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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Betrayed by my SIL!

60 replies

betrayed12 · 19/11/2025 14:14

Wondering if people will see this from my side.
I am heavily pregnant but have had previous miscarriages and this one has been high risk too. Because of this, I didn’t tell anyone about my pregnancy and only told my DB (as I knew he would tell his wife) a few weeks ago. I don’t have a great relationship with my aunts etc and so stressed to DB to make sure to keep my pregnancy a secret from extended family. Anyway, I found out that my SIL told one of my aunts about my pregnancy and now everyone knows.
Firstly, I’m so angry at her as it wasn’t her news to share and secondly I TOLD DB specifically to make sure no one else is told. I honestly think she’s done it on purpose as we don’t really get on, we’ve had a massive argument not too long ago and she knew this would annoy me.
Called her out and she’s saying it slipped out and she’s sorry. AIBU to not believe her?

OP posts:
HairOil · 19/11/2025 14:23

MintTwirl · 19/11/2025 14:17

I’m sorry your news has come out like this but I do think YABU here. You told DB not to tell anyone else (although you knew he would tell his wife), do you know if he told her not to tell anyone else? Surely if you knew he would tell her anyway then you should have messaged her and asked her not to say anything.

Or to.d her yourself. That way you know that she understood you were serious about keeping it a secret.

Original poster
betrayed12 · 19/11/2025 14:23

I just know she’s done it on purpose and not being able to prove it is annoying me as everyone likes her and thinks she’s so great when I know shes not as nice as she makes out to be. Also I asked DB and he confirmed he told her not to say anything! How does that even slip out?

OP posts:
HairOil · 19/11/2025 14:22

betrayed12 · 19/11/2025 14:17

I’ve really covered it up- baggy coats etc I didn’t want this out until I had the baby. So I’m right to think she’s done it on purpose?

No. I get that you’ve had losses, but it’s really pretty strange to expect to conceal a pregnancy to full term. You’re on bad terms with your SIL, and you say yourself you only told your brother recently because you knew he’d tell her, therefore, assuming you knew they were in contact with your aunts, you must have known it was perfectly possible word would get out.

Also, yku seem not to be considering that your brother might be at fault. You don’t know whether he passed on the warning to keep it from your extended family to your SIL. Maybe he never told her it was a secret.

Crunchymum · 19/11/2025 14:21

Have you posted about your SIL recently under another name?

WiggyWiggyImGettingJiggy · 19/11/2025 14:20

You don't know that your brother told her not to say anything. If it was that big a deal you shouldn't have told him either, but if you're heavily pregnant people will know anyway op.

Are you focusing on this non event to save yourself stressing about everything else?

Devonmaid1844 · 19/11/2025 14:18

You're not being unreasonable to not believe her. But how is it helping? She'll be your SIL no matter what. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but sounds like you've got enough stresses right now without worrying about someone's motives you can't prove either way. If it was me I'd try and assume good intent and move on.

MintTwirl · 19/11/2025 14:17

I’m sorry your news has come out like this but I do think YABU here. You told DB not to tell anyone else (although you knew he would tell his wife), do you know if he told her not to tell anyone else? Surely if you knew he would tell her anyway then you should have messaged her and asked her not to say anything.

Original poster
betrayed12 · 19/11/2025 14:17

I’ve really covered it up- baggy coats etc I didn’t want this out until I had the baby. So I’m right to think she’s done it on purpose?

OP posts:
noidea69 · 19/11/2025 14:16

Really your mistake was telling your brother.

Surely though if you are heavily pregnant as you say people will have noticed?

HardworkSendHelp · 19/11/2025 14:16

That doesn’t just slip out OP. She’s not a nice person and you are right to be annoyed. That is your news to tell.