36 but don't want to be pregnant at my wedding

Is that the sort of tone you take with your partner?

I agree with everyone else, I’m in favour of marriage before babies so if you’re serious about both get married in the next couple of months, and carry on ttc.

My first took 3 years and I was younger than you are. We decided to ttc and get married, got married 4 months later, baby took an awful lot longer.

Get angry at the replies if you feel they’re unfair but you asked for opinions, many posters are sharing their own experiences and you’re being very defensive.

Surely you can see where he’s coming from if he sees you crying every month but suddenly you want 6 months off.

@YourLivelyRedBiscuit he’s being juevenille, take the break enjoy the wedding and come back to TTC after the wedding.

It took me 4 years to conceive each of my babies at 28 and 34. If I’d started trying at 36, I doubt they’d be here. Don’t delay TTC for the sake of a party.

You forgot dramatic.

Now you’re being ridiculous, no-one has said that. You asked for opinions and you got them. It’s your decision but people are saying it’s risky to wait if you might need fertility treatment.

Saying that, your partner’s reaction is unfair. Given you’d be the one being pregnant then you ultimately get to decide if you stop TTC for a while.

I wouldn't wait that long either in these circumstances, sorry. Also if you take any contraception then it could take even more time for your body to get rid of it.

I would rather delay the wedding if that's that important to you, or do a simple ceremony at the registry and a bigger celebration after.

Have you realised that you don’t seem to care about his feelings? He holds you to cry every month, but what do you do to support him when he’s experiencing the same emotional pain? It sounds like he desperately wants a baby and you’ve decided that a wedding dress is more important to you. I think that’s quite a hard thing for him to accept.

People are giving real life experience. I have one friend who took 4 years to conceive her first child (started mid 30s), another had to go down the IVF route and it took years. I would carry on TTC and have a smaller wedding in the. Ext few months. I was in perimenopause before I turned 40 which isn’t too rare.

I know people who have postponed their wedding when they gor pregnant - that is an option and you'll have plenty of time to know if you're likely to be 'showing'. Also people do get married when pg, it's fine.

Six months is quite a long time to stop TTC just for the sake of a wedding dress.

I'd be reconsidering the whole relationship if my partner wanted to delay TTC when we were already having problems and getting older for the sake of wearing a poxy dress on one day.

I agree

Six months is not a "small gap" at your age.

6 months is a long time to wait when you're approaching 40.

YNBU to not want to be have morning sickness etc at your wedding. But I would look at the bigger picture. It’s just a day/afternoon. For most people their wedding day isn’t the happiest day of their life. Don’t buy into that myth. In these circs I would be more pragmatic.

I know its 6 months, but you need to consider if you have got fertility issues, then what?
Nothing was picked up on my scan but I couldn't fall pregnant. From referral, it took the ivf clinic 3 years to see me. They decided on an op to investigate which was another year wait, 3 months recovery, another 4 months before they could fit me in for a follow up, another 3 months before I could begin treatment. Im now going into year 6 with no baby still. I was 29, im now 35 and delayed again for at least 6 months as I need yet another op on my ovary this time.
If you are both happy to live without children then go for the wedding. If you arent happy to do that, I'd seriously consider at least starting further investigations on both of you as you never know what could be thrown up and how the timeline will play out.

Perimenopause started for me at 38. Not saying it'll be the same for you, but you can’t be sure it won’t either.
If the frock and the party are important to you, thats fine. It just doesn’t sound like the priorities of some one whose crying every month when its not been successful…

My friend did a big wedding in 2021 as they didn’t want to scale back during covid which was fair enough. Also didn’t want to be pregnant for the wedding. On 6th round of IVF now.
took me 4 years to have my daughter then with my second a further 2 years as I had recurring miscarriages. You could be one of the lucky ones and conceive straight after the wedding or you could be me or my friend. I’d carry on TTC if it were me.

Agree, time is not on your side.
keep ttc, pop to the register office, have a big wedding and christening when little one arrives.

Seriously just pop to the registry office in the next few week. Keep tcc that way. X

He obviously shouldn’t be tantruming at you, but it does sound like you want a wedding (wedding, not marriage) more than you want a baby.

If you really want a baby, surely wearing an empire line dress and staying off the wine and blue cheese on your wedding day won’t matter very much!

It took me 4 years to conceive each of my babies at 28 and 34. If I’d started trying at 36, I doubt they’d be here. Don’t delay TTC for the sake of a party.

I wouldn't wait at 36, especially as you could need fertility treatment, which takes time in itself. Are you having more investigations?