To need emergency help for my son’s mental health?

HJBeans · 2025-11-19T15:15:49+00:00

Posting here for traffic. DS (12) is having what we think is a mental health crisis with extreme anxiety. He has always been anxious, this has ticked up since starting secondary and gone into overdrive the last two weeks. He’s clearly physically in fight or flight all the time - sleeping lots of the day utterly exhausted, then waking with a huge startle and jumping at shadows all day. We’ve had support from the school getting him in part days, but he’s not been able to attend at all the last two days as he’s going downhill so quickly. He’s developed motor tics and today has been manic, unable to stay still, and not able to be calmed at all. He’s been to the GP yesterday and we’re on an urgent referral to CAHMS, but we can’t calm him at all today and he’s getting more and more distressed. We’ve called Young Minds, who pointed us to self-help resources, and 111, who’ve sent us back to the GP. At what level of distress and unsettled behaviour do we take him for emergency help? He’s complaining of a stiff neck as well as headache and sick tummy, but the latter two are constant while he’s anxious and the neck likely related to the tics, tension and constant motion. But could this be physical? Can anyone give him medicine to help calm him? It’s terrible seeing him suffer and we don’t know what to do.

GottaBeStrong · 01/12/2025 22:20

I don't have an adolescent, my child was in infants when their MH journey started (developmental trauma/CPTSD) and CAMHS were useless for us. After trying them, we had to go private, which is financially crippling. The difference in help and impact is amazing.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/12/2025 17:00

I found CAMHS useless on any level.

Adolscent pysch much better, v helpful.

Original poster

HJBeans · 01/12/2025 16:51

Update here: we’ve had an appt through the post for “Tier 2 CAHMS” which on reading the descriptions of the tiers seems one tier down from the problems DS is having. But maybe it’s a screening service?

We’ve also heard back from a private CAHMS practice about an hour from us that would allow him to see a child psychiatrist, which feels the level of expertise he needs. It will be stressful speaking to people about this for him, and leaving with only more self-help resources would be really demoralising for him and us. But we don’t know the timescale for this, it could be months, so we are in a take all the help we can access stage I think.

DS is slightly more functional and has started an amended timetable today - just a few classes a day. He’s miserable and feels sick, but doesn’t want to stay away entirely. It’s so hard not to know what’s the best for him.

If anyone has any knowledge of CAHMS Tier 2 and/or private psychiatry for unwell adolescents I’d love to hear anything about what we could expect. And I’d especially love to hear any ‘happy endings’ as have been looking at the stats for longterm mental illness in adulthood for kids who have crises this young and they’re really sobering. I just want my kid to be able to feel happy and safe - it’s torture not being able to give him that.

OP posts:

AlexBrad · 20/11/2025 17:36

Try looking up ‘Right to Choose Clinical Partners’ and their waiting time for ASD assessment is shorter than the list in my local area (although still long, unfortunately).

My 12 year old is awaiting ASD assessment - they present with similar anxiety symptoms. It won’t change anything quickly in terms of symptom management but will help to access support at school etc if a diagnosis is made. We paid for a series of CBT sessions which really helped - also ask the school for a referral to the local MHST (Mental Health in Schools Team), we were given a fairly swift assessment with them and they came to the school to administer anxiety management sessions and also gave us online sessions for parents to help deal with anxiety.

I know it is overwhelming and difficult - please know that with the right help, things will get better and it sounds like you are being a great support at home.

BrightMintTea · 20/11/2025 17:34

I’m so sorry he’s going through this. With how quickly things are escalating and the fact you can’t calm him at all, I’d go back to 111 and explain it’s getting worse, or take him to A&E if you’re really worried. You know him best, and if it feels like a crisis, it’s okay to get emergency help.

