Husband put house entirely in his name

The only way you could know for sure is if you requested disclosure during divorce proceedings.

My concern (given that he has lied to you) is that he could have transferred the money overseas into an account you can’t access.

The lie is very concerning.

I have access to my partner’s money - not to every single account. I was with him when the young bank employee was trying to protect him and suggested stronger controls regarding transfers between certain accounts.

You’re married so you should know how much money there is and where it is held.

My only suggestion is that you attend a solicitors together and get Wills drafted. It may give you an idea regarding assets and retirement accounts.

His behaviour is not only controlling - it’s suspicious. I don’t like that he has deliberately lied to you and deliberately made it so you can’t access any of his money.

@blowingBubblesinABreeze

Divorce is not the main issue to worry about.

First, make sure you both have wills. Treat this as urgent.

Second, do you feel it is a problem that your marriage is essentially unequal? You are not 'partners' in any meaningful sense if you don't even know how much he has in savings.
Have you asked him to show you statements? What was his reaction, or what would be his reaction?
How do you both make arrangements for things like holidays and furniture purchases - do you get an equal say in choosing?

If you don't mind being "kept", instead of being equal, then that is fine. Many women would not tolerate it, but it may be the best choice for you at the moment if you have a nice life and young children, especially if there is no alternative except divorce.

No, OP doesn’t need to earn anything.

I am jointly named on the title deeds and have been a party to every mortgage we have ever had - but have not worked in 20 years (SAHM to SEN DCs). The calculations of affordability are done on his salary, obviously, and my credit worthiness is checked but there is a life insurance policy that pays it off in the event of either of our deaths. We are joint tenants, so both own the entire property and it defaults to the surviving spouse without being subject to IHT should one of us die.

OP you need to get legal advice. IANAL - As it stands he can take personal loans against the asset with you knowing leaving you and your children at risk if he defaults. And yet, as it’s a marital asset you are still deemed to be entitled to half in a divorce. If he dies intestate, you will partially inherit - I think the first £322,000 is yours plus half of what’s left. The rest goes to his children. If there are any other assets it may mean IHT will be due - again putting you all at risk.

Whatever he is thinking, it is not prioritising you OP and the children in the event of ‘the unthinkable’.

He can try to be as independent as he likes but he's entered into a financial contract with you. His money is your money. You are a financial unit. That is the point in marriage.

If you split then, as the children’s primary carer, you would argue to remain in the family home and he, given his high earnings and high future earning potential, should find a new home big enough to have the kids on his time.

He would probably hire a shit hot solicitor which can make a lot of difference actually, but you would make sound arguments based on the marriage contract.

No, you cannot trust him, but he's also not that bright if he thinks he's protected himself. Then again, as I say, a shit hot solicitor can wipe the floor with you, to a degree. You just need to remain focused and ask for a fair outcome, including part of his pension given you've sacrificed earnings over the years.

Yes it does matter for a number of reasons. If he is the legal owner of the whole house then he can do what he wishes. For example, if times became tough or if he had a gambling issue, he could mortgage the house entirely and you would know nothing about it. Also he could will his house to anyone. You could then contest this, but it would require expense and be challenging. You need to be on the deeds now.

@blowingBubblesinABreeze this is a red flag, you should be on the deeds.

If you ever divorce him you will be entitled to a share of the house regardless of whether you are on the deeds or not, but if things start going wrong in your marriage he could easily sell the property without your consent.

If you ever go down the divorce route, hoping you never will have to, but contact a solicitor without him knowing and get a home rights order filed on the house, that way he can’t sell it or sign it off to anyone else.

But whatever you do, do not give him the heads up about the home rights order.

You can also register for HM Land Registry Property Alert Activity Updates if anyone tries to take a second loan etc then you get an email, I have this on my parent's house as they are elderly, they don't know I have it, so I think you can do it for your home, chances are it will never have activity.

If you bought a long time ago the justification for not being on the deeds has likely changed, the chances are the house value has gone up his salary has gone up and the amount owed will have gone down. All this is likely to mean that getting a mortgage is not such a stretch, so at worst when the mortgage is next renewed, but ideally sooner you should go on, although as part of a long marriage I think you'd have a good chance of getting at least half the value, at least whilst kids still live at home, might change when they are older.

He’s financially abusive.

The various answers here tell you that you need to get proper legal advice and not rely on the contributions of strangers on the Internet.

I'd also be more concerned about your situation if he were to die before you. But I suspect this whole thing indicates you have some fairly big problems with your husband.

Yes, it is relevant from the point of view of inheritance tax.

My worry would be that he would borrow against the house without your knowledge, so there wouldnt be the equity you think there is.

Have you got a joint account? Why dont you both contribute to all household expenses?

You don't need to do a full remortgage at all.

You really should seek independent legal advice.

Yes, you have an interest but it's not automatic and would need to be agreed/argued/Court ordered in the event of a divorce.

You are also at risk if he dies, remortgages or sells the house. Yes, you have occupancy rights but these can be complicated. If the bank were to repossess, you may not have any entitlement to any surplus. If he goes bankrupt, any non legal but beneficial rights may not be of any worth.

It's not just about divorce and a good solicitor will cover all of the issues above.

Your update is very concerning. I’d consult a solicitor with some urgency.

Do you have wills?

what happens with things like holidays, does he pay for them?

Can you sit down with him and talk finances?

Our house was originally in DH name only. When it came time to remortgage we had my name added. It was a simple process. I’m in Scotland so the law is different but here wether your on deeds or not, if the home was bought when you were married then you are entitled to 50%.

It sounds like he was quite manipulative at the time you first bought the house together - you could have been added to the mortgage if he could afford it on his own. I would get legal advice for this reason alone - he seems keen to look after his own interests so you should too.

Make sure you are named in his will and he has life insurance to pay off the mortgage should he die.
A friend went from living in a large house in the country to a tiny 2 bedroom on a rubbish estate because her husband unexpectedly died, leaving her with 3 children, no job and a huge mortgage.

House mortgage and house deeds are two separate entities and it is possible to be named on one but not on the other. House deeds indicate ownership of the property while mortgage indicates responsibility for paying back a loan.
I was not able to be included on a mortgage, my credit rating is good but I was turned down for mandatory life insurance cover due to poor health.
So the mortgage was taken out only in DHs name, but we were both named as joint owners on the house deeds.

Oh babe I am sorry but I dont think you can.

With that information it seems that his money, and what it has paid for, he considers to be entirely his.

If they day came where you did divorce he is the sort that would be absolutely OUTRAGED at having you give you half (if not more) of the house, savings and pension. He would consider that you have stolen from him.

He is tight and dominant in your words. The words I would use are controlling and abusive.

Hmmm possibly right now, but what happens when children are adults and move out or husband dies.

Nobody knows, unless you’re a solicitor and even then we don’t have all the facts. It’s a complicated situation by the sounds of it and he sounds like he’s keeping Op in the dark- and he can afford better legal advice by the sounds of it. I certainly wouldn’t be taking any chances with mumsnet aibu advice if it went to court.

Oh gosh we don’t know the finer details!

don’t be so hostile

I agree get it moved to legal OP

I would absolutely not be ok with this and would demand to be out on the feeds etc

FFS OP, get this moved to "Legal" so that you're not taking advice from all of the IANAL people on AIBU!!