First anniversary with boyfriend - nothing said or done

my husband s the same and it ended up with me having a psychotic break partly becasue we didnt spend money when we needed to and I didnt have thigns I needed fro me academic work

You feel how you feel, and you should listen to your gut. An anniversary also isn’t something I’d personally prioritise - me and DH both totally forgot our wedding anniversary to this year - but that isn’t the point at all. The point is this guy isn’t making you feel loved and cherished at all, which is why you’re hanging on for things like anniversaries. You’re craving the affection he’s withholding. After a painful divorce and the complexities of co-parenting - is this worth it at all? You deserve peace.

You don’t sound compatible.

He sounds stingy and boring and like he doesn’t actually think about you as a person (the part where he goes on about how well he’s slept when if he thought about you he’d know you slept badly) it’s totally ok to want to be with someone who says happy anniversary! 1 year of us! And he isn’t that man. I’d say to him I’d like to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be celebrate being with me for a year, and that’s not you, so I think we should call it a day.

I'm also 46, albeit totally different circumstances.
I wouldn't bother for a day.

There's far too much thinking about a new boyfriend happening here.
It doesn't matter if he wants to move in, the only relevant thing in that area is if it's in your kids best interests to have an unrelated male moved into their home and if you want to house a man.

Just enjoy dating, if it's enhancing your life. Don't keep bestowing gifts on him and forking out for things, that's money for you and your kids.

I don’t think a first anniversary is a thing. And you’re not at all compatible.

Celebrating the anniversary of when you first met isn’t a thing, unless you’re a teenager. Your financial approaches are also jarring, this isn’t going to work in the long term.

He may well be a good person, but that doesn’t mean the OP wants to be in a relationship with him! He’s clearly incredibly stingy, as well as dull, as she admits herself.

And it’s ridiculous that, despite this, what seems to be bothering her is not that her teenager is having some kind of crisis to the point where neighbours called the police and she went to her GP, or that she’s in a relationship that isn’t suiting her, but that he hasn’t marked the anniversary of the start of this low-grade, crappy relationship.

The OP sounds vulnerable and completely unattuned to her own needs.

Did you start your relationship on the day you met? The only people I know who celebrate their "meetaversary" are teenagers, surely you celebrate the first day of your actual romantic relationship if you're going to celebrate your anniversary at all?

You don't sound very well matched to be honest. Think you need to have a word with yourself about whether you're with him to be with him, or if you're with him to be with someone and are projecting your ideal someone onto a random man.

Edited to get rid of the random gif but it wants to stay.. 😁

It's just different styles OP

You are quite OTT on the flashy gesture, he is a bit of a tightwad. You just have to be clear about what you need from him because he won't do it automatically - however you may also need to moderate your wants (fill the bag?!) to avoid him getting pissed off with you - not being into grand gestures doesn't mean you don't care about someone.

You need to accept that neither of you is right or wrong, so don't school him.

If he's dull in conversation that's more of an issue, but if you have friends who can fill that void you might be able to get over that too,

He's mean and you are being ridiculously generous and making a tit of yourself.

He's mean and boring.
Of course he is going to love extracting as much as possible from you.

You are being really foolish.
You have 3 children and your money should be for them, not flashing it with your mean boyfriend.

He is doing the absolute bare minimum and you are flashing cash.
Your daughter obviously has issues.
Stop focusing on a mean man and focus on your children.

Wake up OP.

Some people are just not big on over the top present buying and celebrations. You are, and maybe a little over the top when you said about the birthday meal after 2 months. I'd expect maybe a card and small gift for a first anniversary, it's not your wedding anniversary after all. It's only a year of dating.

This could be looked at in two extreme cases.

You are OTT and place too much importance on a birthday/anniversary gift.

Doesn't even sound like he is special to you, meh.
He's laid back, although the birthday gift was more than enough, earrings and a meal.

You're not ready emotionally to be in a relationship.

This. You just aren't on the same page here and after a year in you should be still in the honeymoon phase.

OP said he was mortified when he realised about the petrol etc and stopped.

Overall he sounds like a good person to me, from what OP has said. By all means throw him back if you don't think he's making grand enough gestures though on a one year dating anniversary for a couple in their forties.

Sorry you’re a bit old age 46 to be fixated on an anniversary of your first date/meeting - kindly you sound very emotional and needy (your daughter is screaming but you are so over wrought the police want to take you to hospital)

that being said the constant splitting of costs would put me off too

Respectfully, OP, you had only been dating him two months when you went way over the top for his birthday. Yes, he sounds like a tightwad, and you admit he’s dull, but you also sound quite over the top. The relationship simply isn’t working for you, so why on earth are you focused on celebrating being together a year rather than acknowledging he’s not what you want and moving on. Whether he thinks you’re the ‘love of his life’ is totally irrelevant. You focus on you.

You want to celebrate the anniversary of what, exactly?!? A completely shitty relationship?

Why oh why are women settling for such absolute losers?

This isn't going to work. Why are you desperate to hold onto it if you're getting the ick anyway?

You both deserve better.

The ‘anniversary’ thing wouldn’t bother me at all- I wouldn’t have a clue when I met DH ( or any other BF before him) and we don’t really make a huge deal of out wedding anniversary. But you sound like you don’t really like him anyway and I think the general penny pinching would get on my nerves as well. If it’s already giving you the Ick I’m not sure it’s going to get better..

Personally celebrating a first anniversary of dating wouldn't even enter my head.

And I don't think ott birthday presents are at all necessary so long as the occasion is celebrated with a bit of love and affection.

I do think his penny pinching is concerning, although you say that money has been tight for him lately and perhaps is more of a worry for him than you actually realise.

I wonder if you are actually compatible? Because if he really doesn't do big celebrations and presents for life events and these are important to you then the resentment will fester. And if he continues to be obsessive about meticulously sharing costs then that will be a real turn off. Perhaps he isn't the man for you?

I think you’re being a bit much about the anniversary but the tightness would certainly give me the ick to the point where I wouldn’t want to be in the relationship. Not to even mention his lack of care about recent events.

If it was just the anniversary, I’d not worry. Not everyone tracks dates or celebrates everything. But it’s everything else.

So accept him for what he is or decide it’s not for you and leave. Don’t spend your time beating him over the head with a stick and doing all these grand gestures and then moping because they’re not reciprocated.

Does he even want a bunch of framed photos of you both? I’d hate that as a present and much prefer the idea of a meal and a walk together. You’re forcing your idea of romance onto everything and I would be off like a shot if I were him.