Original poster

HJBeans · 20/11/2025 17:31

Laney13 · 20/11/2025 15:46

Hi OP,

it sounds really tough for you as a family. I am a psychologist and o work in CAMHS. I also do neurodevelopmental assessments.

when I read your post initially I actually assumed your child was neurodiverse and things have maybe got on top of him.. totally common when young people move to secondary school.

the description you’ve given around the anxiety is really important, that is absolutely anxiety but it really does sound like anxiety linked to neurodiversity. Obviously I don’t know if he has a history of trauma, which would also potentially have anxiety manifesting in that way.

he sounds very deregulated and as though he’s having ND meltdowns to me, it doesn’t sound as though he is in a mental health crisis- more that it’s an escalation of anxiety related to lots of changes/transitions. The solution is probably going to be to calm his nervous system by making the environment less stressful for him rather than giving him direct therapy right now. Instead of sitting and waiting I would recommend learning about this now.. make everything as predictable as possible for him (visual aids/keep things consistent), allow lots of opportunity for coregulation as that seems to be working ,if you can afford it get some help as a family (family therapy), try to get a referral for the neurodevelopmental pathway. I don’t understand how that would be rejected based on some of the things you said, GPs don’t know about assessments you can absolutely push back on that. They would want to consider the possibility of trauma vs ND. You could also try to pay privately if that would be an option for you.

school refusal related to anxiety is absolutely grounds for the school to be working very closely with you to understand this. Again, it immediately does make you wonder about neurodiversity as that isn’t uncommon. In my service we would escalate an ASC assessment if there was a risk of school placement breakdown so if you did get a referral it could be quick.

Thanks - this is really clear and very helpful. No history of trauma (that I know of, and we’re very open with each other) and all you say makes sense. The GP did put through the referral for ND assessment, it was CAHMS that turned it down. They have gone back now with an urgent referral for anxiety but mentioned the query on ND. When we see someone - either privately or through CAHMS - I will push for assessment to have clarity on whether this is an element of what’s happening for him.

OP posts:

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/11/2025 15:49

Laney13 · 20/11/2025 15:46

Hi OP,

it sounds really tough for you as a family. I am a psychologist and o work in CAMHS. I also do neurodevelopmental assessments.

when I read your post initially I actually assumed your child was neurodiverse and things have maybe got on top of him.. totally common when young people move to secondary school.

the description you’ve given around the anxiety is really important, that is absolutely anxiety but it really does sound like anxiety linked to neurodiversity. Obviously I don’t know if he has a history of trauma, which would also potentially have anxiety manifesting in that way.

he sounds very deregulated and as though he’s having ND meltdowns to me, it doesn’t sound as though he is in a mental health crisis- more that it’s an escalation of anxiety related to lots of changes/transitions. The solution is probably going to be to calm his nervous system by making the environment less stressful for him rather than giving him direct therapy right now. Instead of sitting and waiting I would recommend learning about this now.. make everything as predictable as possible for him (visual aids/keep things consistent), allow lots of opportunity for coregulation as that seems to be working ,if you can afford it get some help as a family (family therapy), try to get a referral for the neurodevelopmental pathway. I don’t understand how that would be rejected based on some of the things you said, GPs don’t know about assessments you can absolutely push back on that. They would want to consider the possibility of trauma vs ND. You could also try to pay privately if that would be an option for you.

school refusal related to anxiety is absolutely grounds for the school to be working very closely with you to understand this. Again, it immediately does make you wonder about neurodiversity as that isn’t uncommon. In my service we would escalate an ASC assessment if there was a risk of school placement breakdown so if you did get a referral it could be quick.

Also OP, you say no familial history of ND, but significant anxiety.

This may be undiagnosed ND.

Laney13 · 20/11/2025 15:46

Hi OP,

it sounds really tough for you as a family. I am a psychologist and o work in CAMHS. I also do neurodevelopmental assessments.

when I read your post initially I actually assumed your child was neurodiverse and things have maybe got on top of him.. totally common when young people move to secondary school.

the description you’ve given around the anxiety is really important, that is absolutely anxiety but it really does sound like anxiety linked to neurodiversity. Obviously I don’t know if he has a history of trauma, which would also potentially have anxiety manifesting in that way.

he sounds very deregulated and as though he’s having ND meltdowns to me, it doesn’t sound as though he is in a mental health crisis- more that it’s an escalation of anxiety related to lots of changes/transitions. The solution is probably going to be to calm his nervous system by making the environment less stressful for him rather than giving him direct therapy right now. Instead of sitting and waiting I would recommend learning about this now.. make everything as predictable as possible for him (visual aids/keep things consistent), allow lots of opportunity for coregulation as that seems to be working ,if you can afford it get some help as a family (family therapy), try to get a referral for the neurodevelopmental pathway. I don’t understand how that would be rejected based on some of the things you said, GPs don’t know about assessments you can absolutely push back on that. They would want to consider the possibility of trauma vs ND. You could also try to pay privately if that would be an option for you.

