36 but don't want to be pregnant at my wedding

I think it’s understandable that your partner is frustrated by your sense of priorities.

This. I wouldn't either.

I have a friend whose husband was going to propose to her at the Magic Kingdom in Disney. She made an off-hand remark about how cheesy MK proposals are, so he didn't do it, and waited another eight months! I just think men have a relaxed timeline about this. After all, it's not THEIR biological clock that's an issue. As for not wanting to be pregnant on your wedding day, I totally get that, but men just don't THINK.

Six months matters when you're over 35, in terms of fertility. There's no reason why you can't have a baby and then have the kind of wedding you want a bit later. My cousin and his wife did this, with their toddler as a bridesmaid. It was totally fine. (They've been happily married for over twenty years now.)

The other option is to bring the wedding forward, if such a thing is possible. Would he be OK with a three-month gap?

Hi
I have a 16 month old and we are still BFing once a day. We previously had IVF and we have a FET. We’d like to transfer soon in case we need to do another egg collection etc.

the clinic have offered me a slot in December or January. I’d like to do the December slot as appointments easier to manage around work but I’m not sure we will have stopped feeding by then. Has anyone had an embryo transfer whilst still feeding?

What would you do?

You've already been ttc for a year without being engaged?

So ok with having a baby before being married?

But not with being pregnant on WD?

Is bringing the wedding forward not an option?

I would want to be married before having a baby - although not to someone who "storms off", can't stand that kind of behaviour - so for me I would be booking the register office and getting that sorted while continuing TTC. It took me two years and at least one false start before a viable pregnancy, I was 37 by the time I had him. It's very stressful, which you don't need.

If you don't want a register office wedding but a big white one with all the whistles and bells, and you'd rather put off TTC until it's done, you've got your priorities rather skewed.

I got married while 5 months pregnant (after TTC for 5 years and IVF treatment.) We had a very small wedding and we had a big party later down the line where I drank plenty of wine! To be honest I thought I would hate to be a pregnant bride but after everything we went through it was so special and beautiful- and I actually found a very flattering dress and felt great! Xx

I would get your tubes checked asap and get on with ttc.
Put off getting married or do it in the next month or so.

Going against the grain, I wasn’t massively stressed at 36. The baby question only became a more urgent topic for me at 38/39. I’d pause TTC and focus on my wedding day. It’s not just about drinking, it’s also the emotional toll, sickness, early pregnancy worries.

I was 12 weeks pregnant when I got married. I had to have a little nap in the middle! and (for me) it was actually quite a big thing not to be able to have a glass of fizz.

BUT it was absolutely magical. The happiest day ever knowing not only was I getting married but my little baby was on the way. I looked smashing, everyone was so happy for us. And looking back on the photos and knowing she was with us is absolutely lovely.

Truly, if you end up pregnant and having a wedding you will be twice blessed and you won’t care about the small stuff like the fizz and the dress!

In these circumstances the ttc should be the priority.

This. You can have a wedding anytime. Fertility isn't going to improve with waiting, equally being stressed and upset isn't going to help so try and find a positive way forward.

So.. You've been actively TTC. You're 36 and it's not happening

Now you want to stop. Your fiance doesn't.

Your reason for stopping is because you want some big wedding that you don't want to be pregnant at?

Your fertility is not going to get better the longer you wait. What's more important to you, a big wedding months away or a small wedding right away and keep trying to have a baby?

You sound unreasonable.

Wow. You sound like a proper charmer when you're disagreed with or you don't get your own way. Good luck to your boyfriend, sounds like he's going to need it!

I think some of these posts are quite harsh! OP, I’m in a similar situation to you. We had also been TTC for a year when we got engaged; we’ve had some tests and are aware of some fertility issues. Depending on the results of further tests we may need IVF. Wedding is booked for next summer. We have paused TTC for two months just to avoid the risk of giving birth/ having a new born on the day, and then will continue on. I don’t care about being pregnant at the wedding and when I bought my dress I opted for an A-line style, the designer is taking measurements later in case I’m lucky enough to conceive before the wedding.

Would having a briefer pause work maybe as a compromise? As long as you’re not about to pop, and presuming ofc there aren’t complications, then the wedding can still go ahead if you’re pregnant. Just plan for it with dress etc and plan a honeymoon that doesn’t involve long haul travel.

The best weddings I’ve been to are the small, chilled ones. They feel so personal and genuine.

OP, have your baby and then get married with your child there. That's what I did and she looked beautiful in her little dress, and it is wonderful to have her in the pictures.

You have a lifetime to get married, but not to have a baby.

Calm down and stop the dramatics. You could pull the wedding forward and have a small quiet wedding.
If you think you might needs fertility treatment then it’s money towards that.
Weddings can be small but lovely

I started ttc at 31, went for help at 34 due to getting nowhere. We got fertility testing and I was fine, but dh had poor motility. So we needed ivf. We were waiting on the nhs, but 6 months after the tests, I was too stressed to wait any more.

We had more fertility tests as part if the preparation for ivf. I was perimenopausal, my fertility had fallen off a cliff edge basically. Took many years, much stress and 9 rounds of ivf to produce 2 children, 7 years apart. I would never like to calculate the money we spent.

If you are serious about getting pregnant, I would advise you not to delay 6 months. It might be the difference between you having a baby or not, or having a second child, or not. For a party?

There's a possibility if you aren't able to get pregnant after the wedding you might regret taking a break. You could view it as a win win. If you ttc and don't get pregnant before the wedding it won't be an issue, if you do your happiness at the pregnancy might outweigh other concerns.
Having said that if you need a break you need a break though.

Half of the people on here seem to pop out babies at 40 plus

You're being optimistic if you assume you'll get pregnant, especially at 36.

Of course it will hopefully happen, but the next 6 months are statistically more likely to be successful than any months after that (due to egg aging).

At this point, you guys should be doing tests and considering chatting to ivf clinics if you want a child, not postponing.

I'd question if you do truly want a baby, if you're willing to take such a risk for a wedding (grand scheme, not very important)

Maybe the OP needs a break fromTTC. Its obviously causing a lot of stress when her period arrives each month. A few months break and a wedding to look forward to may help immensely

But can you see how you’ve come here for advice and people are trying to help by giving advice or their experiences and you snap on them like that, it’s obviously not going to go down well?

Which do you want more, the baby or the wedding?