Fiancé asking for a prenup

It is bound to influence the way they share finances during their marriage. How can it not? It shouldn’t be confusing.

If they sign to keep their finances separate it’s extremely likely they will remain exactly that - separate. If op is then in a position that many mothers find themselves in with a disabled or sick child/she is too ill herself to work she has no access to money whatsoever and will be reliant on the goodwill of her dh or not as the case may be. She can’t even access benefits. She is then in an extremely vulnerable position. I am surprised you are not aware of this.

Before stock markets open theres something called a premarket where you can trade before the market opens. .And I guess the best way to explain is that people guess how much stocks are going to be worth. Diffrent times for diffrent locations. From 11pm to 2am premarket opens in Asia and Australia

Over 50% of marriages end in divorce.
I'm sure that those couples will have believed they were together until the end.
I would want to protect my assets too.
Insist on a decent pay-out. Business works both ways.

What on earth are you talking about?

I think you’re confusing what happens during the marriage with what happens regarding a pre nup and its enforceability on divorce. The existence of a pre nup does not alter how parties share their finances during a marriage.

That’s not the whole picture though is it.

If a pre nio is signed, and money is separated, op wouldn’t have access to funds and financial support. The op would have to rely on the ‘goodwill’ of her dh to offer her support. It’s completely different to a shared bank account and shared assets. I would be extremely concerned about coercion and financial abuse in this scenario, where the mother is unable to work through no fault of her own, and is solely reliant on a man for any income at all.

What happens if she becomes injured, seriously ill or disabled herself?

I have been on MN long enough to know that there are some extremely poor outcomes in these scenarios with children going without basics, because the dh didn’t think new shoes for the dc in the right size was a good use of money.

By agreeing to this arrangement, you are leaving yourself extremely vulnerable to abuse/a controlling relationship and other poor outcomes.

That’s not the whole picture though is it.

If a pre nio is signed, and money is separated, op wouldn’t have access to funds and financial support. The op would have to rely on the ‘goodwill’ of her dh to offer her support. It’s completely different to a shared bank account and shared assets. I would be extremely concerned about coercion and financial abuse in this scenario, where the mother is unable to work through no fault of her own, and is solely reliant on a man for any income at all.

What happens if she becomes injured, seriously ill or disabled herself?

I have been on MN long enough to know that there are some extremely poor outcomes in these scenarios with children going without basics, because the dh didn’t think new shoes for the dc in the right size was a good use of money.

By agreeing to this arrangement, you are leaving yourself extremely vulnerable to abuse/a controlling relationship and other poor outcomes.

Have you also discussed what happens during pregnancy, baby years, school runs, sick days etc? And the costs attached to child rearing?

In your situation a pre nup would not be enforced, for the reasons I’ve explained in other posts.

@MenopauseSucksi don’t think you can set out a plan for who does what in the marriage, in a pre nup. The purpose of the document is to determine asset division on divorce. Even if you could include such things as you describe, how’s that going to be enforced? Say he doesn’t end up doing the prescribed amount of childcare - what’s the sanction for that, how are you going to evidence it on the balance of probabilities, and how are you going to persuade a family court judge to enforce it?

Use the prenup to your advantage.
You’re not just going in deciding who gets what should you divorce, use it to set out the financial terms of the marriage.
Who pays for what, will there be a joint pot with each spouse receiving an amount that is theirs to do whatever they want.
Will a cleaner/gardener be paid for?
Negotiate the terms of post-pregnancy.
If you’re a SAHM, ensure money is paid into a pension.

If you return to work, he pays at least 50% childcare costs & maybe more if there is a huge disparity between your incomes.
What his financial responsibilities towards your children are should you divorce.
You could specify that if your marriage lasts beyond a certain point or with the birth of each child, you receive a % of the business.
1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. A pre-nup can help protect you during the marriage if you have children.
I know they’re not legally binding in the UK but should it come to divorce, a properly laid out pre-nup with the family finances detailed will help a judge decide the post-divorce financial order.
Marriage isn’t all hearts & flowers, it is a legally binding contract & a pre-nup could work things in your favour, both during & after marriage.

I'm married and a SAHM ...I have full access to all money and all bank accounts.
But that wasn't the plan
We had 3 under 3 so I could get back to work asap and be done .
But two now have disabilities,were not in school for years at a time ,can not be left alone at home or alone together,due to violence
Totally unexpected..not what I planned for my life either .
A prenup in this situation would of been very unfair
So I say ,don't marry anyone who isn't sharing what they have equally,incase you end up in a situation like mine

but why is it then less romantic and 'gives me the ick' or cold and calculating or a big red flag when a man brings up a money and or a prenup? if women are not responsible enough to fund themselves if they split

the more I am on here the more it seems women are being treated like children with no repsonsibilitiy for their choices, they dont have to have so many children it is a choice

The vulnerability and financial impact of pregnancy or multiple pregnancies on women, and having children is what changes the context around pre nups.