school refusal related to anxiety is absolutely grounds for the school to be working very closely with you to understand this. Again, it immediately does make you wonder about neurodiversity as that isn’t uncommon. In my service we would escalate an ASC assessment if there was a risk of school placement breakdown so if you did get a referral it could be quick.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/11/2025 15:19

HJBeans · 20/11/2025 15:00

Thanks all - it’s such a rapid decline and readjustment of expectations and I’m struggling to keep up with what’s happening to him. It would be so helpful if CAHMS / the NHS had some authoritative info on how to support your child while awaiting support which was relevant to kids experiencing severe symptoms. The advise we have around self-help is useful but not relevant I think as he goes further downhill.

To those suggesting ND, this possibility was raised by a private counsellor we took him to for a few sessions (she wasn’t able to set up a regular slot, so it never bedded in) and we duly followed up with GP in the spring who made a request for assessment to CAHMS. They turned it back as not enough evidence, with provision to self-help links for anxiety. His primary school wellbeing support - who spent a lot of time with him, as he’s struggled in primary as well, said she saw no evidence of this as did the GP we spoke to. It didn’t seem the most obvious explanation to us either as there is substantial family history of mental health conditions including gun anxiety on my side of the family. I wouldn’t rule it out, though, and perhaps if we can see a private psychiatrist they could also do an assessment.

He has always been socially anxious - from pre-school - and fearful around groups of people and new places. He can’t stand anticipatory uncertainty - like if we are getting a train or a bus he wants to be there really early in case we miss it - or engaging with things when he doesn’t know what will happen next (movies, shows, looking for a place to eat somewhere new, etc.) But when he is comfortable he forms friendships, is included in groups, is articulate and able to engage thoughtfully with others. He prefers adults or close family friends because he knows they won’t be unkind or unpredictable.

Edited

I feel you’ve been let down by CAHMS, GP and school here.

Anxiety is typical of ND. Plus the things about change and anticipation you mentioned.

Some dc mask it. But it bursts out. All 3 of those professionals should be totally aware of masking. He’s now reached tipping point. In these kids it typically reaches tipping point in year 7-9

Shutuptrevor · 20/11/2025 15:15

OP in the short term i’d ask your GP to prescribe him some propranolol, to break this cycle. And I’d get him in front of some private psych help ASAP. The NHS won’t kick into action very quickly im my experience.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/11/2025 15:09

He sounds even more ND after your last list. Possible ADHD

Original poster

HJBeans · 20/11/2025 15:00

Thanks all - it’s such a rapid decline and readjustment of expectations and I’m struggling to keep up with what’s happening to him. It would be so helpful if CAHMS / the NHS had some authoritative info on how to support your child while awaiting support which was relevant to kids experiencing severe symptoms. The advise we have around self-help is useful but not relevant I think as he goes further downhill.

To those suggesting ND, this possibility was raised by a private counsellor we took him to for a few sessions (she wasn’t able to set up a regular slot, so it never bedded in) and we duly followed up with GP in the spring who made a request for assessment to CAHMS. They turned it back as not enough evidence, with provision to self-help links for anxiety. His primary school wellbeing support - who spent a lot of time with him, as he’s struggled in primary as well, said she saw no evidence of this as did the GP we spoke to. It didn’t seem the most obvious explanation to us either as there is substantial family history of mental health conditions including gun anxiety on my side of the family. I wouldn’t rule it out, though, and perhaps if we can see a private psychiatrist they could also do an assessment.

He has always been socially anxious - from pre-school - and fearful around groups of people and new places. He can’t stand anticipatory uncertainty - like if we are getting a train or a bus he wants to be there really early in case we miss it - or engaging with things when he doesn’t know what will happen next (movies, shows, looking for a place to eat somewhere new, etc.) But when he is comfortable he forms friendships, is included in groups, is articulate and able to engage thoughtfully with others. He prefers adults or close family friends because he knows they won’t be unkind or unpredictable.

