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Original poster

Aunt checking with solicitor behind my back

57 replies

HangryBrickShark · 19/11/2025 13:40

Mum and Dad had a Will Trust drawn up in 2003.

My father died 2017.

Mum was asked to make a new Will as she had a lifetime interest in the house and as Dad was one of the trustees (mum was the other trustee along with two family friends - a couple she'dknown all her life who are my Godparents). The family friends both in their 80's wanted to cease being trustees as they were too old to cope with it so a deed was drawn up to cease them being Trustees.

I along with my partner (on Mums request as there was no other famiily to ask and my Mum thought a lot of my partner as we'vebeen together 25 yrs now) were both appointed as trustees along with my Mum. Previous Wills were null and void on the new Will being made on the death of the first spouse (my Dad).

Mum died earlier this year. Mum had given my Aunt (my Dad's sister) a copy of the old Will showing a number of beneficiares - mostly husband and wife couples who were friends of my parents. All the beneficiaries ceased upon Dads death under the terms of the trust as it all goes to me as absolute beneficiary. Now Mums died to I applied to the Solicitor for probate. Again I'm absolutely beneficiary. I did plan to gift money to some people in dads original Will although i'm under no obligation to with the terms of the new Will.

My Aunt has taken it upon herself to contact the solicitor acting on my behalf for the probate and winding up of the trust to see if they will speak to her alleging that I "haven't carried out my Dad's wishes in terms of paying out the beneficiares on the Will."

.Aunt is aware the beneficiaries that Dad appointed are no longer going to gain because the Will was amended in 2018 which I told her - I'd rang up the beneficiaries on the old Will to tell them about funeral arrangements and had told three of them they would be getting money once probate had finalised in a bit of a naughty effort to sway them to come to the funeral. Hold my hand up this was an error on my part as i hadn't realised at the time the new Will had superceded this old one.I get that my Aunt may have been confused about the Will and the Trust like i was but what stings is that she has gone behind my back by speaking to the Solicitor.

I had a call from Solicitor telling me Aunt had left two messages requesting a call back and gave my agreement Solicitor could discuss the file with her which she has done and will follow up the discussion with a letter at a cost of £150phr!

I can't shake the disappointment and sadness that my Aunt has caused me by not speaking to me about this. She mentioned one of the beneficiaries not receiving any money (a childhood friend of my Dads) and the only way she could have known this is if she'd have contacted him to find out if he had of received money.

I'm too upset to ring my Aunt to ask what the hell she was thinking of. She lives a 2hr round trip away from me, she is 99, does'nt have dementia although is quite depressed and lives on her own. Me, partner and Mum used to see her two or three times a year and Mum used to ring her regularly following Dads death. I ring her probably every month/five weeks and take her out for a meal on her bday and we have previously had her and my cousin round for Xmas a couple of times.

How should I tackle this going forward. Am I being reasonable to be upset or should I try and mend things.

I'm aware she's left me a considerable sum in her Will and quite honestly feel like telling her I don't want the money.

OP posts:
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Vodka1 · 20/11/2025 21:13

When my grandad died everything went to my nan, she then redone the will they had to take out my grandads family - and left it all to my dad with verbal requests the grandchildren get x amount each. Her choice. I think that is what has happened here? Correct?

Your aunt is 99, this is not the time to be burning bridges. Old people can be like this and expect things a certain way.

I really wouldn't worry about it, ask her why she felt the need to do and let her have a vent/opinion/concern, reassure her & move on tbh.

I get the frustration but really at her age, it's just not worth holding a grudge or being bothered imo

independentfriend · 20/11/2025 18:29

I don't see that contacting the solicitor dealing with the probate is really going behind your back in the sneaky / underhand sense. She's gone to the person not emotionally involved and most likely to be able to answer her questions rather than the grieving person.

Jumpers4goalposts · 20/11/2025 18:08

Why don’t you just talk to your aunt about it?

olympicsrock · 19/11/2025 22:31

Honestly OP this sounds really stressful for you . But …
calm down dear! No need to fall out with your elderly aunt.