If they were simply getting married and not having children the pre nup wouldn’t matter.

Glad you responded with fire. I like a women who spits back. Im in the wrong and I apologies. Can I ask you something a bit left plenty of times on here you and others have said other posters are men. Those post feel quiet similar to mine but you dont think im a bloke is it just my username or do I come across a bit soft random question please answer :)

The markets might well be busy, but it’s worthwhile exploring why this is such a trigger for you.

To call someone pathological and stupid for suggesting op protects herself fully seems extreme to me.

I can’t add much more, it’s OP’s decision and it sounds like she has serious doubts to me. There are many men out there that will sweep her off her feet, and offer full security so I guess it’s a decision for her to make. The thread has certainly made the risks clear.

So when a man wants a prenup it is transactional so if the man turned around and said I give you all my money now and in the future would that be transactional?

its funny how things work on here depending on who is who

My last post was to sharp im definitely not calling you stupid. Sorry the market is CRAZY in pre open.

My ex wanted us to get married but refused the idea of a prenup due to him thinking it was unromantic/if I was planning a divorce to not to bother etc. My argument that was I putting a half a million pound deposit down and I’d hate the idea of my childhood home being used against me. I dodged a bullet with him, maybe I knew deep down he wasn’t ‘the one’ or he knew that I’d eventually have enough of his bullshit. When I did dump him he cried leaving the house that he was a man in his thirties having to move back to his childhood bedroom without a pot to piss in… he never paid me rent/board, I said to him for him living here rent free he could save to get his own house to rent out. Oh boy did I see his true colours and know I dodged a bullet.

Billet dodged! This is why you need pre-nups!

Right?You are basically saying that unless he commits to her in the way she wants.He is not a good person.You do not seem to have any knowledge of the world or how people who have assets try and protect them.Your inference that he is a bad person who doesn't want.Kids is just dishonesty.It seems pathological, she hasn't said any of these things you've literally made up a very horrible story and are continuing it.So you're talking about the effects of childbearing.She has not had children yet.Technically speaking, he could say, why does she not have as much as him?They're both adults.They could be roughly the same age.Why is she coming into the marriage with less assets?What you're saying is terrifying, and it actually would leave a woman in a terrible position because if you're encouraging them to marry for love for a feeling, rather than actually understanding what it takes.It usually ends badly independent.I hate stupidity

I really haven’t had a bad experience at all, but I have raised my dc and know how expensive and how much responsibility is involved. To be further compromised by a half hearted, transactional marriage, with no financial provision is irresponsible/very risky in my view. Why do you think there has been an overwhelming response of run for the hills?

Don’t police my posts.

I can say whatever I like, within reason and my advice to op as an experienced mother is do not enter a marriage and parenting with a man that is not fully committed, and doesn’t value you enough to offer true security.

I don't know if youve had your own personal bad experience.But the op has never said any of the things that you are saying, or you don't understand what arenap is.You should stop commenting.People make spelling mistakes because mum's net is not their life just rushing through threads and commenting.Don't be pathetic

This is the example of delusional thinking that is on mum's net.And it's terrifying at no point, did he say, or she say that he was not going to do anything for his children. In addition, it sounds like he will be fully supporting his family. You keep on talking about how childbirth really drastically damages. A woman actually in the 21st century. It's not the same as it was before. It does change it, but maternal mortality is not as high as it was. So it's a stupid argument, and it's a scary one, because these same women from my experience are the first to insist their children have prenups. I just think that there's a difference in the two people and the social difference is too great. She shouldnt consider marrying someone on an unequal financial basis. because that's the only way they can have equality in the way that she's describing. It's almost like a form of narcissism.You value the input of the woman more highly than the man in any way you completely invalidate any sacrifice or effort.He has to put in and supporting his family.And the only thing that seems to be valuable is the woman'.What normal rational human would want to be in a relationship with someone So entitled. You're not sacrificing yourself by having children.Your husband doesn't owe you for the rest of your life because you have had children.I don't know where this mindset comes from

I would presume it depends on the law not the Judge?

That is incorrect. If circumstances subsequent to the pre-nup render enforcing it unfair, or if it doesn’t meet the wife’s needs, a judge can’t enforce it. Something like life changing injury or disability would certainly fall into that camp.

Have a read of this recent court judgment where the court exercised this discretion in favour of the wife on the basis of her needs (and those of her children). She wasn’t disabled but the agreement failed to provide fairly for her circumstances so she got more than she would have done under the agreement: financialremediesjournal.com/ah-v-bh-2024-ewfc-125/