Betrayed by my SIL!

Yeah it doesn't slip out, what a nob.

So you’ve managed to make it to “heavily pregnant” without having to see or speak to the family members you don’t really get on with, and because you couldn’t keep your secret, it’s now SILs fault (but not your brothers for telling her in the first place) for blabbing to your aunts who you don’t get on with.

Of course you’re being unreasonable irrespective if your SIL is a massive bellend. If you’d have taken your own advice nobody would have been any the wiser…

I am sorry that this happened to you OP. When you are holding your lovely baby and looking forward to all of the wonderful things you have to look forward to this will seem so insignificant.

I accidentally concealed a pregnancy until full term. I am quite short and I have babies well over nine pounds. During my first pregnancy I just assumed it was obvious. Then two days before my due date I mentioned it in passing at a large gathering and it turned out nobody knew.

Honestly, if you’re past the 20 week stage and everything looks healthy, there is nothing to be gained from hiding it.
if the worst comes to the worst, it will be much harder to have gone through another loss in secrecy…
Im writing this as someone who went through a traumatic premature birth (almost a still birth) , and we heavily relied on the support of our friends and family throughout the hardest time of our lives.

I realise it is a private matter, but it’s such a shame that baby loss is still such a taboo subject when so many women go through it. I wish you could feel supported rather than scared of sharing your good news.

It was your news to tell. I think the mistake you made was telling your brother. The problem is you can tell people to keep it to themselves, but people don’t. They either genuinely forget it’s a secret, or they like being the person spreading fresh gossip and so do it deliberately. Very few people are discreet or trustworthy.

The lesson you need to take away is don’t tell your brother anything that you don’t want the world knowing - he actually started the gossip chain, your SIL just carried it on.

This. Totally fine to keep it a secret for a few months but to full term - no way.
This is on you for telling DB OP. You knew he would tell his wife and that she has a big gob.

I am sorry for your losses and wish you a successful pregnancy, but you must know that the outcome of a pregnancy is not affected in the slightest by people knowing about it.

Makes a change from MIL's🤣

It's very strange to hid a pregnancy from family as late as you are saying. The only person I know who has has mental health issues. it is your news to tell but I can understand why your db and dsil are worried about you.

You have to be realistic here as well though OP.

Given you’ve made it clear you don’t want people to know you’re having a baby, don’t be too surprised when they don’t rush to congratulate you or have anything to do with the baby when it arrives, given that you’ve made it clear you don’t want them involved with it.

This is the thing with these people who are so controlling over their pregnancies and subsequent babies.

They keep everyone at arm’s length until they decide that they want everyone involved, and are then miffed when those people aren’t interested in playing those games.

She probably has done it on purpose.

But I guess you told your brother knowing that he would tell her to "test" her?

Well she failed & the only one pissed off is you!

If it's such a big thing that you can't take chances-then best not to!

If you wanted a secret then you dont tell anyone

Does remind me of the weird situation in work where a colleague was obviously pregnant but we all had to pretend she wasnt until she told us at like 30 weeks. It was so odd

All you can do is make a mental note not to trust her with private information.

Most people can’t hold a secret.

"Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead."

I would heavily distance myself from her tbh. I wouldn't be rude, but would make it clear that we aren't friends.

Maybe they asked her because its obvious you're pregnant and she couldn't lie. Perhaps they were worried about you and seeing as you don't get along with them either they asked her what was going on.

Easy to hide from brother and his wife, never ask them round, don't even inform them of the birth. When they question why tell them they can't be trusted.

I'm sorry you're upset, but are you really intending to keep it a secret until a baby appears?

I suspect there’s one prolific namechanger.

All these posters are absolutely obsessed.

And TBH it’s not normal to keep a pregnancy secret to term, neither is it realistic to expect others to do the same.

I suspect that if they were told a few weeks ago they assumed that it was ok to say something by now. Because no-one would just assume that a pregnancy was going to be kept secret until the baby is born.

Also, anyone who thinks that people don’t already know even if they haven’t been told is incredibly naive.

If you’re showing enough that you’re hiding a pregnancy, then people already know. Trust me.

Of course she has, but telling your brother was a mistake knowing what she's like, although he now can't be trusted. Once you're baby's here maybe keep them out of the loop for a couple of years!

Who knows? But it’s out there now. I’d suggest the last thing you need in your life when you’re about to have a baby is more drama.
Just make a mental note of her lack of trustworthiness and move on.

I imagine all those dreadful MIL started out as dreadful daughters, sisters or SIL; so maybe this is them, in training.

Concentrate on yourself and bringing your pregnancy successfully to term without stressing about other stuff. The most important thing is your baby. The rest is peripheral.
Good luck for the remainder of your pregnancy, I hope it all goes well.

Your sister in law shouldn’t have said anything but honestly, a new baby is usually big, exciting news in families and to me at least, I can see why someone would want to let other family members in on the secret. There’s a big difference between sharing happy news which is going to come out very soon anyway, as opposed to your SIL perhaps sharing some gossip or something embarrassing you’ve shared in confidence.

As you’ve had so many losses, I think it’s best to put this one out of your head and then settle down to enjoy however long you have left before the baby is born. This should be a special time and though it’s disappointing, it’s not the end of the world and it’s best to not let it claim your joy and energy.

Toxic family members are incredibly common. They sound like my SIL and 'brother'.

I thought it was only mine that were so troublesome and often deliberately damaging. It was huge for me when I realised that I was wrong there.

The only thing you can do is either accept it or never trust either again with important information.

I did the latter, that gave me the strength to later move away from them all, for a better life.

Tell them nothing. They've shown you exactly who they are now.