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Original poster

How to deal with unkind behaviour in Reception class

33 replies

Dinoswearunderpants · 19/11/2025 09:49

My DS started Reception this year and I genuinely thought he would settle in fine.

He's had nothing but issues. Accidents, rock up his nose (which he's never done anything like this before), bitten by another child and constant issues with one particular child.

At first I've told him to avoid this child, if he doesn't want to play to walk away and play with something else however it's constant.

I finally spoke to the school before half term and they said they'll keep an eye on them in the playground and try to keep them separate.

This week my son has started saying he doesn't want to wear his winter coat (was wearing a rain jacket before), turns out the reason why is because this kid keeps pulling the hood off.

I'm trying to teach him to be resilient and walk away but it's hard when your child is upset.

I'm wondering the best way to manage this? I was going to suggest inviting the kid and Mum over for a play date and see whether one on one they would get along.

I'm waiting for the school to get back to me. I don't want to cause issues but equally I don't want my child being upset.

Any practical advice welcomed.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 19/11/2025 09:58

If son isn't keen for a playdate then no, I wouldn't force him to do it. I was thinking it might be a good idea if they sort of get on or sometimes play together but it goes wrong. In a quieter situation you can see a different side to a child.

Also depends on how the mum is. If she's nice but struggling to manage her child's behaviour as well then it can be positive. If she's disengaged or aggressive, it might not go very well.

Original poster
Dinoswearunderpants · 19/11/2025 09:58

Thank you for the comments. I was on the fence with the play date idea. I'd hate for my son to feel uncomfortable in his own home but I wondered whether it would be a good opportunity to see them play together but I honestly don't know who this kid is or what the parents are like.

I know my son isn't perfect and I'm sure he's doing things that might annoy this child but I certainly don't think he's doing unkind things first.

OP posts:
NorWouldI · 19/11/2025 09:57

If someone was bullying you in an out of home setting, would you like an authority figure inviting them into your house as well?

Handle this all via the school. Go back again. Tell his teacher what you've said here. Practice role play with your son for scenarios that are happening. Foster other friendships with classmates.

frozendaisy · 19/11/2025 09:56

Yeah I wouldn't entertain inviting the bully over. No chance, at best they might become mates and he becomes like the nasty one.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/11/2025 09:55

I don’t think it’s a great idea to invite the bully over either. Sounds like a recipe for disaster and also rewards the bully.

I would suggest speaking to the school again.

If you know the parent well enough you could have a chat, but otherwise your child needs to try to stay away from them. Focussing on other friendships can help to give your child a bit of a “base” and make them a more difficult target for the bully.

Maybe arrange a play date with someone he does like instead.

frozendaisy · 19/11/2025 09:55

In my, admittingly only two children so limited experience, the only way is to keep following the school complaints procedure for each incident. Be polite but firm.

Or failing that he might have to push or hit the child back. I know it's frowned upon at school and, well with other parents, but our eldest had some issues and the school was useless at sorting them out so I emailed them and said all this, very factually, and said as the school are unwilling or unable to keep my son safe I have told him now that he is to hit the other child back as hard as he can and if you have an issue with that to take it up with me.

And he did hit him back as hard as he could.
The school said nothing, no punishment, nothing sent home to me, we bought him an ice cream because he wasn't, still isn't, a natural fighter, and he had to muster up a whole heap of brave to do it.

Child backed off though.

MatildaTheCat · 19/11/2025 09:52

Well I definitely wouldn’t invite the boy to your home. Imagine if someone invited your workplace bully to your home to see if you got along better? It should be a safe space.

I think you keep speaking to the teacher, help your son foster nicer friends and practice role play for dealing with scenarios that occur. If it doesn’t stop or escalates then you take it up the chain at school.

BertieBotts · 19/11/2025 09:52

The playdate idea is a good one, though I'd keep it short and supervise heavily in case it goes wrong.

Other than that and what you've already done, I can't really think of anything else.

I do think the jump in ratios can be a bit of a shock from nursery to school and some children really need closer supervision still. It's tricky.