To think most long-term couples aren’t evenly matched in looks and it affects staying power?

I don’t think looks is why long term
couple split up. I think it’s more life events (particularly stressful
ones), people change, fall out of love, get bored, meet someone else etc

To answer your question directly - yes, you are being unreasonable. The fact that you’re analyzing this so deeply, thinking through all the different ways it could ‘play out,’ is honestly kind of baffling. Why are you so bothered by other people’s relationships? 😂

Yep. Anyone judging on looks alone is likely to end up failing with a relationship.

IME in the medium term women age faster (hence silver fox phenomenon, for example) but in the end women's taking care of themselves better comes to the fore...

I don't think the looks matter at all my dh is nearly 42 im 38 been with him 9 years we actually have so much in common and literally think im so lucky to have him he's my rock and he's so kind im very lucky

Well I am stunning and my DH makes me laugh a lot of the time ,he used to be a chef so his meals are amazing he is excellent at putting batteries into watches. We get on well together and yet like doing our own thing as well. I go out and meet friends and like musicals whereas he doesn't. I am not really stunning I was joking! It takes all sorts to be part of a couple, some do everything together.

There’s something in that last sentence, absolutely. The reverse is true too, if you fall out of love with someone you can end up wondering what on earth you saw in them on all levels, including looks.

I have an ex like that. Thought he was incredibly good looking when we first met, but over the years, as his negative personality traits became increasingly apparent, my physical attraction to him diminished. I don’t think he is good looking at all now, even in old photos.

Opposite for me.

I was the 'pretty' girl at 20, naturally blonde and sweet. On that basis much better than dh, subjectively. Although every aspect of his personality was strong, solid and reliable.

Now in our 60s, I'm fat and frumpy. He is a silver fox.

We still love each other just the same.

I think its because there is a massive push on fillers, fake lashes, fake nails, hair extensions etc for women lately. I lot of women in their 40s are beginning to look and dress younger because of the all of the above. Their partners simply look their age.

You've said it yourself "the older you get".

Plenty of people let themselves go or age differently or have difficult hands dealt to them in life. Sometimes it happens to both together, sometimes just one half of the couple. Perhaps that's what you're seeing.

This thread is quite depressing. So we all get a score, do we? Looks being the most significant one, followed by personality and maybe intelligence, kindness, sense of humour, etc.
Fortunately, in my world beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Attraction is subjective and a dark art. It’s has nothing to do with it an outsider reckons they’re on an even keel.

Years ago I had a job which involved checking clients passports - it was really interesting how alike most couples looked . I think on the whole people pick someone quite like them - aging though impacts different people differently . I’m significantly younger than DH - but you really wouldn’t know

Nope - don’t agree. I’m not shallow enough to judge anyone on looks. Or how much money they’ve got.

Personality, kindness, humour, generous nature etc are what really counts.

Make or female, looks fade.

I find couples tend to be of like levels of attractiveness generally. I think the attractiveness can diverge depending on how well the individual looks after themselves (or is able to) as they age. My parents are only 3 years apart but my mum has always been a yoyo dieter which takes its toll on the skin and my dad is a bit selfish and always prioritised his sports and sleep. His looks aged very well and hers much less so.

I would probably say my husband is better looking than me, not vastly so, but I'm 14 years younger so my relative youth tops up the gap.

In couples where one is noticeably more good looking I think it tends to be the woman but generally balanced out by the man being more likely to be a traditional "provider" type with a good job. I don't think it's as simple as men are more fickle about looks and women are more likely to be "golddiggers", but some couples are just more inclined towards a traditional set up.

Does anyone actually think like this?

Dp is more attractive than me, I guess. It makes absolutely no difference in our relationship.

My experience of long term relationships is that it's far more important whether your partner pulls their weight with housework and childcare, can be relied on and treats you well, than how they look.

Don't know what you are surrounded with but 1) I don't think your thesis is true and 2) so what? Who is in a long term relationship based on looks? That's a bonkers reason to have chosen the person you are going to spend forever with.

I have a slightly similar story. A work colleague friend and his girlfriend both really beautiful-looking, been together since university in pretty glamorous high flying jobs, both didn’t want kids. He found out she was seeing someone else - a very short, overweight bald man at least 10 years over her age and not particularly wealthy. My friend was devastated but she left him, went off with this other guy and had 3 kids. They seem really happy. My friend got together with an even more beautiful woman and they live in a kind of show home palace, no kids. They don’t seem all that happy but they are well-matched. My guess is that the first girlfriend got sick of the facade of ‘beauty’ and settled down with someone she just clicked with regardless of his looks. But who knows?

I genuinely can’t think of one couple like this, every couple I know are pretty evenly matched

Most couples I know are matched in looks. Certainly when they meet.

I do know some where women have aged more harshly - normally because they accept the men going to the gym / cycling / football etc while women are doing all the child rearing / housework & generally running themselves ragged.

But I also know some where the man hasn’t looked after himself well at all!

I remember reading that long term couples start to look alike because they laugh together and therefore develop the same laughter lines.

I hope that's true.

I think that’s fair. It doesn’t sound as if the OP is extrapolating from much data.

People who think like this generally have limited exposure to things in life.

I think the exact opposite. And you’re not in a relationship with a set of looks, anyway. The couples I can think of who seem ‘mismatched’ in looks come with compensating factors which make the longterm attraction completely comprehensible.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that beauty comes from more than physical appearance. My partner and I are very different in many ways, yet we are very happy and have been together for a long time.