LadeOde · 19/11/2025 22:26

pikkumyy77 · 19/11/2025 21:49

No thats not what happened.

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What didn't happen?

Gingernessy · 19/11/2025 22:21

HangryBrickShark · 19/11/2025 20:25

No I did not lie.

I said " I'd rang up the beneficiaries on the old Will to tell them about funeral arrangements and had told three of them they would be getting money once probate had finalised in a bit of a naughty effort to sway them to come to the funeral. Hold my hand up this was an error on my part as i hadn't realised at the time the new Will had superceded this old one."

I hadn't realised at the time the new Will had superseded the old one.

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So do a deed of variation and vary the terms of the new will so they get what you told them they would.
Or are you just greedy?

KaleidoscopeSmile · 19/11/2025 21:50

I don't understand how people who were beneficiaries in someone's will, stop being beneficiaries after they die because a new will is made. Presumably your aunt doesn't understand this either.

pikkumyy77 · 19/11/2025 21:49

LadeOde · 19/11/2025 16:17

So, OP and her partner are sole trustees and OP is sole beneficiary (red flag). That means no external oversight, could be perfectly legal, but it’s vulnerable to challenge, especially if:
The Aunt or others believe Dad’s wishes were ignored.
The Will was changed under questionable circumstances.
Possible evidence of undue influence, conflict of interest, or lack of transparency.

No thats not what happened.

Bobiverse · 19/11/2025 21:46

HangryBrickShark · 19/11/2025 20:45

Because a lot of the people Mum wanted to go to her funeral had died, they were all her age (late 80's) and I really wanted a nice funeral for her with people who were still around to make the effort to attend. She gone to great lengths to describe in her funeral plan what she wanted and i wanted to make it special. When I rang people there seemed to be a lot of excuses made.

Sadly people get complacent when they get older, lose touch and I wanted a good turnout for her and a nice service to honour a lovely kind person and much loved Mum and friend. A few of her neighbours turned up as did a couple of me and my partners friends to support us, we had family friends as well as my Aunt and cousin. I'm an only child so have no siblings and was struggling a bit with the overwhelming grief I was feeling.

I hadn't realised when I'd glanced at the Will that the beneficiaries were based on the new Will and made a genuine mistake. I do intend to honour the three I told were going to receive money by mistake.

I don't really understand the Trust, it is a very, very complicated document which is why I appointed our family solicitor to deal with the probate and winding it up. I think the new Will superseded the old on the death of the first spouse but I'm not clear why the beneficiaries mentioned don't get anything in the new Will, i think there is a reason, maybe because it was all left to mum as surviving spouse with a lifetime interest. On her death it falls soley to me and that's how trusts work. I don't know. I wrote all the beneficiaries down for the solicitor to save her the legwork and rang them and got up to date addresses and phone numbers for them. I used that opportunity to tell them about the funeral arrangements. When we saw the solicitor I have her the list and she said under the terms of the new Will there were no other beneficiaries.

Edited
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It’s very difficult for a lot of older people to get out, and making a funeral of an old friend or distant relative sometimes isn’t worth it. They’ll still grieve your mum, but without making a journey which is onerous for them.

Telling them they’re getting money to make them go? That’s so underhand. Your mum didn’t want that sort of behaviour from you, did she? I’ve got kids. I’d hate to think they’d do that to my elderly friends and relatives when I die.

You gave your aunt a copy of the new will, after telling people who are not in it that they’re getting money. Your Aunt is trying to work out what is going on.

You involved her, you told people, you did all this. And now you want to yell at your aunt and tell her to stuff her inheritance because of how she has treated you? She hasn’t done anything wrong.

You gave her the new will. She can see people are not getting the promised money, which you hung over them to force them to attend the funeral… so she wants to know what you’re playing at.

Why don’t you call her, explain your mistake and promise that you’re still going to give them all the money and it’s being sorted out and will be finalised soon.

