36 but don't want to be pregnant at my wedding

Gosh talk about a tantrum!!

Are you ok…? Why ask if you’re going to react like that at people giving an honest answer.

I'd maybe just pause ttc to avoid having a wedding in the first trimester. I wouldn't have been able to physically stand at an alter between week 6 and 14 of pregnancy. Having said that, you might be fine. You generally don't get any symptoms for the first 6 weeks of pregnancy anyway so can always resume ttc, the month before your wedding.

But yeah time isn't on your side with being age 36, you can't really afford to wait I don't think.

I wouldn’t delay either. Weddings can be planned very quickly if you do fall pregnant

and yes the blocked fallopian tube is a significant issue. If you have to go down the IVF route many local authorities have an age cut off of 36. There is a reason for that …because success rates for ivf start to decline past that age. The NHS wait times for IVF are also long.

(I was infertile and nearly died from twice ruptured ectopics by age 36 so putting off TTC is a pretty emotive subjective for me)

You don’t sound concerned that you’ve not fallen pregnant after a year at mid thirties. I’d be more worried of thinking you’ve fertility issues and that can be a long difficult road ahead , rather than worrying about pregnancy on your wedding day. I would have not liked to be pregnant when getting married as I had morning sickness, lots of nausea and fatigue and had to have naps. Luckily we started trying before getting married and me at aged 30 thinking it would be a breeze only to find out IVF was our only chance. It’s difficult and waiting risks losing your chance for have any children. NHS waits are huge and you could be nearing 40 and still childless. Your decision x

There is no way your behaviour is sustainable, it doesn't work to a timetable

@YourLivelyRedBiscuit you need to do what you need to do…stress may well be impacting on you ttc , 1 year of trying is actually not that much at 36, and I think psychologically it is possible to hold ourselves back from ttc if we dont feel secure enough!

Unexplained infertility, it took years to conceive through IVF. I cried every period for years. You sound as if you are blaming him because he “sat” on the proposal. If it comes down to it which is most important to you the wedding or a baby? If you never get pregnant would you think what if I hadn’t stopped TTC for the wedding? You may not be pregnant for the wedding. I would risk it and keep trying but you need to do whichever you think you will regret the least.

If you’ve only just got engaged, is there a dire need to get married right away? I say that as someone who’s been engaged for 3 years with my partner, we’ve prioritised having a family before a wedding, because 1. Time isn’t so much on our side in our 30s, and cost wise we’d rather pay towards getting our family and have done that with private testing etc. And 2. We would love for our child to be present at our wedding whether that’s as a baby or a toddler or so on. I know on paper 6 months really doesn’t sound like a lot of time, and if I was in my 20s I’d agree with you in a heart beat, but mid 30s and many loses later, I’ve realised how precious time is when ttc as we age. I think you’re somewhere in between over reacting and not over reacting. It’s a hard place to be in

Ouch! No you’re not, but biology waits for no one and you’re already struggling to conceive? I am a bit older than you and know so many people who waited for the right time and then couldn’t have a baby or not without very expensive emotionally draining IVF. Unfortunately it’s just the reality. You might look back and wish you had a big wedding sure, but it’s one day you would be giving up. Versus a child which changes your life forever. If you’re already TTC then you know that feeling of desperately wanting a baby. Not sure anyone has ever felt the same strength of feeling about a wedding. It would be different if you were 25 or 30, absolutely pause, but you might be gambling your chances of having a baby at all, ever, on this pause. Is it worth it?

why not have a registry wedding to get the legalities sorted before having a baby and then press on with TTC and have the big wedding later and hopefully have your child there?

I wouldn't view the pause as only six months when you are already struggling to conceive and are the wrong side of 35. The wedding can be postponed if needed.

OP don't wait. I went through menopause at 37.

Dresses can be chosen with the plan that they may need to be altered. No reason you can't drink normally. Maybe chose a late in the day time do you can take it slow if you aren't feeling well.

This ♥️♥️♥️

He always holds me when I cry when my period comes

Honestly you’ve been trying for a year and are (understandably) upset each month when your period comes - I personally don’t understand why you’d wait given the risk for a lot more potential distress.

I think your partner ought to be reconsidering whether you are the right one for him, given your different priorities!

35 is geriatric pregnancy btw (no offence as I was one myself).

You asked if you were being unreasonable. Everyone says you are, no-one has been rude but you have responded petulantly.

Well are you sure you even want to marry your partner and have a baby with him?
You sound like you are throwing a tantrum about not having a perfect day, without even considering how he might feel. He is the one consoling you when you are apparently disappointed when your period arrives, yet you seem more concerned over looking good on your wedding day. If I was him I would be wondering why I was with you with these strange priorities!

What a ridiculous comment. FWIW I think you'd be mad to postpone TTC for a wedding day.

Maybe the OP wasn’t aware that late 30s has implications on actually getting pregnant. And all these stories are a bit of a shock to her?
its still medically a ‘geriatric’ pregnancy if the mother is over 40 isn’t it? There’s medical reasons for that. It’s not judging it’s facts.

OP I suggest you look up some fertility facts and have some conversations with your fiancé. You need to be a team to bring up a baby together.

Honestly I wouldn’t wait. If you ended up unable to conceive I think you’d kick yourself. You could always get married after the baby is born if you did get pregnant. Personally I think delaying a possibly difficult journey to children isn’t a choice I would make.

Your fiancé probably thinks you’re risking not being able to have children so you look nice in a dress for one day.

I definitely wouldn’t wait in your situation.

I was 3 months pregnant on my wedding day. My dress fitted perfectly (first baby’s often don’t “pop” until more 25 weeks plus) and had an amazing day. And that baby loves looking at my wedding photos and knowing that he was there too (3 year olds can be so sweet sometimes… sometimes…)

If you’re atruggling with fertility I would be saving your monwy for IVF.

Six months out of what are probably your last few years of potential fertility - thats a huge proportion of your limited remaining chances that you’re proposing to give up.