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AIBU?

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Original poster

A question of etiquette

67 replies

KittyFanesParasol · 19/11/2025 10:37

I work remotely, as do all of the staff in my company.

I work closely with a man, let's call him Greg, and we get on together very well and refer to each other as work "besties", yep, we are infantile.

I've have 3 primary aged sons who all come over and say hi to him on Teams meetings etc (only if it is the two of us obviously).

I'd really like to send Greg a Christmas card as I do personalised photo ones, but don't know his address (I do know roughly where his town is but don't think that is going to cut it with Royal Mail).

Is it inappropriate to ask for his address if I put it in context for him? I don't want him to feel under pressure.

He had no partner who might be made uncomfortable by this. We've met in person several times at events and get on well.

YABU: Don't do this, it's inappropriate
YANBU: Sure. Why not?

OP posts:
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Original poster
KittyFanesParasol · 25/11/2025 08:12

mondaytosunday · 24/11/2025 21:42

Send it to his work address?

Again, we dont have a work address. We are all fully remote.

OP posts:
Halloweeeeeeeeen · 25/11/2025 07:37

KittyFanesParasol · 24/11/2025 21:27

My Christmas cards are a montage of family pics. Including me, grandparents extended family. What am I missing here?

Show quote history

That’s lovely to send around the family but I wouldn’t want to display a colleague’s random family members, I would find it a bit weird.

mondaytosunday · 24/11/2025 21:42

Send it to his work address?

Original poster
KittyFanesParasol · 24/11/2025 21:27

Halloweeeeeeeeen · 24/11/2025 14:21

Sending a card is fine, not photos of your kids though!

My Christmas cards are a montage of family pics. Including me, grandparents extended family. What am I missing here?

OP posts:
Ineffable23 · 24/11/2025 14:26

Gosh everyone else is much more worried about everything than I am. I have had work colleagues (we are based all around the UK) offer to put me up in their spare room (both female in that instance) and I wouldn't think twice about asking for someone's address to post a Christmas card. ("I was thinking of sending you a Christmas card, if you'd be comfortable with that please could I have your address?" or similar.)

Halloweeeeeeeeen · 24/11/2025 14:21

Sending a card is fine, not photos of your kids though!

NavyTurtle · 24/11/2025 13:48

Doobedobe · 19/11/2025 11:33

It's a bit much. Unless you want him to start wondering if you fancy him.
Send an e card version. He can print it if he likes.

He's Gay !!!!!!!!!!!!

Welshwabbit · 22/11/2025 09:09

Wow, some of the replies on this thread have been eye-opening! I have made some of my closest friendships at work. They'd never have happened if I thought asking people I really liked and clicked with for their address was "invasive". I hope Greg wants to be on your Christmas card list, OP! Friendships that start at work can be amazing.

Original poster
KittyFanesParasol · 22/11/2025 09:01

BlackCatDiscoClub · 21/11/2025 08:06

I think the point here is you want to ask in a way that gives him an out if he doesn't fancy giving his address, and there's a really easy out here which is not everyone does paper cards anymore. When you're having a chat about Xmas just ask if he does paper ones or not, and if he says he does, then say "I'm doing my run this weekend so if you'd like to be on the list msg me your address!" And if you don't get the address, that's your answer without it being weird.

This is perfect! Thank you @BlackCatDiscoClub !

OP posts:
Donsyb · 21/11/2025 16:47

This is another example where WFH has played havoc with human relationships and common sense. No one would have batted an eyelid if you just gave him a card in the office, but because it involves asking for his address, suddenly you’re a stalker!

Donsyb · 21/11/2025 16:42

StarlightRobot · 19/11/2025 10:53

I think it’s weird. Where are you from, OP? Just wondering if there is a cultural difference here

How is sending a Christmas card to a work friend “weird”??

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/11/2025 15:55

Rictasmorticia · 19/11/2025 10:39

Send an e card. Asking for his address is invasive.

Agreed.

Ladygardenerinderby · 21/11/2025 15:31

Omg some people on here ! ask him if you could have his address as youd like to send him a Xmas card what’s the biggie ? Why do people on here make an issue about nothing g 😡

BlackCatDiscoClub · 21/11/2025 08:06

I think the point here is you want to ask in a way that gives him an out if he doesn't fancy giving his address, and there's a really easy out here which is not everyone does paper cards anymore. When you're having a chat about Xmas just ask if he does paper ones or not, and if he says he does, then say "I'm doing my run this weekend so if you'd like to be on the list msg me your address!" And if you don't get the address, that's your answer without it being weird.

Redwaterr · 20/11/2025 20:59

I think it depends on your relationship. I can see a situation where this would be acceptable, I can also see a situation where it wouldn't. But you'll have to judge that one!

FTHC · 20/11/2025 19:49

Awww I remember a few of us getting each others addresses when we went to WFH, we'd have exchanged cards if we'd all been in the office so it wasnt really any different to us. It was a no pressure thing along the lines of "I'd like to send Christmas cards out, would you mind letting me know your address if you're happy to share it".
If he doesn't want you to have it, he can say no.

Goditsmemargaret · 20/11/2025 19:46

This is nice OP. I would say "congratulations work bestie, you have made it onto my Christmas card list. Can I have your address please?"

Whichhandbag · 20/11/2025 19:42

DonewhatIcando · 19/11/2025 11:46

@KittyFanesParasolI gave someone at work my home address, they looked up my house on Google Street view and looked at how much I paid for my house, very invasive and creepy.
I don't give my address out to anyone now.
Not suggesting that you're a creepy stalker 😁
I'd send an e-card

Pretty much everyone does this! Your house price is public information!

venus7 · 20/11/2025 19:14

Nandina · 19/11/2025 11:04

Would an e-card not be less awkward? No need to ask for his address.

Less awkward than not awkward at all?

venus7 · 20/11/2025 19:11

Rictasmorticia · 19/11/2025 10:39

Send an e card. Asking for his address is invasive.

Asking for someone's income or sexual preferences is invasive, not a postal address. It's an address............just an address.

sidebirds · 20/11/2025 18:52

I would tend towards giving him a Christmas card in person 🎄

comfyshoes2022 · 20/11/2025 18:52

i am surprised people find this invasive. I send close colleagues Christmas cards in the mail each year after asking for their addresses!

Sometimessmiling · 20/11/2025 18:23

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 19/11/2025 10:52

It's entirely up to you OP but I would see asking for his address and sending cards outwith the work setting as very much as you wanting to move your relationship into personal territory.
You say he is single. But you don't say whether you are.

Edited

I would take it as a friendly gesture. What is wrong with people nowadays all this creeping around, scared

HereWeGo1234 · 20/11/2025 18:02

I don’t think it’s appropriate.

sundayroastnewbie · 19/11/2025 13:54

Drop it into your next conversation - 'I have been busy doing Christmas admin, pressies, writing cards - oh, that reminds me, are you happy to give me your address so I can pop yours in the post...'