36 but don't want to be pregnant at my wedding

I don't think that but I don't think your priorities are in order. Weddings are one day - a (hopefully) gorgeous day you'll look back on with real happiness, but one day. Having a baby when you really want one is about the shape of the rest of your life.

As you haven't conceived so far there's no guarantee you'd be heavily pregnant at the wedding anyway. You COULD be very pregnant in which case what a lovely thing - to look back and know your unborn baby was with you. You might not be pregnant at all but then you'll be further down the line in both testing AND trying (I have no experience of investigations into fertility issues but I'm fairly sure at this early stage they absolutely wouldn't recommend stopping for half a year). If you don't feel like you want to do a wedding while potentially pregnant for some reason but DO want to be married irst, you could just get married at the register office, or do that and then have a big party later if that's what you're keen on.

I know in an ideal world you'd like to have a wedding day where you look and feel your best and potentially not with a bump, AND have the baby you want when you want them. But unfortunately it's not an ideal world and statistically, taking a big gap now just makes it slightly less likely for you. It depends on your priorities - I think your partner is upset that the wedding itself feels like the priority for you.

No one is suggesting that, but simply acknowledging that every 6 months you wait, the chance of conceiving will decrease.

It is really tough to have to choose between two dreams, when we grow up thinking we will have everything perfect. But life doesn't happen that way, and it's a gamble.

And coincidentally it is not vain to want your wedding a certain way. However, you should acknowledge that delaying TTC IS a trade off which will impacting chance of conception. So, frankly, what is more important? There is not a wrong answer, but you and your husband-to-be need to be in agreement.

Look at information on the British fertility society website. Your fertility is declining now if you are 36. Do you want to reduce your chances of conceiving for one (albeit special) day?

We continued to try to conceive and I was a pregnant bride at 36. No regrets.

I had a child at 32 got pregnant easily- had another baby at 39 it was an absolute nightmare- 7 miscarriages, difficult times. Wasn’t easy at all. 36 six months counts.

I was got pregnant in my 40s after trying for a few years, and with a wedding booked. My twins looked great enveloped in a big fitted white tent to show my big bump off. If I'd waited, I'd most likely never have had any kids. So boo hoo, I didn’t have a body to die for or drink all the champagne I possibly could that day. Lucky old me, I always think.

Tbh I think with that response and your partners response to wanting a 6mth break - I’d be reconsidering whether this is the right relationship to bring a child into.

my partner and I haven’t used contraception for 18 years and I have had a grand total of 1 pregnancy at 32 - and that was through IVF (unexplained infertility) - so I would strongly advise you

a) do not take your fertility for granted
b) start looking into options re assisted conception as the older you are the higher the chances it will not work
c) NHS IVF may not be available to you so if you are planning to self fund do you have funds for both a big wedding and IVF treatment

That’s a horribly insensitive thing to say to someone who is struggling to get pregnant.

Op sorry I think 6 mths is a long time to put TTC on hold. A couple of months maybe but not 6 mths but also the first couple of months being pregnant can be rougher than 2nd tri.

I think some people are being harsh, but ultimately if you really want a baby, I’d prioritise that. It might not even happen by the wedding. But I wouldn’t pause just in case. I have friends who put off TTC for similar reasons and they bitterly regret it.

This. We postponed TTC for a year whilst we planned our wedding and got married. Didn’t get pregnant until after our 4th wedding anniversary.

Your finance knows that some people start menopause at 40 and that 38 isn't ridiculously young. You are already 36 and may need more intervention before you conceive. Time is not on your side if you really want a child.

Can't you get married sooner? January/February time? Winter weddings are lovely.

Your body, your choice. I’d feel the same as you, but then all my friends were much older than you when they had their first so doesn’t seem out of the ordinary to me.

Well no, you can still have the fabulous wedding party after the baby!

Agree with others, straight down to the registry office then crack on with TTC.

I’m 36 too but won’t start TTC until at least 38 (relationship too new, got 18 more months of long distance), so I’m fully aware that circumstances can impact when you can actually TTC. But delaying for a party? Not a wise move.

Best of luck.

Definitely.

You don’t have time on your side especially if you have been TTC for 1 year with out luck - this may be classified as infertile.

If your partner really wants kids I can see why he’d be very upset. This wait May be the difference between a baby or none at all.

Who cares about fitting into a dress - you can always find something that fits if you go fall pregnant.

Btw no one has called you names apart from yourself - why did you do that?

Best idea ever. Just don’t have any kids. They’re right arseholes.

Bluntly, you’re too old to be worrying about that, if you really do want a baby.

Just be aware how long all the investigations and treatment will take if you need it and go down the NHS route. I would also worry they won't take you seriously if you say you have had a 6 month break.
We started trying at 32 and it took 2.5 years. Then for 2nd at 36 and it took over 3 years.

I can understand your partner being upset. Your chances of conceiving will be getting lower every month. There's a chance he is thinking that this is just you completely giving up on trying too. If I was in your partners situation it would have me worried that you valued a nice day for a wedding over having a child together, which would be fine for some people but disappointing for someone if they thought their partner had different values.

I would carry on TTC and investigations into fertility. There’s a surprising lack of sex while going through fertility treatments! You have to make sure you aren’t pregnant for tube tests, laparoscopies, even IVF! So start fertility investigations asap.

But it can take ages to get all the tests, surgeries and treatments you might need. If you start now and things go well, you could still be looking at a baby at 40. That means a definite C section or enforced inducing as they won’t let you go over your due date.

So it’s just people who have been through it saying that a wait of 6 months isn’t good. And who knows what a new govt or govt cuts could bring. They could crack down on free NHS fertility support completely.

It would be best to prioritise baby than a wedding.

Could your fiance just be really confused? One minute he's supporting you TTC and being devastated every month and the next he's been told you want to stop for 6 months when time isn't on your side for trivial reasons. I can understand why he got upset.

In perimenopause at 37 👋

6 months could be the difference between conceiving or not.

If you were 26 I would say pause until after the wedding, but you ain’t Im afraid 🤷‍♀️.

No, but do you really want a baby? I'm not being goady, its a serious question. I can't think of many women who desperately want to get pregnant, who at 36 and having TTC unsuccessfully for a year, would pause for 6 months to avoid being pregnant on their wedding day - and I say that as someone who went through infertility and IVF. I'm not surprised DP is upset.

I'm sorry to jump on the band wagon but I think you need to try not to take offence. People are giving their real life experiences. You came here for advice but maybe you aren't ready to hear it.

My DH proposed when I was 29. I postponed the TTC because of our upcoming wedding and I didn't end up having our first til I was 39.

My periods had always been normal so I assumed it would happen quickly for us. We were 'unexplained'.

IVF ended up in a miscarriage and then life kept throwing things at us meaning we postponed another round.

I eventually fell pregnant naturally at 38 and had her 6 months shy of my 40th birthday.

My advice is don't wait.

Very fair and well put.