To think most long-term couples aren’t evenly matched in looks and it affects staying power?

When I first met DH, I thought his friend, and his then girlfriend were brother and sister! Everybody commented how a like they looked. That did not go down well.

This thread is gross.

From what Ive seen, women are generally more attractive in couple pairings. There are exceptions, but generally the woman is more attractive.

I think it probably depends more on whether one member of the couple considers themselves more attractive (or unattractive too I suppose, as this could lead to paranoia). I consider dh and I evenly matched - he has occasionally been told that he is ‘punching’, but I don’t see it - I think he’s gorgeous. Attractiveness is subjective.

What a load of horse shit. Together over 30 years. I may have been objectively better looking in our earlier years but he is significantly more handsome as we’ve got older. (In my eyes anyway) Thankfully we both think our life together and family is far more valuable, satisfying and important than how we look.

All the Botox and fillers level up the playing field and I don’t mean in a good way!

Most people are average looking anyway.

My friend is an exceptionally good-looking man, and I mean exceptional. He worships the ground his wife walks on. They've been together since the '80s. BTW she's older than him, and not bad looking, but he's more model material. It doesn't matter.

Another friend is beautiful and married to a man that isn't much to look at. He's a few decades older than her, and they're crazy about each other. They've been together twenty years.

In my experience, when you fall in love with someone they become beautiful.

I saw a video of a psychologist saying this the other day. It wasn’t reduced to looks though, it was about a growing gap within social standing being a leading cause for divorce.

He used the example of a head cheerleader marrying the captain of the football team (American). At the time they meet they have similar social standing. After 10 years she is a doctor and he is unemployed. The gap that is created leads to resentment, difference in opportunity etc.

people don’t often marry someone in their “looks category

I think that's rubbish!

Interesting. I would generally be regarded as more attractive than my husband, looks never bothered me. After 23 years together I found out he was having an affair with a very unattractive woman from work(this is genuinely not vitriol, she is just ugly) and left me for her earlier this year. He has now massively changed his appearance, shaving his hair off and dressing differently and now honestly looks awful. So many friends and family have commented on it. I’m honestly nothing special, but he was never conventionally attractive in the slightest, ironically it was his kindness I was attracted to as I felt safe and loved with him. We had a loving relationship for over 2 decades, built a brilliant family and life together, he had a midlife crisis and ran off with a goblin 😂

I think attractiveness in relationships has been studied and most people marry someone with similar looks

I haven’t observed this at all.

Assessing people's looks is subjective though. You may think a couple is 'mismatched' looks-wise but the next person may not. I'd have thought people are more likely to be matched in educational level, probably class as well.

My DP were evenly matched in looks. I was not with my ex. I do think that if there are other incompatibilities alongside a a mismatch in the looks dept, that a relationship can sink.
My ex was abusive, but he also let hinself go physically. That, alongside his nastiness, eventually repulsed me.

This.

It’s also frightening how often I come across couples who look like they could be twins.

although this is more to the point 😂

I have never noticed this, and most of my peers are in marriages that have lasted over two decades. Obviously some have separated over the years, but the vast majority who married in their late 20s/ 30s are still together. I haven't noticed a looks mismatch in the separated or the still together couples tbh.

I think that a big looks disparity only happens when there's also a financial or power mismatch (i.e one partner is attracted to the other's power/ money - or to be generous the charisma of those things - and the other to looks, both equally superficial...) but I don't know couples like that IRL.

Most of our friends have been married for 35/40 years. It's remarkable how similar to each other many couples have become.

If they didn't like each others looks they wouldn't have married, what you perceive as good or not so good looks isn't necessarily what other people see. You like skinny some people like chubby, you like cherubic, they like strong features, you just have no idea what other people like. I hear people rave about someone's looks and I may think they are pretty ordinary, each to their own.

Totally agree, it's really rare. And also very much missing out on the whole thing that makes couples endure... which is compatibility on far more many levels.

Love this

I think most couples are evenly matched in terms of “social currency” albeit not necessarily looks, but given that millionaires are in short supply, it’s more common for couples to “match” in terms of looks than not.

Sitting at an outdoor restaurant few weeks ago my newly single friend and I were observing couples our age (60s). By and large the women were much better looking than the men - who all seemed to be bald potatoes! I’d say three decades ago they probably were more or less the same in looks, but the women just take care of themselves better. Make up of course helps.
My friend is still stunning at 61, despite recently having undergone radiotherapy for breast cancer. Her ex was good looking, but has not aged well. But their looks are not why they have split, and I imagine in those cases where there is a disparity in attractiveness from the beginning looks aren’t the reason they eventually separate either. Relationships are much more complex than that.

Correlation and causation

justification of personal hypothesis

mixing lust and love

How do you reckon any longterm couple (gorgeous or gruesome as either may be) is failing in the staying power stakes?