First anniversary with boyfriend - nothing said or done

One year of dating at 16: get a gift
One year of dating at 46: who even knows that date?

You are way over thinking.

Jesus what a song and dance about nothing.

I’d welcome splitting the petrol and meals out etc. It’s so quick and easy to do and requires no thought. I’d see being able to do that as a green flag. It doesn’t mean either party needs to be tight. I’d not like over the top gift giving. I like things like that to be kept simple.

Neither of you are right or wrong you just have a different style.

I get the anniversary thing. I met my partner when I was 32 and we area few years in now, aren’t married yet but have a baby. And every year we celebrate the anniversary of our first proper date (we met at work so had spent a bit of time together before our first date). We love each other and spoil each other all year round, but I still think is nice to acknowledge the start of our relationship, and every year go out for a dinner on the day, and we have fallen into a pattern of taking it in turns to organise the meals/activities. So as a fellow non teenage anniversary celebrator, i get where you’re coming from.

However I do wonder if this relationship has bigger problems. Seems you different values and expectations. Maybe this is a good time to reevaluate and question if this man is really who you want?

She is saying 'just fill the bag' because she feels this man does the bare minimum.

Wow I disagree with these posts

you find him boring, you have the ick, he is winding up up with cringeworthy tightness - there is ongoing lack of support

THAT is why you focused on the year anniversary - you want him to prove there is something more there.

Listen to your instinct and end it.

With you 100%

“Just fill the bag” is so gross to me.

I think you have to tell him what you expect. It's our anniversary where are you taking me or I hope you got something nice for our anniversary. If it's important to you, but not the sort of thing he thinks about tell him. Same with wanting half the petrol, it would make me feel like an acquaintance he was giving a lift to, tell him it's not appropriate, but if you are both broke offer to pay for trips alternate times or something. Either he's really tight, or a bit clueless and needs a bit of help.

He sounds stingy and unsupportive, and the things that matter to you don’t matter to him (or maybe you don’t matter that much to him).

As time goes on, this is going to bother you more and more. It doesn’t sound like this is going to work out well.

In my experience, you never really come to terms with this sort of unmet expectation in a relationship and things tend to limp on (unhappily)!

I didnt say he was either of those things!

One person's smart with miney is another person's stingy. One person's boring is another person's reliable.

Have you spent any time since you left the abusive relationship really thinking about who you are, what you want from a romantic partner and what you are prepared to offer?

When you said you felt you wanted to change plans to meet him elsewhere, give him the gift and leave - what were you hoping would happen then?

You just don't sound compatible.
What is important to you is, obviously, not important to him.
It does sound like he is happy dating at the moment and you want/ need the support of a fully committed relationship.
Neither of you are wrong, just different.

I get you, OP. Having had to lead a horrible, penny-pinching life until about five years ago, now I have some spare cash and I like to make the most of birthdays and anniversaries. I try to pick something that the recipient would like, not necessarily expensive but something that says, in gift form, 'I hear what you say, I understand what you like and need. I am listening to you.'

Your man doesn't. And while it's all right to start with, a few years in it starts to grate when you've been mentioning those new boots you like or standing in front of windows pointing at something and saying 'I really want one of those for my birthday' and what you get is a box of chocolates (or a stuffed owl, ask me how I know...)

So you need to think whether having a dependable, boring but steady man who really doesn't take on board what you are expressing is worth it to you.

But I think it’s mostly important to the OP because the relationship itself is crap!

She’s focused on him making gestures because the actual relationship is totally unsatisfying to her. And it makes no sense. She stresses his stinginess and dullness and says he’s making her ‘SICK’, but she’s made a ’beautiful’ photo frame of three photographs of herself together with Mr Dull and is going to his workplace to give it to him — despite the fact that it might be over by the weekend. (Or so you’d hope…)

You’re not compatible and have very different values
id call it quits
and mean with money is mean with emotions - making you is for petrol for your birthday present is thoughtless and mean

Anniversaries are for marriage and, let's face it, most middle-aged couples don't make a big deal out of it, because it's a bit uncool to behave like a teenager in your 40s/50s/60s.

Just relax OP, because being so overenthusiastic risks pushing him away.

Personally think you have different values and it likely won’t work long term. He showed you who he was on the first date by making you pay. You continued and have seen time and time again how he differs massively from you. I’m sure the earrings from Etsy were lovely but not comparable to how much you spoilt him, for example.

You’re just different and misaligned which is fine. Cut your losses now.

OP, this is silly. You’re desperate to celebrate a frankly crappy relationship. You admit it yourself — he’s dull, tight with money, thoughtless, and the relationship isn’t working for yku. So WHY are you so desperate to celebrate it? A year in a relationship isn’t something to celebrate, unless it’s a satisfying relationship, and this isn’t.

Focus on the real stuff, like what’s going on with your teenagers. Forget dating till you’re better at prioritising your needs and wishes, not trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

I don't think I even know the date I first started going out with DH. We celebrate our wedding anniversary (when one of us remembers, which is not every year) but I don't think I know anyone who celebrates the anniversary of first meeting or getting together. So the anniversary would not be a deal-breaker for me. What might or might not be is his transactional approach to doing everything together. I think there are three ways forward that might not result in years of resentment:

1. you lay your cards on the table, explain what you think he should be doing, and he agrees to do it;
2. you adjust your own behaviour so you are not giving him so much;
3. you split up. But you split up because your values and expectations in general are different, not because he forgot an anniversary that wouldn't mean much to a lot of people.

I barely remember my wedding anniversary. If I do it's a quick "oh yeah, happy anniversary!" It's just not that important to me and many other people. It's important to you so YOU do something.

The anniversary thing wouldn’t bother me. He does seem a genuine guy even if he comes across as being a bit tight with money. As nice a gesture as it sounds please don’t go to his work with the gift.
I think you really need to have a good think about what he’s bringing to the relationship and if you’re happy, but from what you’ve said you both seem to be on the same page.

I don’t think I would expect to celebrate this? At least I never have, not with any relationship.
Aside from that a deal breaker for me is someone who is tight - my husband was a very generous man and that was very appealing. This nickel and diming you describe is a total turn off. Plus boring as well? I don’t care how good his ‘values’ are (though sharing doesn’t seem to be one of them), you can do better.

"Just fill the bag" you are ungrateful.
What is hus financial situation, he is in the process of a divorce.
A lot of casual couples go 50/50.
It's sensible before committing.

He sounds tight in every way - with his money, his affection, his thoughtfulness. And you seem to have a lot going on in your life (teenage daughter etc).
I don’t think it’s the right time or right person for you, despite you trying so hard.

I also agree absolutely with this. Don’t give him much thought. Ask: what is he bringing to my life? Is this making my life happier? Doesn’t sound like it at all.