AIBU to not buy DS16 the clothes he wants

Yes, this. I’m in London and this look is worn by Roadmen and wannabe Roadmen / chavs. I wouldn’t want to fund it either OP. My two late teen boys wouldn’t be seen dead in this get up

Love to see that fashion back for the lads. Not that I want to tar every lad that wears top to toe black as a scally, but as others have said it can be quite conformist or intimidating.

i feel the jeans/tshirt style can not only be more expressive of a lads personality eg by choice of colour/style/band tshirt but its just ultimately more open and less intimidating.

although if its Fred Perry /lacoste /ben Sherman polos they are still gonna be townies

Nike/North Face ninjas are standard here: teen conformity anxiety trumps personality. Is he in with a crowd already attired this way, or does he fear the existing groups? Where I live, the city has a serious problem with these bullies/followers.
Understanding & being yourself takes a quiet, stubborn, confidence. Encourage him to develope his 'self'.

We probably grew up close to each other!

Although, where I live now a lot of the boys are rocking the 90s look with baggy jeans, adidas and cool tee-shirts. My DS has finally shaken off the top to toe Nike and has some trainers that I’d happily wear, wears jeans to go out (not baggy enough for my liking) and band tee-shirts. But still has some ridiculous stuff like the CP Company goggles coat.

Whatever you do dont be like my exMIL who decided that she would KNIT jumpers and embroider things on them like Nike . Her sons had to wear them out the door and put them behind a wall before they could go out with their mates . And I sabotaged a pair of ugly trainers do my mother would buy the right ones for me.

It is so important at that age to feel like they fit in with their peers . Indulge it .

This is the thing isn't it. Vast majority of people dress the same as other people like them. Look round a playground, most of the mums you see will be dressed similarly to each other. Head to a hobby group for oaps, they will all be dressed in a similar way. Yet so many think it's ok to judge teens for doing the same thing.

⬆️ Correct

I think you can just give him a budget and he decides his priorities. I wouldn’t be splashing out on head to toe labels for my kids but if it’s not a financial thing and that’s what he wants I can’t see why you’re policing it. What do you picture him wearing?

My daughter’s school uniform is black leggings and a black t shirt with a black hoodie so every teenager around here looks like they’re about to burst into a mime act. I just giggle and go on my way.

I would and did allow it. It gets it out of their system and they grow up sooner.
I had nothing when I was a teenager, basically cast offs and bargain bin shoes and as an adult I've spent a ludicrous amount of money making up for it.

My lovely little 10 year old dresses like this, I do smile because he has no idea of the connotations he just likes it cos his friends do.

We were at a family Christmas event at the weekend and all the groups of boys looked the same. They do look a bit disconcerting until you see them stop to coo over a dog or call someone to return their dropped umbrella 😂 it's just fashion.

Also, all the grown up dads were in blue jeans and black puffer jackets and all the mums were in dryrobes!

He’s a teenage boy, they all want to dress like that. It’s a phase, and it passes. Let him dress how he likes. He’ll resent your trying to control him and his own lack of agency otherwise. He’ll be an adult soon enough and you’ll have no say then anyway.

Teenagers want to fit in with friends. Please get him the clothes he wants ,there is a lot of peer pressure nowadays with social media. If he is different he will be a target for bullies etc.

This is standard “ attire” where we live. My DS is a bit older ( 17.5) and funds all his black clothes.

What do you want him to wear?

What's the main issue for you here, OP?
The fact that she's dressed head to toe in black?
Nike branding?
Or the cost?
Or a bit of all 3?

Speaking as someone who wasn’t allowed to wear anything that was remotely fashionable as a teenager please just go with what he wants ! Honestly I always felt so out of place and different to my peers, it was horrible !

So he doesn't get pocket money and his Mum wants to police his clothes at 16? Way too controlling

Are you from the north west by any chance 😁

MY DD14 went goth and wears all black, things with spikes, chains, a long black PVC (my budget doesnt run to leather) coat and a variety of oddities she has either made herself or bought from charity shops. It's not MY look and she certainly gets attention, both positive and negative, but she is growing and learning her style and who am I to say what that should be. I'd draw the line at things with offensive slurs or curse words on or where she has showing too much flesh for polite society (not that this is likely to ever be a problem for her!)

Your son wants to look like his peers, seems quite normal to me. You will only alienate him if you start a fight over stuff like this that doesn't matter!

They all dress in black. And puffer jackets. My only objection is that now it’s dark I can’t see any of them at night when driving. What ever happened to having reflective bits on coats and bags so that you could at least be sure they’re safe at night?

I am wearing a black puffer with leggings right now, because I am walking by the river in the freezing cold.

Also I agree that the clothes do not define the person. I’m a middle aged mum and sometimes I wear a black puffer with leggings and my socks pulled over them. I’m sure that some mumsnetters would be horrified but it’s my comfy mum uniform 🤷‍♀️

Roadman 😂 anyone else still prefer scally?

(tbf yes it’s standard these days but it’s so boring and unimaginative - i long for the days of stolen from Ivor - maybe some spliffy jeans and a hyper colour tshirt and some funky coloured gazelles!)

OP, just to reassure you, DS is now 21, still wears all black, doing a masters and has a decent job offer. All his similarly dressed friends are also doing great.

A few points, as a mum of a 17yo boy.

I was always wary of buying excessive amounts of expensive, branded clothing. Because they often change their minds quickly.

Ds wore whatever he liked, but if he wanted very expensive JD stuff a lot of it would be birthday or Christmas gifts. Ds tended to opt for the Nike academy football stuff which was a lot cheaper.

I don’t think you can tell your teen what to wear. ‘Roadman’ clothes seem to be pretty standard, but I would be clear on a clothing budget as some of that stuff is crazy overpriced.

Once my ds left school he very quickly ditched the the head to toe JD look and started wearing (what I class as) normal clothes. Nice jeans, joggers and cargos more of a student look.