First anniversary with boyfriend - nothing said or done

But his actual feelings are totally irrelevant, however he expresses them, because the OP doesn’t share them. She thinks, perfectly understandably, that he’s dull and stingy. He may think she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, but the OP doesn’t feel the same about him.

he can say what he likes but his actions are what show his actual feelings and the actual effort he is willing to put into impressing you, which is none.

He lets you tag along for things he's already doing and pay. This is a lower standard than I have with my best friends and they don't get access to my body.

Why would you live with him? Does he keep his place clean or is that low effort too?

Sounds a bit like he's reaching older age (which hits men a lot harder) and wants to make sure he's cohabiting with a woman who will be his skivvy for no effort on his part.

He’s not your person OP. I think after everything you must have been through with your Ex, you deserve someone who is more aligned to you and shares the same values and desires. There is nothing wrong with wanting a fuss of your birthday or anniversary, don’t let anyone tell you differently.
I generally think that once a person has got the ick there’s no going back. It’s tight of him to ask for half petrol money every time and not buy dinners out etc, not my vibe at all. It’s nice to be treated and to feel special, it doesn’t even have to be expensive!
He also seems to lack something when it comes to really understanding you and your needs, eg with the response he gave regarding your daughter. I’d have a proper think about whether I’d want to carry on this relationship.

You are not compatible.

As multiple other posters have pointed out, you are simply not compatible and instead of wasting time and energy on this, end things focus on yourself and then find someone else.

FWIW gifts are not an indicator of feelings, neither are words.
And no relationship should be making you feel sick.

This is not healthy for you and I don’t think you are ready to be in a relationship just yet.
Find some friendship groups instead.

Haven't read the full thread. He sounds tight fisted and that would make me run for the hills I'm afraid.

@Dahl46 " My children always come before by boyfriend"

Nah. You introduced them to this fella at 7 months in.
That was way too soon.

However you're being needy over some anniversary that means something to you but no one else.

You should think about your behaviour - you love bombed him and then get upset when he doesn't react how you want.

I agree. OP, you are being quite rigid in your attitude. he must do what you do in order for you to feel appreciated. A friend of mine is always buying me tiny rubbish presents. Things I don't like that will gather dust. I absolutely hate it. I don't want to waste money on similar tat for her. Maybe he feels the same. Stop spending loads of money on him if he doesn't appreciate it. DH and I were engaged after 6 months and have been married for thirty years but neither of us celebrates the anniversary of the day we met.

Wow I can’t even remember the date we first met. It was 27 years ago so I suppose there’s an excuse. You’d be too much for me, OP.

That’s how I see this too. OP is plastering frills and bows onto a perfectly decent sounding-man who isn’t speaking the same language at all, and straining to turn the thing into a great flowery romance.
I’d say she’s stuck at a fairly juvenile stage of development where these things are concerned, what with this ‘anniversary of meeting’ business, and it’s going to set her up for agonising frustration and even heartbreak if she continues trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
Others have said she has greater problems needing her attention, and I’d say that right. Quite understandable that escape into a perfect romance would appeal, but this is not helping her at all.

Agree, got instant Dudley Dursley vibes, a look in the bag at the gift met with “what?! Is that it?! More! I demand more presents!!”

Actions speak louder than words. You don’t say anything here which makes me think you are both on the same page. Perhaps have a long think about compatibility and life stages and see what your gut tells you.

Why? She made an effort on his b'day which he lapped up, is she not allowed to voice her disappointment when it was hers? Communication is key, no?

You don't sound compatible at all OP and if your DD is screaming at the neighbours you have a bigger problem than if your BF of a year doesn't make enough effort over an anniversary.

This.

You have entirely different love languages.
His might be very small things, like making dinner, or cups of tea. Yours is more about bigger shows, gifts and meals.
Either you accept he is not like this and probably never will be, or move on.
If you want a gift giver and fancy meal surprises, being whisked off for a weekend away, it sounds like you are with the wrong man.nothing wrong with either approach but either you are happy with tbe staus quo or if you want something different in the long term he is unlikely to change himself to be a person he is not.

You just sound incompatible.

I wouldn’t have a problem with his approach to birthdays and anniversaries but it clearly doesn’t work for you so best to end things now and find someone who’s a better match.

This anniversary thing seems either the straw that broke the camel's back or it has finally opened your eyes. With everything you have written hear, I'd say that he is a user. You're never going to get more from him, but he will always be very happy to accept the fuss you make over his birthday, while in return he'll put every penny spent between the two of you on a scale.

Sounds tedious to me.

Neither of us can put a finger on when we started dating and never have done. We used to celebrate our anniversary but money is, and has been, tight in the past.
You have different values and I suggest you have a look at the “Cheap” thread to give yourself a chuckle!

Been married almost 19 years and we are low key with it, always have been. We each don't make big fusses over it as family life keeps us busy.

Really? we still celebrate it 20 years later 🤷🏻‍♀️. It’s an excuse to go out for a nice meal.

Why is women communicating their needs ick to you?

If my teen DAUGHTER had been so distressed LAST NIGHT that the POLICE were called, and if my teens in general were having a very problematic time of late, the very LAST thing I’d be asking MN about the following morning is whether my new boyfriend should’ve stretched to a dessert course on my birthday earlier in the year.

😵‍💫 😵‍💫 😵‍💫

He does sound stingy and I would find this off putting. Who takes someone out on a birthday trip but asks them to "pay half the petrol?" unless your driving to Australia?

People often have different ideas about when their relationship started. I would tell him that you see this day as you're anniversary together and would like to celebrate it. You'd like him to take the lead with celebrating 50 per cent of the time. See what happens.

You know my husband isn't a romantic (I couldn't imagine him planning an anniversary trip ever, at least he hasn't in the 15 years we've been together) but he's very thoughtful and caring in other ways so I don't mind because I just understand that he's not that way. He's not stingy at all though, he's quite the opposite.

I couldn't be with anyone this tight with money.

You two seems to have different values and expectations