all the cleaning, cooking, washing, child care. etc.
Had a very bad few days when our ds had a cold, he sleeps with me so if he wakes in the night, i deal with him. I also do all bathtimes, every wake up & every get up. I haven't cooked anything yesterday hoping he would knowing I've had a really rough few days with him (all the
Ingredients were in the fridge/ freezer) and when i'd come down from bathing him & getting him to sleep he asked me what i was making for tea i said whatever you want to make. He sighed & made himself sandwiches. I went to bed having nothing. I was too tired.
Well today he woke up and instantly went into in a mood bc i reminded him i needed to borrow the car to nip to Tesco & i'd have it back in 2hrs and he could use it for the rest of the day. I asked if he could possibly wash up about 3 things whilst me and ds were out at the supermarket. He said no i said why not he went off on a tirade of because he works (secuirty / door supervisor) and bc i don't work i need to do 100% of everything house related including gfood shopping, all appointments for ds & preparing his food for work as all the other wives / gfs of his work mates do that. I said ok (i do it anyway apart from his work food) i will but then he will have to be 100% responsible for all bills / money related things.
I won't be using my savings for things i usually get or pay for myself (clothes, food / coffee when I'm out toiletries etc). I get DLA for our youngest and it goes into a bank account i opened so I know it goes on him & his needs (he only eats certain food, wears certain materials, needs special sensory toys etc. It really does add up) He didn't like that idea AT all. He said the DLA i get should cover it all for me and ds and apart from bills I will get "f* all and like it". He has been like this with me since our youngest was around 2. For my birthday last week all I wanted was a pair of pjs i'd seen in primark & a bathbomb from Lush (also a lay in but I knew that will NEVER happen) I got pjs from Next and a takeaway. I was grateful but a little let down as i didn't ask for much and he said "you got what you got & that's that" I said ok then.
I can't type any more of that he's said and done as this is already far too long. I am thinking of leaving after Christmas and moving from where we live (south london) back to Essex where I am originally from. Being single would be so much more easy. He would 100% let me go no arguments about outr ds or divorce. It would be just like i am now but without him to deal with. Sex life is none existent. Not bc he doesn't ask, he does i just can't bring myself to do it as he isn't the man I fell in love with any more. He spends alot of time watching porn & probably talking to other women but i really don't care any more.
I lost all my friends when I had my ds as I can't leave him to do my old activities and they've all filtered away and I cut contact with my family when I was 18 (10yrs ago now). I have nobody to talk to about it.