Bobiverse · 19/11/2025 21:40

HangryBrickShark · 19/11/2025 20:29

Again I didn't lie.
I genuinely thought that the Will with all the beneficiaries on was the Will in effect at the time of Mum's death. I hadn't realised until we saw the solicitor after the funeral that the new Will had left everything to me.

My Cousin is from my Dad and Aunts brother and his ex wife. Aunt told me years ago I would be getting half her estate with the other half going to my cousin. I really feel so let down and upset that I am prepared to tell her to give my share to my cousin. She needs it more than me. It means nothing to me because of the way she has acted.

Edited
Show quote history

You told people they were getting money. They haven’t had any. Your aunt is trying to find out what is going on. Did you ever consider that they’ve called her, or each other, asking what’s going on because they don’t want to call you whilst you’re in mourning?

You lied to people, they’ve not gotten any money and you’ve not spoken to any of them to explain. That’s why your aunt is trying to find out what is going on. Because you’ve made it seem really dodgy. It’s your own fault. Cut your 99 year old aunt a break here.

SheilaFentiman · 19/11/2025 21:34

. When I rang people there seemed to be a lot of excuses made.
Sadly people get complacent when they get older

Kindly, OP, if these were friends also in their late 80s, getting out and to a service may be very hard for them

ConstitutionHill · 19/11/2025 21:06

Ericeric · 19/11/2025 15:19

‘ I'd rang up the beneficiaries on the old Will to tell them about funeral arrangements and had told three of them they would be getting money once probate had finalised in a bit of a naughty effort to sway them to come to the funeral. ‘

This is what you did and who you are. Why do expect anyone else to hold themselves to a higher moral standard?

Edited

This really stood out to me too! What were you thinking? I'm sorry you've lost your mum but you must see why this has caused confusion at the least.

Original poster
HangryBrickShark · 19/11/2025 20:45

CombatBarbie · 19/11/2025 19:08

Not qualified to answer but wondering why you had to sway people to attend the funeral???

Because a lot of the people Mum wanted to go to her funeral had died, they were all her age (late 80's) and I really wanted a nice funeral for her with people who were still around to make the effort to attend. She gone to great lengths to describe in her funeral plan what she wanted and i wanted to make it special. When I rang people there seemed to be a lot of excuses made.

Sadly people get complacent when they get older, lose touch and I wanted a good turnout for her and a nice service to honour a lovely kind person and much loved Mum and friend. A few of her neighbours turned up as did a couple of me and my partners friends to support us, we had family friends as well as my Aunt and cousin. I'm an only child so have no siblings and was struggling a bit with the overwhelming grief I was feeling.

I hadn't realised when I'd glanced at the Will that the beneficiaries were based on the new Will and made a genuine mistake. I do intend to honour the three I told were going to receive money by mistake.

I don't really understand the Trust, it is a very, very complicated document which is why I appointed our family solicitor to deal with the probate and winding it up. I think the new Will superseded the old on the death of the first spouse but I'm not clear why the beneficiaries mentioned don't get anything in the new Will, i think there is a reason, maybe because it was all left to mum as surviving spouse with a lifetime interest. On her death it falls soley to me and that's how trusts work. I don't know. I wrote all the beneficiaries down for the solicitor to save her the legwork and rang them and got up to date addresses and phone numbers for them. I used that opportunity to tell them about the funeral arrangements. When we saw the solicitor I have her the list and she said under the terms of the new Will there were no other beneficiaries.

OP posts:
ChillBarrog · 19/11/2025 20:44

I'm genuinely not seeing your beef with ancient aunt here. She had good reason to believe that you were not doing what you were supposed to do with the will. She made a call to check.
She really hasn't done anything wrong here.

Fayaway · 19/11/2025 20:43

firstofallimadelight · 19/11/2025 18:39

shouldn’t your dad’s beneficiaries have received their money when your dad died?