OP posts:

RoseAlone · 20/11/2025 14:56

Hopefully chams will see him very soon. It can be around this age that severe and enduring mental illnesses can begin to manifest so it is vital that he has a full mental health assessment.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/11/2025 14:16

PolyVagalNerve · 20/11/2025 14:06

Fab advice !!

Show quote history

I’m a fan of polyvagal theory.

However, when l was stuck in freeze l had hypnosis to bring down the horrible anxiety. It managed to do that, but my fried brain just replaced it with exhaustion.

id had hypnosis for anxiety loads of times with no issues before being in shutdown.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/11/2025 14:13

This sounds suspiciously like ND burnout. The age range is right.

Drop all demands. Even leaving house. Let him do nothing. Don’t challenge or request. Let him sleep and recover. He will pull though but it takes ages.

My dd burnt out. That’s how we discovered she was ND.

Rubbertreesurgeon · 20/11/2025 14:12

HJBeans · 20/11/2025 13:46

I’ve reached out to a private psychiatry practice about availability.

Despite waking with a startle he seemed on the face of it a bit calmer today. Accepting long cuddles and sat on my lap for ages during a work call (I was off camera attending a talk) and seemed calm and still. But then he completely melted down when we asked him to leave the house for a short walk in the neighbourhood, screaming and moaning and getting very angry. He was at football practice on Monday, he says he wants to go to a game on Sunday, but he’s unable to leave home now without a meltdown. I don’t know if we’re best to just accept this is a crisis (even if he’s calmer) and forget all normal life until … when? … or try to encourage him to keep doing things. I’m worried about reinforcing for his brain that it actually is dangerous to leave the house if we treat it as normal and rational to not go outside.

he seems to be extremely anxious about leaving the house. It won't help if you asked him to do things which cause his anxiety to go into overdrive. Just be there and do what he can handle. Be his rock and his safe place whilst you wait for him to get seen. Remove all pressure and stress. Please do not ask him to engage in things which clearly cause huge anxiety. It's ok to try to not want to re-inforce certain behaviours but this isn't a problem behaviour. It's an accute MH crisis which really needs to be managed differently (I am having a highly anxious child - speaking from experience).

PolyVagalNerve · 20/11/2025 14:06

Staringintothevoid616 · 20/11/2025 06:44

Hi OP, hopefully you’ve all managed some sleep. Unfortunately, MH help is so hard to get. Getting information yourself is so important. I agree with others A&E is abysmal with MH, It almost invariably makes things worse.

Here’s a link to a summary of some immediate MH first aid techniques https://www.calm.com/blog/vagus-nerve-reset-for-anxiety

I would also recommend Looking up the Polyvagel theory by Dr Stephen Porges (Debs Dana makes it more practical)

The body keeps the score by Professor VanDel Kolk, although primarily about PTSd maps well onto anxiety.

Everything your son’s mind and body is doing is doing it to try and protect him. It just doesn’t realise there’s no actual danger. It sounds like he’s been through a lot recently so it’s not surprising his mind and body are struggling.

It sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job. It sounds like your DS is a bright lad and knows what help him, so yes if movement/football helps, play into that. Go to the park, kick a ball round.

I often go into freeze then if I’m feeling safe will move into flight so will literally run. If it’s safe allow your son to run somewhere (although be careful as it’s likely things like road safety will be non existent, so round the garden is good).

Hypnotherapy can work well at your sons age.

if he is predisposed to anxiety getting a good grounding in coping mechanisms will help him throughout life. We are all different, we’ve evolved to react differently to the world. Everything will be fine. Your son has a loving supportive family to help him navigate this. It’s difficult to se loved ones going through this, so big hugs to you, and as I said upthread make sure you look after yourself too

Fab advice !!

Hellenbach · 20/11/2025 14:00

So sorry to hear you’re going through this.
It sounds like complete overwhelm.
are there no potential underlying neurodiverse issues? Does the school have a Senco, inclusion staff, school counsellor?

The school should be supporting you around possible Emotional Based School Anxiety.

