36 but don't want to be pregnant at my wedding

I think some are being a little harsh here. I do understand how you’re feeling OP. You’re allowed to want to feel good, energised and beautiful on your wedding day - all of which I didn’t feel when I was pregnant (I know some would have felt all glowing an amazing, but not everyone does).
I dont think you’re being vain or a bitch or anything like that. I’m sorry that you’re feeling you have to choose between the two. I’m sorry I don’t have an answer for you, but I understand why you’re feeling this way!

You have a choice between having a perfect wedding day (one day only) or cracking on with trying to conceive (the result of which could be for the rest of your life).
I’m with your finance here.

Women are dealt a shitty hand with fertility no doubt. We are told we have to wait to be financially sorted and then told its too late. But unfortunately biology is biology and having had friends staring down the barrell of ivf at 38/39 it's not an ideal situation at all.

I don’t want you to feel criticism but as someone who has been divorced I really wanted to ask you to consider if it’s marriage you want or the wedding. My ex wanted a big wedding and actually he wanted the party and attention not the marriage I got swept up in that and was actually pregnant on the day and fully get how not being able to drink and looking grumpy in the dress sucks. I wish I’d pushed the wedding back as parenthood is an eye opener for how shit some men are.

if you are already financially entangled with a mortgage I’d push back the wedding until after you’ve had a baby or do a registry office asap. Marriage is more than a wedding.

id also be uneasy he sat on a ring for a year while trying for a baby with you. Why that order? Clearly he’s pushing for the baby. After my ex I’m perhaps overly concerned but if the house is yours I’d not marry him until he’s proven he’s not one of these men who changed after a baby.

6 months is quite a long time at 36 - especially when it looks like conceiving might be tricky for you. Being pregnant at your
wedding is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things. It’s just one day.

This. I was nearly 9 months pregnant when I got married and I've never been happier. And I had morning sickness the whole pregnancy

On the one hand, i get it, I do. You want to have a nice day and frankly, being pregnant, especially the first trimester is rough. I would not have managed a ceremony and a sit down dinner and an evening do in my first trimester. And taking a 6 month break could be a good thing, mentally.

On the other hand, many of us have been through our weddings and it really is just one day. It seems like a big deal now but when it's done...poof. Time is not on your side and I wouldn't risk not having my son for the sake of looking and feeling nice at a party.

On balance, YABU, I am with your fiance on this but it's a tough choice.

Big weddings with matching bridesmaids/groomsmen etc etc are a waste of money for many people. The 'better' weddings are usually the ones done really simply where the guests have lots of time and space to mingle and come up to the wedding couple.

Crack on with TTC and save you money for the baby, it will be far better used on that than a single day which you will be far too busy/stressed about to really enjoy anyway.

Don't wait, it's not worth it. You can always postpone the wedding

delaying motherhood but was also trying to do the right thing by having a mortgage, stable job and the right person first, the first of which being particularly difficult these days
It's not easy. I'd advise you to keep trying tc with your DH. If you are pregnant on your wedding day, ok not ideal for you, but you can have a party another time. If you have tried for a year and it hasn't happened, I wouldn't pause for a wedding.
It's a shame that women have to put off or stop having children because of economics. That's for another thread though.

I’ve reported this as a completely uncalled for and vicious personal attack. I hope you reread it before it disappears and are proud of yourself.

This poster is absolutely correct that the post she’s referring to is completely unnecessarily horrible, and it’s normal to not want to be pregnant for your wedding. It’s true it may spoil the day. However it’s also clear from your posts that if you’re 40 and haven’t managed to conceive, you wouldn’t be thinking at least I had my wedding day, you’d be thinking I did this with my choices, that was so much the wrong decision, maybe we could have had a baby, and be mad at yourself. Many of the comments are trying to save you from lifelong regret.

This is really cruel.

Sending you love, OP. I understand some of how you feel. It can feel nice to be able to plan something (wedding) amid the uncertainty and heartache of TTC. Wishing you all the very best x

I wouldn’t wait at 36. You are already having issues conceiving.

I was pregnant when I got married - TTC for 2 years and referred to fertility specialists. Didn’t stop having unprotected sex but we weren’t having sex on specific days etc. Ended up pregnant naturally - wedding was booked for September (baby due end of September) so we moved it back to the June. I decided I would rather be pregnant by pp at my wedding. Good job really as I had really bad PND and PNA!

Your biological clock (as well as some other factors which are affecting your fertility) can't wait.
Your eggs and such have a limited lifespan. Not saying that 36 is too old or 37 or 38, it's just that with every month that goes by, well... I don't have to tell you. You know.

Maybe I sound too non-traditional but, in my opinion, marriage is a legal contract and a wedding is just a party. They're both great things, they're both important... But neither of them has a biological deadline the same way that trying to conceive a child does.

If you guys have been trying for a baby for a while now, yeah, your fiance should have popped the question, gotten that marriage/wetting out of the way so that you guys could concentrate on starting your family. That's true.
And I can understand why you'd be annoyed, geez if he'd proposed half a year ago, you'd be done by now. Well, can't go back. Besides, again just my opinion but you do know that weddings don't have to be a gigantic huge thing right? There was another discussion that I was reading just earlier today about this very thing, about whether people believe that weddings are supposed to be traditional or is it okay to just do what you like.

And I'm all for doing whatever works best for the couple, which in this case because of your impending conception, might just be a small affair. Weddings don't have to be planned a year in advance and gigantic and expensive to be meaningful.
I wish you luck!

Get married next month at a Registry Office. Put the money towards a wonderful party in the future.

Over-reaction much? The vast, vast majority of brides do not want to be visibly pregnant on their wedding day, and many women want the protection of marriage before having children! Also she's only wanting to put it off for six months, not two years!

Fan yourself, open a window, and have a sit-down!

(I appreciate there can be fertiity issues at OP's age, in which case they should just have a registry office do asap and then a blessing or some such and a reception later. But I don't think what she wants is wrong - to be married first and not to be visibly pregnant at her wedding.)

Get married on the cheap and keep the ££ you would spend on the fancy wedding and look up the cost of ivf!!!

It did sound a bit Handmaid’s Tale!! Apologies for the over zealousness of intent. Nobody is going to drag you in and hold you down of course. But you are heavily advised to not go over, so it is an added stress at the end of fertility treatment to consider. So just saying that if she waits there are other things that crop up that she may not have considered that might affect how she feels about things. Just attempting to give some future insight to help OP’s thoughts. I have always found it’s hard to plan a baby. They don’t fall into place on order.

So glad someone picked up on this - definite c section? Forced induction? Ffs name one hospital in the UK that has that policy for pregnant women over 40!

Why would a baby at 40 mean a definite C section or induction? And saying "they won't let you go over your due date" they might advise you not to go over it but its ultimately the pregnant woman's choice. They cant force you into being induced or having a C section. They wont drag a pregnant woman into theatre and cut her open against her will!

I think you've posted on the wrong thread!

Good luck tho! 💐