This is what I would’ve thought. Also, even having read your updates OP, am I right in thinking you and your partner were appointed trustees in new will, but without your knowledge? Otherwise how could you not have known the new will would supersede the old?

Cosyblankets · 19/11/2025 20:40

Biskieboo · 19/11/2025 19:43

Yeah I must admit I'm not quite getting that bit. There were beneficiaries under the dad's will, he died, but then the fact they were beneficiaries was then swept away by somebody else making a new will...Seems odd, but then I'm not a probate lawyer and thankfully there is a proper probate lawyer involved, which is just as well!

Show quote history

I thought this too

Original poster
HangryBrickShark · 19/11/2025 20:29

pestowithwalnuts · 19/11/2025 18:23

Why did you give the solicitor permission to speak to your aunt ? It's none of her business.
Youv made a pickle of things by lying about who gets what

Again I didn't lie.
I genuinely thought that the Will with all the beneficiaries on was the Will in effect at the time of Mum's death. I hadn't realised until we saw the solicitor after the funeral that the new Will had left everything to me.

My Cousin is from my Dad and Aunts brother and his ex wife. Aunt told me years ago I would be getting half her estate with the other half going to my cousin. I really feel so let down and upset that I am prepared to tell her to give my share to my cousin. She needs it more than me. It means nothing to me because of the way she has acted.

OP posts:
Original poster
HangryBrickShark · 19/11/2025 20:25

MidnightPatrol · 19/11/2025 14:23

Just to understand - so you have lied to some of your parents friends and relatives telling them they’d receive money in an attempt to get them to come to the funeral, but this is in fact not true and you are the sole beneficiary?

It’s not entirely surprising then that she thinks something strange is going on, and has probably had these people ringing her to ask.

Call her, and share the details of the will - and come clean to those who you have promised money and tell them they weren’t eligible for anything.

You have nothing to hide by the sounds of it, so just be upfront. This sounds to me like a problem of your own creation - and I would be falling out with 99 year old over it.

Edited

No I did not lie.

I said " I'd rang up the beneficiaries on the old Will to tell them about funeral arrangements and had told three of them they would be getting money once probate had finalised in a bit of a naughty effort to sway them to come to the funeral. Hold my hand up this was an error on my part as i hadn't realised at the time the new Will had superceded this old one."

I hadn't realised at the time the new Will had superseded the old one.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 19/11/2025 20:19

Hollyhobbi · 19/11/2025 20:13

Op mentions a cousin presumably the aunts child so why would op be getting anything in her aunts will?

Because she says so in her OP. Doesn’t mean the cousin isn’t also benefiting.

Hollyhobbi · 19/11/2025 20:13

Op mentions a cousin presumably the aunts child so why would op be getting anything in her aunts will?

Uricon2 · 19/11/2025 20:01

I think that you can probably forget inheriting from your Aunt. What else you do re the original wishes is up to you.

Biskieboo · 19/11/2025 19:43

firstofallimadelight · 19/11/2025 18:39

shouldn’t your dad’s beneficiaries have received their money when your dad died?

Yeah I must admit I'm not quite getting that bit. There were beneficiaries under the dad's will, he died, but then the fact they were beneficiaries was then swept away by somebody else making a new will...Seems odd, but then I'm not a probate lawyer and thankfully there is a proper probate lawyer involved, which is just as well!

ChillBarrog · 19/11/2025 19:27

She's 99 years old, fgs, and you seem to have caused lots of confusion. Just forget about it.

AllTheChatsAboutTea · 19/11/2025 19:23

Putting aside the emotional and moral issues about what you promised people, the legal position is as per your mum’s most recent Will. The solicitors will administer the estate accordingly.

You were foolish to give them permission to discuss the estate with your aunt. I’d be inclined to call them tomorrow and instruct them to send her a letter with a copy of the new Will, and then not to enter into further discussions with her. If she is unhappy that your mum made a new Will she can seek her own independent legal representation.

CombatBarbie · 19/11/2025 19:08

Not qualified to answer but wondering why you had to sway people to attend the funeral???