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AIBU?

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Original poster

Utter sh!t in the bedroom!! Help

120 replies

Sprinklecake97 · 19/11/2025 21:14

I’m honestly at my wits’ end. My partner is so selfish in bed and I’m getting completely turned off him. He makes no effort with foreplay at all — his idea of it is sticking a finger in me for a minute or two in the wrong place, and it literally feels like he’s digging around. Then he thinks that’s enough and we’re good to go. I’ve expressed this to him several times, to the point where I’ve got quite savage and said “it just feels shit” or “you don’t even bother to turn me on and you still expect sex,” but nothing changes. The other night I snapped and asked if he actually gets off on having sex with me dry and he just laughed. He’s in his 30s and should know better. I’m starting to avoid him because he thinks he’s getting sex every night even though it’s completely awful. I end up thinking about my ex just to get through it because otherwise I’m lying there waiting for it to be over. It honestly feels like he’s trying to have sex with sandpaper at this point, and he genuinely believes he’s good in bed when it’s absolutely terrible. I don’t know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 20/11/2025 02:04

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 19/11/2025 21:35

Going a bit against the grain here, but You have a life and children together. As much as I’d say ltb, it is only bedroom activities that’s the problem? Is he an otherwise good partner?
If so, surely it’s something that could be worked on, particularly if it used to work. Sounds extreme to see a therapist over this, but if the other option is leaving an otherwise good man that’s the route I’d take.
I couldn’t look the kids in the eye if I hadn’t tried everything else first personally.

Read her post. She’s talked to him about it and he doesn’t care - he actually laughed at her when she told him she wasn’t turned on.

OP, please leave him. He’s appalling.

ScholesPanda · 20/11/2025 00:54

I think the fact he laughed when you raised it as an issue says it all. He doesn't care, he may even enjoy your discomfort.

If he won't change, and it sounds like he won't, you need to leave. The lack of respect will spread to other aspects of your life if you stay.

Thoseslippers · 20/11/2025 00:01

I understand you have children together but please please leave this man. Jesus's christ just find a way to end it. Life is too short to waste it in misery. He does not give a shit about you. You may as well be a blow up doll.

FinallyHere · 19/11/2025 23:31

You say you tell him but nothing changes. Actions speak louder than words. Just stop.

SaltySpitoon · 19/11/2025 23:21

Being a bit clueless in bed is one thing, but it's entirely another to LAUGH when your partner expresses how unpleasant they find it. He knows it's awful for you and he just doesn't care. Please run for the hills.

Ihatetomatoes · 19/11/2025 23:19

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 19/11/2025 21:17

Ummm...stop having sex with him??

This.

Winterwonderwhy · 19/11/2025 23:18

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 19/11/2025 21:17

Put up or shut up... Or you know... LEAVE

This. Who is forcing you to do anything except yourself

BlackeyedSusan · 19/11/2025 23:14

Sex should be mutually enjoyable with enthusiastic consent.

If he is pressuring you for sex, that's not freely given consent. It's abuse.

Screamingabdabz · 19/11/2025 22:52

I voted YABU because any woman having sex that she doesn’t actually enjoy is baffling. Why would you? You don’t have to consent to this. Expect better.

TeaRoseTallulah · 19/11/2025 22:47

It's not the fact he's shit it's the fact he's not listening or trying to pleasure you. Finish it,he doesn't give a shit about you .

Agapornis · 19/11/2025 22:45

He's essentially assaulting you. Has he gone into some misogynist rabbit hole which means he now believes you don't deserve respect?

No more sex with him. Tell him to sleep on the sofa.

2spot · 19/11/2025 22:31

Wtf. I voted YABU because you haven't dumped him yet

Cerezo · 19/11/2025 22:28

Ummm. The whole “sex while dry” and him laughing?

I mean….that’s HUGE red flag. 🚩

cinnamongirl123 · 19/11/2025 22:20

Oh crap, just seen that you have kids together 😫 I thought it was a more casual thing. Still, he doesn’t seem very nice.

cinnamongirl123 · 19/11/2025 22:18

I put YABU because YABU still to be with him! End it!

YYYDlilah · 19/11/2025 22:18

Have your knitting bag by the side of the bed to make it more interesting.

IsItSummerSoon · 19/11/2025 22:15

Sprinklecake97 · 19/11/2025 21:25

Thank you for such a kind reply 🩷. It wasn’t always like this, but I think it’s time to go. You’ve described him exactly how I’ve put it across to him. We have two children together, so if it had always been this bad I’d have run a mile, but it wasn’t. Any advice on how to end it amicably?
@Nushi21

Show quote history

I honestly wouldn’t go into this expecting it to go amicably. He's completely selfish and seems to care very little for you. So… I imagine he’ll act like that throughout the breakup. Regardless I think you deserve 1 million times better and should leave him. Good luck!

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 19/11/2025 22:12

Give him an ultimatum, this is something you work on together or there is no more sex! Really he should be pleasuring you to orgasm before his penis gets anywhere near you. Tell him that. Make it very clear you won’t be having sex with him until he can make you orgasm in other ways

VickyEadieofThigh · 19/11/2025 22:07

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 19/11/2025 21:28

Lube! Tell him very clearly - use this or you’re out the door. Better still chuck him out!!

How did you come to the conclusion that all he needs to do us use lube?

k1233 · 19/11/2025 22:06

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 19/11/2025 21:35

Going a bit against the grain here, but You have a life and children together. As much as I’d say ltb, it is only bedroom activities that’s the problem? Is he an otherwise good partner?
If so, surely it’s something that could be worked on, particularly if it used to work. Sounds extreme to see a therapist over this, but if the other option is leaving an otherwise good man that’s the route I’d take.
I couldn’t look the kids in the eye if I hadn’t tried everything else first personally.

If he's selfish and inconsiderate in the bedroom, he will be the same in the other aspects of his life.

He won't be a good father, he won't be a goid partner. He will be doing what suits him, when it suits him.

I'd call him out bluntly. Sex is out because he is shit in bed. An extended dry spell might make him re-evaluate his choices.

pinkypoo8 · 19/11/2025 22:04

I would tell him he's terrible in bed and you have wanted to tell him for ages and you're off to find yourself someone who knows how to please a woman and watch his self-esteem fall through the floor 🤨can't say he doesn't deserve it ... oh dear what a shame... you are left with no alternative but to shame him and let him know he's shit in the sack

Edwinstarrihavefaithinyou · 19/11/2025 21:51

I did laugh at the poke a finger in and dig a bit sorry op you deserve more.

mambonumberfive · 19/11/2025 21:48

There’s much more to it than just just bad sex - he knows he is causing you pain and doesn’t care, he’s not listening to you, he’s actively laughing at you when you are trying to discuss issues constructively… I can’t imagine that he’s Mr Perfect the rest of the time here?!?!?! Any of these issues in isolation would merit LTB.

You deserve so much better than this, as an absolute bare minimum you deserve to be respected. Please don’t put up with this any more xx

Arlanymor · 19/11/2025 21:48

Massive drip feed with children suddenly in the picture - you must have enjoyed sex with him at some point then? I think that due to that vital piece of information being missing that most people thought he was a new(ish) partner, I certainly did.

176509user · 19/11/2025 21:35

So he enjoys sex with an unwilling partner ? What does that say about him ?

Importantly, why are you letting him have sex with you ?
Surely it’s time to dump him ?

There is no amicable way unfortunately. Just tell him he’s crap in bed and youre not putting up with it any more. End of.