The GP can prescribe beta-blockers for anxiety relief at this age. They can refer to Camhs, sadly a very long waiting time but you will be in the system.

Right now he needs to rest, have no pressure, sleep and eat. As others have said reassure him this is temporary. It’s his body telling him to stop for a while.

A child psychotherapist would be able to help him work through this and develop coping strategies. It’s very challenging as a parent to teach these to a dysregulated child.

Original poster

HJBeans · 20/11/2025 13:46

I’ve reached out to a private psychiatry practice about availability.

Despite waking with a startle he seemed on the face of it a bit calmer today. Accepting long cuddles and sat on my lap for ages during a work call (I was off camera attending a talk) and seemed calm and still. But then he completely melted down when we asked him to leave the house for a short walk in the neighbourhood, screaming and moaning and getting very angry. He was at football practice on Monday, he says he wants to go to a game on Sunday, but he’s unable to leave home now without a meltdown. I don’t know if we’re best to just accept this is a crisis (even if he’s calmer) and forget all normal life until … when? … or try to encourage him to keep doing things. I’m worried about reinforcing for his brain that it actually is dangerous to leave the house if we treat it as normal and rational to not go outside.

OP posts:

FcukBreastCancer · 20/11/2025 11:27

I'd try the private psychiatrist option. Sorry he's suffering so much

Crwysmam · 20/11/2025 08:49

So sorry to hear your DS is struggling. The current delays in acute services is frustrating when you are watching them spiralling down in front of you. It’s so difficult not to project when they are struggling with mental health and it can be hard to find a balance between trying to normalise and visibly panicking in front of them.
Has your GP ruled out a medical cause for his escalating symptoms. Hyperthyroidism, over active thyroid, can present with similar symptoms to those you describe including tics. Because he has a history of anxiety they may not have considered other causes. Maybe a visit to your local children’s A&E where they can do a full examination would rule out other causes.
Some of the symptoms you describe, particularly hyperactivity and sleep problems are seen in hyperthyroidism.
Overactivity in many endocrine disorders tends to have a slow onset and not usually associated with a specific cause.
Google the symptoms to see if anything else fits. High levels of thyroid hormones make the nervous system more sensitive to adrenaline so it increases heart rate and sometimes causes palpitations. Body temp often increases and makes you very fidgety. It interferes with sleep and makes you very tired.

RosesAndHellebores · 20/11/2025 08:07

@HJBeans when dd was ill with anxiety and depression over ten years ago now, we found we had to pay to get appropriate clinical help in place, which led to therapy, medication and a diagnosis of the underlying issue which was ADHD.

Is paying an option. We found a very good child and adolescent psychiatrist through BUPA. Sadly neither the GP nor CAMHS were particularly helpful and she was cutting, overdosing and witholding food.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 20/11/2025 07:58

If you’ve got the money ld take him to a private child psychiatrist.

We found one. She was about £400 quid a session, but really helpful. They can prescribe medication.

Rubbertreesurgeon · 20/11/2025 07:43

HJBeans · 19/11/2025 22:38

Thanks again, all. For those asking, there was no precipitating illness and anxiety has been a long-term problem. In the weeks leading up to this crisis he’s started secondary school, we’ve had a family bereavement which required me to be away a lot, and he’s witnessed a violent episode involving kids, adults and a dog (!) at his youth football match. He’s also been coping with school anxiety by withdrawing from friends, one of whom then responded by teasing him in all his classes. He’s particularly anxious socially and taking part in the mediation discussion last week was really hard for him (though should hopefully have stopped the teasing). So 95% sure this is a mental health crisis rather than triggered by an illness.

Mine went deep into crisis right after starting secondary. Now in specialist education. We had no clue in primary. DC's current school says they see this very often (DC has been diagnosed with ASD and other things since) in ND children who manage to mask through to primary. Once they hit secondary school, the wheels come off.

tothefareast80 · 20/11/2025 07:22

The sudden onset and increase in severity plus the tics make me think PANS/PANDAS. I have a friend whose DC has it and it sounds very similar to what your DS is experiencing. There’s a page on the NHS website detailing it - perhaps see if it resonates? I have a teen with MH issues and it’s very hard, you have my sympathy.