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AIBU?

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Son not invited to friend’s birthday party (13)

505 replies

PeoniesGinandBags · 19/11/2025 18:47

My son is part of a group of a dozen or so boys in our smallish community who went to the local primary school together and then moved to the secondary school. Much bigger as it takes in from all the villages etc.

It was one of the boy’s birthdays and, it turns out, he had a birthday party at what looks to be a kind of snooker, bowling type place. I only know because his mum just shared all the photos on Facebook.

all of the boys from the group were there. My son had not been invited.

The family live a few doors down and whilst as parents were not friends on our own, we are friendly because our boys are.

Most nights, all of them are playing online together. As they are right now!

I feel really angry and upset that my son didn’t even get an invite. I’ve not asked him about it because I don’t know what to say. Am I wrong to think this is a bit of a crap thing to do? He’s absolutely the only one not invited. I know all of them as they’ve grown up together. It feels really exclusionary.

my son and the birthday boy did have a really small falling out perhaps 8 or 9 months ago but it was all done and dusted in a day and was nothing major. O even spoke with his mum above it.

i feel so sad that my son wasn’t included. And honestly, annoyed. Who does that? I would understand if it was just 2 or 3 pals but it is absolutely all of them!!!

OP posts:
Izzywizzy85 · 19/11/2025 20:37

I understand why you’re hurt OP. And I think it’s really mean to exclude one boy. I hope your son’s ok. Your message is perfect-breezy, non accusatory and polite.

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 19/11/2025 20:36

OP I feel your pain and it’s totally valid to feel this way. IMO it doesn’t matter they’re at secondary school. These aren’t kids he’s known 5 minutes, they’re long standing friends and it’s shitty behaviour from them and their parents (esp as you know them too!).
It happened to my son. He phased himself out of that group. He’s now found his people who know how to treat each other well.

Cel77 · 19/11/2025 20:34

Do you know how your son feels about it? Based on what you said, it sounds quite mean to not have invited him.

Vaxtable · 19/11/2025 20:32

I.m petty, so I would be doing the same to the kid whose party it was and invite everyone else but him

That way he gets to understand how it feels and hopefully learns from it

TheatricalLife · 19/11/2025 20:21

I wouldn't have messaged as he's secondary school age, told you he is ok about it when asked and is currently playing online with them. My DD would have been horrified that I'd messaged the mum after she said it was fine.
It's done now though, so hopefully you'll get an answer.

Mum398 · 19/11/2025 20:13

These things are so hurtful. No matter my thoughts we always make sure we never leave anyone out. I have three children and someone being left out never gets easier.
Well done for messaging to ask. x

Hereforthecommentz · 19/11/2025 20:04

You shouldn't get involved he's not 8 he's a teenager. Maybe there was only a set number of places. My dd at 13 would be mortified if I got involved. Is he your only child? At this age the kids normally sort things out between them it's unusual for a parent to still be planning birthday parties.

redskydelight · 19/11/2025 20:01

PeoniesGinandBags · 19/11/2025 19:43

Okay, I’ve sent a message just asking. I’ve said it’s totally their call - obviously- on who to invite but that I just wanted to check that there hadn’t been an issue or quarrel I was f aware of etc.

Kindly, I think this was a bad move. Your child is 13 and not 8. Unless you are worried about something like bullying (in which case raise it with the school, not the other parent) you are far too invested in your child's friendships. I don't think the fact they've been together for years and the secondary school seems to be perpetuating primary school groups rather than mixing them up is helping.

At 13, my DC organised their own parties and only required me to pay for them :) I didn't even know most of their parents!

Zempy · 19/11/2025 20:01

Oh I do hope it was an oversight.

Arlanymor · 19/11/2025 20:00

You sent a message when your son said he was fine with it?

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 19/11/2025 19:59

That's a good neutral message, hope she replies

tripleginandtonic · 19/11/2025 19:55

tripleginandtonic · 19/11/2025 18:48

You dont know anything.

About whether he was invited or not or why.

mango0101 · 19/11/2025 19:52

Well done!! Let us know x

PeoniesGinandBags · 19/11/2025 19:43

Okay, I’ve sent a message just asking. I’ve said it’s totally their call - obviously- on who to invite but that I just wanted to check that there hadn’t been an issue or quarrel I was f aware of etc.

OP posts:
mango0101 · 19/11/2025 19:37

That’s awful. I would absolutely message the mum nicely and ask.

usedtobeaylis · 19/11/2025 19:37

That's pretty rubbish on him. I would ask. If there's been a mistake then it will be a reassurance for him. If there hasn't then you will know if something else is going on.

Ablondiebutagoody · 19/11/2025 19:31

Happened to DS recently. I felt really sad for him so asked the mum if there was anything going on between them that I need to know about. She said no, she trusted birthday boy to deal with the invites and he screwed it up. Apparently he asked an hour into the party whether DS was coming.

BobbyBrewstersMagicTorch · 19/11/2025 19:31

I did this, by mistake when my daughter was little. She could have 10 people at her party, as it was for a specific event. She invited 9 girls from her class, but I hadn't realised that there was one little girl who'd been left out (purely because of numbers).

I felt dreadful afterwards but it wasn't deliberate, just an oversight

NerrSnerr · 19/11/2025 19:30

Do they have other groups of friends at school? Even if they’re still in contact online could they just be drifting apart? (some kids seem to constantly message everyone)

PeoniesGinandBags · 19/11/2025 19:23

nomas · 19/11/2025 19:17

They’re not a class of 12 boys, they are now in separate classes at school.

YABU to expect an automatic invite.

They are though. The school keeps the children in mixed ability groups until year 10 based on their primary school. So they’re all still together.

OP posts:
nomas · 19/11/2025 19:17

They’re not a class of 12 boys, they are now in separate classes at school.

YABU to expect an automatic invite.

PeoniesGinandBags · 19/11/2025 19:13

The friend messages all the time and there don’t seem to be any issues (I check my son’s phone periodically to check he’s not involved in anything he shouldn’t be).

I’ve just taken him a drink and breezily (!) asked and he just said “I wasn’t invited. I don’t know why but I’m okay”. my son does struggle with anxiety (school are doing a SEND plan at the moment). I know him and when he said I don’t mind, his voice caught. You know when someone feels emotional about something?

He’s literally online playing Minecraft with him now… it’s so weird. And it doesn’t feel nice.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 19/11/2025 19:02

It’s likely that all isn’t as it seems. What happened with the fallout? Maybe there’s a reason why the friend has distanced himself a bit?

My daughter is in secondary and has a primary school friend who she’s trying to distance herself from as she’s just constantly ‘at her’. Her mum is oblivious and got upset when she wasn’t invited to a recent party. Could be similar.

Minnie798 · 19/11/2025 19:00

I'd do a general check in with ds that all is okay in his friendship group. Other than that I wouldn't do or say anything. Teenagers should navigate their own friendships, with parents there to support if it is needed.
There isn't really an active role for you to play in teen friendships.

Tryingatleast · 19/11/2025 18:58

We’ve had people not get text messages or invites over the year (I have 4 kids!) but I’ve had people advise me not to ring or text just in case they couldn’t afford to come/ were sick. Or maybe they had a falling out you didn’t know about/ the son wasn’t ok about it